Well, dear readers, I am back home, smoke-free once again. Just to give you the rest of the trip details (in Reader’s Digest form): We had a spot of breakfast, a spot of craps (broke even at that session) and then checked out of the hotel, cabbed to airport, flew home. I immediately took a shower to try to rid myself of smokiness, but I still smelled it throughout the evening – thankfully, this morning I seem to not smell it one or even two whits.
Here is something interesting which has come to light. I always like when something interesting comes to light, because why should something interesting always be in the damn dark? In any case, the something interesting that has come to light is this: There were exactly half the listeners for the second radio show than there were for the first. Isn’t that interesting, and aren’t we glad it came to light? Where did the other half of the listeners go? Into a black hole? Mr. Mark Bakalor, the stats expert, feels it’s because we got the word out better on that first show. Well, loyal and true Hainsies, we must get the word out again, stronger, with more elan. And speaking of Elan, just where is he? And why isn’t he getting the word out? My opinion on this matter is that we need guests, interesting guests. That wasn’t possible on the second show, and may not be possible on the third show, but we will most definitely have guests on the fourth show, that is a promise. In any case, I shall let you know the theme of the third show over the weekend, as soon as someone bothers to tell me what it is. Otherwise, Mr. Mark Bakalor tells me that our readership is growing and we will soon be taking over the entire universe and environs.
Would you like to know what was waiting for me when I arrived home yesterday? Well, I’ll tell you what was waiting for me when I arrived home yesterday, but I will not tell you in this section – no, to find out what was waiting for me when I arrived home yesterday, you will simply have to click the Unseemly Button below.
What was waiting for me when I got home yesterday was this: My Very Big Box of Guy Haines products! Isn’t that exciting. And they were all there, with the exception of my Guy Haines cap. I immediately wrote them and within two hours I had a response, an apology and a notice that it would be sent immediately. I like that kind of customer service. Meanwhile, I’m enjoying the rest of my Guy Haines products. I’m currently using my Guy Haines mousepad which is quite spiffy. I also have my haineshisway.com t-shirts (both white and gray), my haineshisway.com sweatshirt with hood, my mug and my adorably cute little teddy bear. I recommend these products to one and all and also all and one – and remember, we don’t make money on them, so I’m not being crass.
One interesting thing that happened on the Vegas trip: Way back in 1993, when I started producing albums at Varese Sarabande, I’d written a film script. Said film script almost got made (a very low budget affair it was), but for reasons I don’t really recall, it fell through. I then became too busy to even think about said script and I put it on the shelf. I read it recently, and thought it quite bad overall, but thought it had a good deal of potential, thought it a really good idea, and thought what did work worked well and was pretty funny. But not as a film – as a musical. I discussed this with my friend David Wechter, who was with me in Vegas. David and I have written many things together (including the original script for the hit film, The Faculty) and I told him about this idea and he loved it. I’d already written a couple of songs, just to see how they’d fit, and they’d come out pretty well. So, we’ve decided to write the damn thing. And to put the cherry on top, I’d been approached by someone to do a show sometime towards summer, and I do think it will end up being our brand-spanking new musical comedy. When we start in ernest (next week), I will take you through the process as we go through the process. However, what I’d like to know is why we’re starting in ernest? Why not start in Frank or Tom? I’m very excited about this brand-spanking new musical comedy.
Here is something I find puzzling: Why do most people have their wisdom teeth pulled? Doesn’t that mean that we will have less wisdom? Those teeth contain so much vast knowledge and then they are yanked out willy-nilly and also nilly-willy, by some over-zealous dentist, who then keeps them and extracts all the wisdom from them, which is why dentists are so smart and why they can afford to drive a Lexus. My wisdom teeth were pulled out when I was nineteen. I have had not nearly as much wisdom since, especially in certain choices I’ve made in certain areas. Yes, in certain areas my wisdom has been most lacking. In certain instances my wisdom has just taken a hike. Yes, in certain circumstances my wisdom has traveled down the wrong highways and byways and other wrong streets and avenues and alleyways and such. I hate when that happens. If only I’d kept my wisdom teeth, perhaps all of life’s little pratfalls could have been avoided.
Finally, one of my favorite films has come to DVD: The Big Heat, directed by Mr. Fritz Lang, one of my favorite filmmakers. The Big Heat is about corruption, and how the rich and powerful use it. It’s not lost one or even two whits of its power, lo these many years or even hi these many years. The cast is great, especially Glenn Ford, Lee Marvin and Gloria Grahame. Poor Gloria gets a face-full of scalding coffee thrown on her face (where else would you get a face-full of scalding coffee but your face?), a tremendously violent moment, one of many. It’s a classic hard-boiled noir. The transfer isn’t perfect, but it’s a must have if you like movies about corruption and you like to see the corruptors get their just desserts (and I don’t mean chocolate pudding).
Don’t forget to check in over the weekend to see what’s up. And our Unseemly Donation Button has been very lonesome indeed – only two unseemly donors have shown up. At this rate, we won’t even be able to afford two cheese slices.
Finally finally, someone posted late yesterday that there is a new performing arts center about to open, and it is named… wait for it… The Kimmel Center for the Performing Arts. I had no idea that I’d done that. In any case, I am thrilled to have a new arts center named after me.