Well, dear readers, it’s raining, it’s pouring, the old man is snoring. Yes, you heard it here, dear readers, it is pouring down rain right here in sunny California, and the old man is snoring. I rather like the rain, though, and am watching it pour down through my kitchen windows. Well, it’s not pouring down through my kitchen windows, that would make things very wet indeed, kitchen-wise. Rather, I am sitting here watching the rain pour down outside my kitchen windows. I do not like the old man snoring, but when the old man is snoring that’s that and there is nothing to be done about it.
Yesterday, Mr. Mark Bakalor told me that my Main Entry Text was too long, that the splash page should only contain a teaser, and then people should click the Unseemly Button to get to the real body of the text. So, apparently, I should be teasing you in this opening section. Very well, then. I am slowly unbuttoning my shirt. There is soft music playing, and candles burning, and the rain is beating softly on the roof – beating like our hearts. I’m removing my shirt now, my upper torso now completely bare except for skin. Wait, this isn’t a tease, this is scary. This is like a Wes Craven movie. A bare chested me could cause the same kind of terrible dreams which I had two nights ago. Well, so much for teasing. Perhaps I’ll have an English Muffin whilst you all click the Unseemly Button below.
Well, I’ve had my English Muffin and I feel evah so much bettah. I always start talking with an English accent after having an English Muffin. Good thing I’m not having any Turkish Taffy or these notes would be totally Turkish, and only Turkeys would be able to read them. I do have the feeling that there are some Turkeys out there reading them, but I’m not mentioning any names at this time. What am I going on about? Do you think my tease would have been better if I’d had some incense. I buy all my incense from a nice man named Frank. Yes, my Frank incense is very nice, but I get a little tired of him because he is always trying to sell me some myrrh along with his Frank incense. Well, I just don’t have any need for myrrh right now. I am full up on myrrh and I don’t even like the stuff. I mean, everyone needs a little myrrh in their house, but I just wish that Frank would shut up about the myrrh already. Myrrh, myrrh, myrrh, that’s all he ever talks about. Just look at that word. “Myrrh”. That is just the stupidest looking word ever. “Myrrh”. Let’s all say it together, on the count of three: One, two, three – “myrrh”. Well, that was a moment, wasn’t it?
The above paragraph is going to become known as The Myrrh Dossier, which is also a novel by Len Deighton.
The above paragraph is really only a sentence, but I felt it should be a stand-alone sentence.
The above sentence is really only a fragment of a thought – I mean, it’s a sentence, but to what end?
Oh, enough with the grammar and paragraphs. We need some content. I’ve spent half these notes writing about “myrrh” for heaven’s sake. That is a fine state of affairs. Actually, a fine state of affairs is Georgia, where, I’m told, there are more affairs going on than anywhere else in the country. For some reason, when people are in Georgia they feel the need to have an affair. Don’t ask me why – I just report the news, I don’t create it.
Oh, maybe I’ll have some Swiss Cheese and some Dutch Chocolate and a Belgian Waffle. I feel these notes need to be more international in flavor and that is one way to achieve it. “Myrrh”. Has anyone noticed that November is almost over and that December is almost upon us? I noticed, and so I saw fit to mention to those who hadn’t.
Today, Mr. David Levy will be coming over and we will be discussing many things. If anyone has any thoughts as to what Mr. David Levy might contribute to this website, please post them below in the Unseemly Comment Box. I feel Mr. David Levy needs to contribute or, at the very least, eat some kishka. If you haven’t visited the Unseemly Guy Haines Photo Gallery, please do so posthaste.
Do you know what else Mr. Mark Bakalor told me (aside from the fact that I have to tease you)? He told me that yesterday our stats doubled. Yes, you heard it here, dear readers, yesterday we had twice as many people visit our handy-dandy site and read these handy-dandy notes as ever before. Perhaps we are catching on, like a fungus. Tell all your friends to come visit, and have your friends tell their friends, and then our stats will grow to epic proportions. Have you ever had your stats grow to epic proportions? It’s very exciting, and sexy, too.
Isn’t this just like California – the rain pours down for an hour or two and then the sun comes out. Where is the consistency? We need consistency. Without consistency we are merely scrambling hither and thither and yon, or, thither, hither and yon, or, yon and both thither and hither. And while we are scrambling hither, thither and yon we are saying the word “myrrh” over and over again until we want to rip the very eyes out of their very sockets. “Hither, Thither, and Yon”. Doesn’t that sound like an accounting firm? Or a law office?
Well, dear readers, it is time to post these notes and sieze the day. Yes, I must sieze the day, because the day was involved in some illegal activities and now needs to be seized and booked and fingerprinted. This is the city. Los Angeles. I was working the day watch out of homicide… My name’s Friday, Sgt. Joe Friday. I’m a cop. Dum da dum dum. Dum da dum dum dum. After the day was siezed, it was tried and convicted in court. The result of that conviction in a moment: The day was given the maximum sentence of a week. Dum da dum dum. Dum da dum dum dumb.
Have you ever hear of the deep end? I do believe I’ve just gone off it.