Well, dear readers, the good news is that the radio problems have been rectified and all is well. I’ll announce the next show’s theme very shortly, but it will be up and running next Monday as planned. And just what does that have to do with soup you may ask, and I may tell you because why should you be in the dark, soup-wise. It has nothing whatsoever to do with soup, that’s what. The fact is I was looking at a can of soup last night and I began to wonder just who the hell came up with the name “soup”. It’s such a stupid-looking word, isn’t it? It just lays there like so much fish, doesn’t it? On the face of it, it looks like someone somewhere had the bright idea to take the words “so” and “up” and to put them together for no reason whatsoever. And then they decided they’d pronounce the new word in a way that makes no sense given the spelling of the word. “Soooooop” would be the obvious correct spelling. But, as it turns out, I was quite wrong. I did a little research on the internet and here is what I found… Oh, did you think I was going to tell you what I found in this section? This section, according to Mr. Mark Bakalor, is the tease, so I’m afraid you will have to click on the Unseemly Button below to find out what I learned about the history of the word “soup”.
And what I learned was this: In 1763, in Manchester, England, England a man named Herbert Selwyn Soup had no money left and had only a little food left in his cupboard. So, he boiled up a big pot of water, into which he put the rest of the ingredients in his cupboard, which included some whey, some curds, an old chicken bone and some thread. He then sat down to enjoy his meal, and as he was sipping the delicious liquid he thought to himself, “Just what the bloody ‘ell am I eating? Water with thread? Water with curds and whey? Water with an old chicken bone? Bloody ‘ell. That sounds right stupid, that does. I’ve got to come up wif a name for this concoction. Wait, I know, I’ll name it after me very own person. I’ll name this concoction herbert. No, who wants to eat somfin called herbert? No, I know, I’ll call this concoction selwyn. No, then people will get it confused with celery, and then that right bastard Nathaniel Celery will get the credit. Wait! I know, I’ll call this concoction soup! Yes, soup! Fat’s the perfect name for this concoction. I’m eating soup! Soup is what I’m eating and I don’t care who knows it, including that lowly turd, Nathaniel Celery. I shall go down in history as the man who invented soup. My name will be famous the world over and if anyone gives me any problem they’ll feel the back of my boot.” And from that day forward, soup became famous the world over. Unfortunately, Mr. Soup did not patent or protect his invention and he never received any royalties or money from the use of his name. It’s truly awful when someone invents a name and then others benefit from it. But that was Mr. Soup’s lot. Some years later, a man named Charles Broth tried to steal some of Soup’s thunder, and Mr. Soup went to Mr. Broth’s home and said to him, “You’re in the soup now, Broth” and Soup proceeded to hit Mr. Broth with a metal soup pot until Mr. Broth was dead.
Mr. Soup was very clever, and left no fingerprints and he was never caught for his bludgeoning of Mr. Broth. He later married Cornelia Campbell, and the rest is history.
Well, that was a waste of a very long paragraph, wasn’t it? Sometimes my mind simply goes asunder and this was apparently one of those times. Asunder my mind went, and I ate pitted cherries while I walked on the dewy grass. Apparently, my mind is still asunder and getting more asunder as the seconds tick by.
“I ate pitted cherries while I walked on the dewy grass”??? That is just the nadir, dear readers, it doesn’t get any nadiry than that. Speaking of the nadir (and weren’t we?), Mr. Mark Bakalor has come up with a splendid plan. He will be implementing that splendid plan very soon indeed. Oh, what a splendid plan it is, too, and when you hear it you will eat pitted cherries and walk on the dewy grass, and once the pitted cherries have disappeared down your hungry maw, you will eat cheese slices and ham chunks and you will dance the hora on the dewy grass like a Jew gone amok. Right now, I am a Jew gone amok, clearly. In any case, this splendid plan will be revealed in all its splendid glory tomorrow.
Here is an interesting story. You will recall that in an early entry of these notes I wondered about the whereabouts of actress Susan Gordon, who was my first movie crush on someone around my age (just click the Unseemly Archive Button to go back and peruse past entries). And, on that very day, someone I went to high school with just happened to search my name on the internet and found this here site. And she noticed my mention of Susan Gordon. And she wrote me and told me she’d been friends with Susan Gordon since the fourth grade and had just that very minute forwarded my notes to her. And then, the lovely Ms. Gordon posted a comment here, and e-mailed me. And (as Maltby and Shire once said, The Story Goes On) it just so happened that our dear reader, Robert Armin, also had a crush on Ms. Gordon. He e-mailed her and they had a lovely chat. It so happens that Mr. Armin was about to cast a showcase production of a play for Off-Off Broadway, which he would be directing. And, guess what? Because of all this incredible coincidence, Ms. Gordon will be doing the play. Isn’t that amazing? And, as Maltby and Shire continue to say, The Story Goes On, but we’ll save the other bits for later.
Well, dear readers, I must away and deal with issues now. Yes, you heard it here, I have issues to deal with, and they are not pleasant, but deal with them I must and I shall and if you all send me your good thoughts, I know that things will right themselves someday. Later today, I shall finish reading the story of David and Goliath, which is one of my favorites. Perhaps we should all eat soup later today, as well. Because, to wrap this all up in a pretty pink ribbon, today just happens to have been the birthdate of one Herbert Selwyn Soup, and what better way to celebrate than to heat and eat his very own concoction? Someone else we all know also has a birthday coming up and it’s coming up very very soon. I’ll keep you posted, but only if you keep posting your lovely comments in the Unseemly Comment Box below.