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December 25, 2001:

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Bruce Kimmel Photograph bk's notes

Well, dear readers, not that we’re counting down or anything, but there are no days left until Christmas, because here we are right smack dab in the middle of Christmas day. I can’t imagine we’ll have a lot of traffic on the site today, what with everyone celebrating and eating fruitcake and minced meats and pie and turkey and ham chunks and cheese slices, as well as opening all the wonderful gifts that Santa left for all the people who were good this year. And, of course, to all the people who were bad this year, we know in our heart of hearts that Santa left the people who were bad this year a big bag of Santa Rasberries. I shall be going to a handy-dandy Christmas party later this afternoon. In any case, we will keep these notes brief, which is appropriate since we’re here at haineshisway.com.

To hear all about my fancy-shmancy “do” do click the Unseemly Button below.

Here is a quick rundown of the goings-on at my annual “do”. The first person to arrive was our very own Mr. Donald Feltham. He and I immediately ate our spaghetti and tuna noodle salad because we were hungry men. Then the other guests began to arrive in droves. Can you arrive in droves if you walk, or can you only arrive in droves if you drove? Just asking. Adryan Russ (a lovely and talented songwriter, whose CD I produced) and husband Dale arrived and brought with them the lovely and talented Sharon McKnight. Ms. McKnight brought me some home-grown almonds, grown by her very own dad. They were quite a hit and quite addictive. I believe it was the first time I’ve ever had home-grown almonds. She skinned them herself, did Ms. McKnight. Then our very own trivia-meister, Mr. David Levy arrived and promptly began to eat from the three cans of Planters nuts on the coffee table. He’s nutty that David Levy is, and he ate so many nuts that we all were quite impressed. By the way, the only thing that wasn’t on the coffee table was coffee. In fact, there has never been coffee on the coffee table, so I’m going to call it the nut table from now on. We were also joined by Ms. Barbara Deutsch and her son Sam, who are both delightful. Also, my daughter’s best friend Skye made an appearance, too. It was quite festive and everyone ate lots of food and drank lots of Diet Coke, wine, and Diet Snapple. Everyone left around eleven, at which time I sat on my couch like so much fish and ate some more food.

Later I dreamt I was at Manderly. I had very peculiar dreams, dear readers. Wacky. The only thing I can remember, was that in dream one I was at a studio (a movie studio – like Columbia) and I can’t remember what I was doing there, but after I did whatever it was I was doing there, I couldn’t find my car, I could not remember where I parked my fershluganah car, and I wandered to and fro, hither and thither, looking for my car. I don’t remember if I eventually located. In dream two, two dogs were having sex. Don’t ask me. When I was a kid I used to have a Myron Cohen joke book and in it was this great dream joke: Last night I dreamed I was eating a big marshmallow, and when I woke up my pillow was gone. Ba dum bump.

In any case, these haineshisway.com brief notes have come to an end. I’ll be back tomorrow with more handy-dandy notes, and since I’ve now had two requests, I guess I’ll have to tell about the incident at Kelbo’s (see yesterday’s notes if you are in the dark, Kelbo’s-wise).

I hope that all of you wonderful dear readers have having the merriest of days.

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