Well, dear readers, not that we’re counting or anything, but it is a mere two days before Christmas. Soon we will all be singing our various and sundried fa la la la las and Oh, come all ye faithfuls and Hark! the herald angels sings. Just what is a herald angels anyway? I’ve heard of Harold Angels, who was a well-known underworld numbers runner, and personal friend to Joey Tangerines. Harold especially liked to run the number ten. He could be seen running that number all around Chicago, day in and day out and also day out and day in. The problem with Harold Angels, of course, was that he ended up spilling his guts to the Feds. Harkino “Winnebago” D’Costa found out about it when his friend Sonny “Mortadella” Spigoni said to him, “Hark! Da Harold Angels sing – he talkin’ to Fed” (D’Acosta’s English left something to be desired). Later, Harold Angels was mercilessly gunned down by Ernesto “Ernie” Ernestino, the legendary hit man, the number one hit man, whose number one hit was the novelty song “Pete’s A Eatin’ The Pizza”, a lively tarantella. I have lost the point, dear readers. Yes, you heard it here, dear readers, I no longer have any idea what the point is. I have gone off on a tangent and cannot return until we all click the Unseemly Button below.
There, I have safely returned from my tangent. I had a lovely time, but it’s good to be back, safe on terra firma and also on firma terra. Terra “Veal Piccata” Firma, was, of course, a famous racketeer who was arrested no less than six hundred times for causing a racket. Apparently, I have not returned from my tangent quite yet.
Late last night, our dear reader Mr. Robert Armin, got confused and didn’t read carefully that I’d said to send the answers to the trivia contest to me by using the “Ask Bruce” button located on the splash page. I’d also said that I’d hoped Mr. Mark Bakalor would insert one of those link things right there in that paragraph, but since Mr. Mark Bakalor is among the missing, he didn’t insert the link and this apparently confused Mr. Robert Armin no end and he went and posted the answer for all to see. We are not castigating Mr. Robert Armin because it was a simple mistake to make, but if it ever happens again, the perpetrator (perp) will be bitch-slapped and made to wear the letter “P” on their forehead (P for Perp) for an entire week. Luckily, this week’s trivia question was a piece of cake. Well, it wasn’t really a piece of cake, what kind of a trivia question would a piece of cake be? But it was apparently very easy, because we had quite a few people guess both the director, the title of the film and the name of the off-Broadway director who played the mime. The film was Can’t Stop The Music, the director, comedienne was Nancy Walker, the mime was director Gabriel Barre (Summer of ’42). I will announce the High Winner and the Subsequent Winners in tomorrow’s notes. Mr. David Levy assures me that all other trivia questions will be much more difficult. He simply wanted to lull all of you into a false sense of security, the devious David did. By next week, we will have a proper Unseemly Trivia Answer Button and then there will be no confusion whatsoever.
Don’t miss tomorrow’s special Day Before Christmas special notes. They will be very festive indeed and I will be updating them as the day goes on, as I prepare my annual Holiday Do. Yes, YOU will be in the kitchen with me as I prepare my famous spaghetti and cheese slices, not to mention ham chunks. Oh, what fun we shall have.
Also, don’t forget to tune in to The Broadway Radio Show with Donald Feltham – it’s his very special handy-dandy Christmas show, with lots of Christmas show tunes. Perfect listening for the holiday season.
You won’t believe it, but I’ve already had a request to print the lyrics to Pete’s A Eatin’ The Pizza, which was Ernesto “Ernie” Ernestino’s number one hit. So, here it is:
PETE’S A EATIN’ THE PIZZA Music by Marcello Marcello Lyrics by Flaiano Della Bella Picanzo
English lyric by Hymie Schwartz
Pete’s a eatin’ the pizza,
Sal’s a eatin’ the sub.
Moe is eatin’ the sweets and
Nothin’s left, so, I says “bub”
Leave a little for Vinnie,
I got nothin’ to eat!
Vinnie’s gettin’ too skinny
Not like Sal and Pete
(And Moe)
So, Pete’s a eatin’ the pizza
Each and every slice
Every time he eats another
Piece, well, that’s not nice…
Yes, Pete’s a eatin’ the pizza
Val’s a eatin’ the veal
And Vinnie never eats a thing
He’s missin’ every meal.
But, Pete keeps eatin’ the pizza
That’s what he likes to do.
He eats a pizza and there’s nothin’ left
For me and you
(Everybody!)
Pete’s a eatin’ the pizza,
Val’s a eatin’ the veal
And Vinnie never eats a thing
He’s mis-sin’ ev-ry meal!