Well, dear readers, not that we’re keeping track or anything, but has anyone around here noticed that there are but a mere four days left until Christmas? Yes, you heard it here, dear readers, there are but a mere four days left until Christmas. Therefore, I thought this would be a good day to tell you what my simple Christmas wish is. But, before we get to that, isn’t it about time I did some Christmas shopping? After all, there are but a mere four days left until Christmas, and here I am, sitting like so much fish, having not bought one single present for one single person. Perhaps tomorrow I shall go out and buy some Christmas presents, because tomorrow there will be but a mere three days left until Christmas.
It’s very rainy here in Studio City, California. Last night I ate sushi. I do not like sushi, at least the raw what is it fish kind, but I do like the shrimp and California Roll kind, and that is what I ate. Last night I dreamt I was at Manderly. Last night I ate a cheese slice. The rain was pouring down and I ate sushi and a cheese slice and I dreamt I was at Manderly. What am I, Harold Pinter all of a sudden? What kind of a paragraph is this? It’s full of weird fragmented sentences and thoughts, and filled with pregnant pauses. I wish those pauses would start to use birth control, because we’re all a bit tired of them getting endlessly pregnant. Yes, they get pregnant and then give birth to all those little pauses we know so well. And those little pauses grow up to be big pauses and then they get pregnant and then the whole Circle of Life, pregnant pause-wise, begins afresh.
What the hell am I talking about? Oh, yes, my simple Christmas wish. In order to find out what my simple Christmas wish is, however, we will all have to click on that Unseemly Button below. But, I am issuing a SPOILER ALERT right here and right now and also right now and right here – there will be no humor in the paragraph which contains my simple Christmas wish. Humor will hopefully continue in the paragraph following it, but my simple Christmas wish is serious. Click away.
Oh, I can’t put a serious paragraph here and then continue with humorous notes. That would be unseemly. No, I think the serious paragraph which contains my simple Christmas wish should come at the end of these here notes, not in the middle of these here notes.
Have I mentioned that last night I dreamt I was at Manderly? In last night’s dream I dreamt that I was trying to have a conversation with an actress named Misty Cotton (a real person, by the way) and my mother kept interrupting it and kept trying to send Misty on her way. Since my mother is dead and I’ve only ever met Misty Cotton twice in my whole life, I found this dream very curious. Later in the dream, two people from a dog adoption place came to my house and asked to take my dog. I found that a peculiar request given that I don’t have a dog. Suddenly, a dog ran into the room, along with my daughter (who was young in the dream – not that she’s an old shoe now or anything). My daughter told me she’d found the dog – the dog was adorable, black and looked a bit like a thin Alfred Hitchcock. Its name was Kean (pronounced “keeyan”) and it was very lovable and I told those dog adoption people to forget it, I was keeping Kean and that’s all there was to it. Then I woke up. Wasn’t that a strange dream? Shouldn’t I be taking some medication?
In any case, what follows is the serious paragraph. The My Simple Christmas Wish paragraph. It comes from the heart and I hope you will forgive it its bombast.
I think the one thing we’ve all learned from the terrible events of this year, is that evil must not be allowed to carry the day. Evil must be thwarted and stamped out and removed forever. Those who perpetrate the evil must pay for their actions. Even though the evildoers apparently have unlimited funds with which to carry out their evil, we must not allow them to break our spirit, crush our hopes or end our dreams. We, as a nation, as a country, and as individuals, must do everything we can to insure that the bad guys don’t win. We cannot allow ourselves to live with evil and live is the one word we must never ever spell backwards. And so, my simple Christmas wish is simply for peace and harmony and justice and right to prevail and that we all carry on, heads high, spirits soaring, looking forward to a day when evil is crushed forever.
And that, as they say, is that.
Tomorrow we shall return to our regularly scheduled notes. And a handy-dandy trivia question penned by Mr. David Levy himself. Be the first to answer correctly and see your name glorified right here in these notes, come Monday. Not only that, but win a special handy-dandy prize, too. You will have until midnight on Sunday to send in your answers.