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December 18, 2001:


Bruce Kimmel Photograph bk's notes

Well, dear readers, the absent Mr. Mark Bakalor is back(alor) with more of his handy-dandy stats. And, as always, they are very interesting. For example, traffic is indeed up on the weekends (thanks to you, dear readers), although down from the week’s traffic. Yes, you heard it here, dear readers, traffic is up yet down, but I’m happy about the traffic, so there you are. The stats that are really interesting, however, are the radio show stats. They are downright perplexing. I wouldn’t mind so much if they were downleft perplexing, but why do these stats always insist on doing everything downright? How about downcenter for a change, you stupid stupid stats? Where was I? Oh, yes, the downright perplexing radio show stats. Before I get to those downright perplexing radio show stats, let me say that someone posted last night and thought I perhaps was castigating some dear readers. I would never castigate any dear readers, after all, that would be unseemly. I was merely sitting and wondering, Where Have All The Readers Gone?. But I was not castigating. That would be downright or upleft unseemly.

Now, to those downright perplexing radio show stats. Oh, you know the routine, let’s all make Mr. Mark Bakalor happy and click the Unseemly Button below so we can all find out about those downright perplexing radio show stats. On the count of three… One, two, three

Oops, I clicked on four, and now I will be bitch-slapped into oblivion. In any case, here is what Mr. Mark Bakalor has gleaned: The first week’s radio show was a smashing success. The second week’s radio show had half the listeners. The third week’s radio show was about the same. But, and here’s the interesting part – many people who are tuning in are listening to the beginning of the show (maybe ten or fifteen minutes) and then tuning out. What they hey? Hey the what? Just what in tarnation is that all about? Tuning out? We must, according to Dr. Timothy Leary, dearie, tune in, not out. I’m not trying to say we don’t have many dear listeners who are listening to the entire show, because we do. I just find it odd that someone would tune in and then tune out, unless they are bored, but if they are indeed bored let’s find out why and do something about it. So, let’s find out what you like and don’t like about our handy-dandy radio show, because we aim to please. We get lots of great e-mails about it, so we do know that people have fun listening, but I always like to know if anyone would like to hear something we’re not doing.

Yesterday, Mr. David Wechter and I began the process of routining our brand spanking new old fashioned musical comedy. That is to say, we began beating out the story (creating the beats – which is slightly different than creating the beets), figuring out who the characters are, and getting ideas for songs. As you may recall, this musical comedy is based on an unproduced film script of mine from 1993. We’re keeping the general idea, some of the dialogue, and a couple of characters, but everything else is changing for the better. I felt that the script was to specific in what it was lampooning, and both David and I felt it would be better to be more general in its targets. My original intent was for David and I to write the book, but for me to do the score alone. But, David is also a good songwriter, and he asked if he could collaborate on the score as well. I decided that, yes, he could and we’ll just do it all togther, because my intention is to direct the piece, and having a collaborator on all of the writing will be very helpful. Meanwhile, I’ve written a good deal of our opening number and all of the number which follows it. We’re having a good deal of fun. Part of what’s appealing about writing this is that I’d been approached by someone about doing a show next summer, and if we like what we do here, it’s going to be this show that gets done. David and I work very well together, because we both have a similar sense of humor, but he’s much more plot oriented than I tend to be, and he keeps things focused in that way. He wrote and directed a wonderful short musical film called Junior High School, wrote and directed the Disney film Midnight Madness, and we both wrote and directed short films for a cable show called Likely Stories. So, we’ve had similar careers, which is why we came together and wrote the original script for The Faculty (which, of course, got rewritten by Scream’s Kevin Williamson). We’re getting together again today, and I’ll be keeping you updated on the progress of the show.

Put another candle on the birthday cake
And when you do a wish I’ll ma-ake,
Put another candle on the birthday cake
I’m another year old today…

A very happy birthday to dear readers Penny Orloff (a friend since I was a wee bairn – she appeared on Broadway in Hal Prince’s A Doll’s Life), and Pam Spitzner. And, of course, to any other dear readers who are celebrating today without having told me.

Thanks to Craig Brockman for using the Unseemly Donation Button and making an Unseemly Donation. Not that we’re counting down or anything, but has anyone noticed that we are a mere seven days from Christmas? I have, and therefore am duly pointing it out. I will be having my annual Christmas Eve do, and we’ll be serving cheese slices and ham chunks galore, as well as grog, whatever the hell that is. We’ll have Diet Coke and my famous spaghetti with my famous sauce, and here we’ll sit like so much fish in our festive Santa outfits. Oh, what fun we shall have.

Well, dear readers, it is time for me to jump in the shower. Why I feel the necessity to jump whilst in the shower I’ll never know. I just go in the shower and jump like an idiot gone amok. There I stand, naked, jumping while water cascades over my supple and lithe body, with my abs and buns of steel. Well, I can dream, can’t I? My buns are, of course, more rubber than steel, but that is the price one pays when one gets older and does no bun exercise. What the hell am I talking about? Abs and buns of steel? Water cascading over my supple and lithe body? Quick, my medication.

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