Well, dear readers, it is the year 2002, a year with two twos and two zeros, not necessarily in that order. Where else can you get such information other than here at haineshisway.com? Writing a daily journal or log or in our e-world, blog, can be very difficult. One has to have actual thoughts and actual things to write about, but some days you get up and you don’t have any actual thoughts or actual things to write about and then you must vamp until something pops in to your head. Rather like a painter staring at a blank canvas, waiting for inspiration to strike him or her. What him or her ever did to “inspiration” to make it want to strike him or her is anyone’s guess. In any case, this paragraph is a perfect example of not having any actual thoughts or actual things to write about and thus what is known in the blog trade as “the vamp”. In other words, if one were to dissect what I have written this far in these here notes, what one would find is a big glob of nothing. Yes, you heard it here, dear readers, thus far today’s blog is a big glob of nothing, but that’s only appropriate since “glob” is “blog” anagramed. Did you notice that I began the last sentence with “In other words”? What does that mean? “In other words”. I didn’t use “other” words, I used the words I wrote, at no time were there “other” words so just what the hell does “in other words” mean when I didn’t write “other” words? I tell you, that sort of thing drives me up the wall. Have you ever been driven up the wall? It’s quite a nice trip, especially in a convertible.
Now, you see, no more blank page. Now I’m in the thick of things, unlike before when I was in the thin of things. I think the best thing we can all do to keep these here notes moving along at a steady clip, is to click on the Unseemly Button below.
Oops (spoo, spelled backwards), another blank page. Well, perhaps inspiration will strike me, but if it does, let me tell you I shall strike it right back without so much as a by your leave, whatever the hell that is.
Last night I went to an actual motion picture theater where I saw an actual motion picture entitled Monsters, Inc. I enjoyed it very much indeed. Those Pixar people really have this thing down to a “t”. Not a “c”, mind you, or even a “q”, no, those Pixar people have this thing down to a “t”. They get it just right – they’re clever, they’re funny and they’re even touching, but never cloyingly so. A couple of months ago I’d seen Shreck, which I’d heard was brilliantly funny and very clever. I got through a half-hour of it and shut it off. It was well done certainly (although not as well done as the Pixar stuff), but I got so tired of the “in” jokes that were never as funny as the people who made the thing thought they were, and the whole thing just seemed loud and crass. Pixar invented this franchise, and it seems to me that all the other wannabes (and believe me, every major studio is doing this sort of thing now) are just that: It’s people trying to cash in on the creativity of others, but without the soul. Of course, that sort of thing happens with all types of films – someone does something, and then others jump on the bandwagon. Happens in music, too, doesn’t it, dear readers? And with novels, plays, musicals and mostly everything. What is my point? Oh, yes, I enjoyed Monsters, Inc. lots more than Shreck and that’s all there is to it. Of course, maybe Shreck got good after the first half-hour, but I didn’t have the patience to stick it out until the end.
However, there was one thing that made seeing Monsters, Inc. an annoying experience: The audience.
Not that there was much of one, but what there was was cherce. It’s why I don’t go to actual motion picture theaters much anymore, because people just aren’t respectful of the motion picture-going experience. Why, when I was a kid, going to the movies was special, it was magical, and kids, no matter how small, watched in quiet awe, laughed where appropriate, were scared where appropriate and maybe were even touched where appropriate. Not anymore. In my audience, we had a mother with two children, and these two children never once, to the best of my knowledge, actually sat down and watched the movie. No, they were scurrying about the aisle as if they were in their living room, and the mother was yelling at them as if she were in her living room and they were yelling back as if they were in their living room and the whole sorry business was disgusting. Then, a third of the way into the movie, two sixteen-year-old couples came up the aisle and sat off to the side on either side of the theater. My couple immediately started making out, and I have a sneaking suspicion it was a lot more than that, given the sighing and heaving that was going on. Then, half-way through the movie, about six fourteen-year-old boys came clambering up the aisle in their very attractive baggy clothing (what is with the baggy clothing? Do these people ever actually look in the mirror and see what they look like?). They sat down, had a nice loud chat, and then left. Then, two thirds of the way through the movie, two older gentemen came in, watched for ten minutes, then left. Ten minutes before the end of the movie, a couple of more teens came in and sat down front and then two ushers came in and noisily escorted them out. I don’t know if I blame the idiot kids or their idiot parents, who seem to be no better than their idiot kids. And so, I finally sound like one of those “Why, when I was your age” old fogeys, but someone needs to give classes in proper motion picture theater behavior. Oh, well, as Maurice Chevalier and Hermoine Gingold once sang:
AM I GETTING OLD?
NOT YOU… NOT YOU…
Ah, yes, I remember it well.
I haven’t been able to do a top-ten best movie list in years, because I really don’t care for that many movies these days. But I can tell you what my favorite film of last year was, and it’s a truly unpopular choice. But I don’t care, frankly, and I will go out on a limb (my leg) and say that I feel that in years to come this film will be regarded as a mini-classic (very few films are really and truly full-fledged classics), both by the critics who didn’t like it (although some gave it raves) and by the audience who totally reviled it (probably the most jeered picture of the last few years). A very misunderstood film, I really and truly was bowled over by it. A.I. There, I’ve said it and I’m glad. I thought Mr. Steven Spielberg’s work was his best in years, I enjoyed the story, thought it was told very well, thought it looked great, loved the performances, and it had a world-class score by John Williams. Oh, I know several people will blow rasberries at me, but so be it. Interestingly, since it was based on a Stanley Kubrick project, when 2001: A Space Odyssey came out, it was mostly panned by critics and hated by audiences. But after a month or so, it caught on, and many of the critics who panned it did year-end complete reversals.
My favorite musical of last year? Well, even though there’s now a bit of a backlash, I saw no more enjoyable show than The Producers. There, I’ve said it and I’m glad. The award for loudest and most relentless musical goes to Mamma Mia. Worst revival: Follies, a totally misbegotten production, in my opinion anyway. Best revival: Flower Drum Song, although it’s a revisal, not a revival. Favorite performances: Marian Seldes, Brian Murray, Michele Pawk, Reba McIntire, Brent Barrett, Kathleen Freeman, Devon May, Kerry Butler, Kaitlin Hopkins, Liz Larsen, Liz Callaway, Garrett WhoselastnameIcanneverremember (from The Spitfire Grill), the entire LA company of 3hree. I’m sure there are more and if I think of them I’ll list them in subsequent notes.
What am I, Ken Mandelbaum all of a sudden? What am I, Ebert and Roeper all of a sudden? Perhaps I’d better stop while I’m ahead. Or, perhaps I’d better stop while I’m a foot. Or, perhaps I’d better stop when I’m a knee. Or, perhaps I’d better just stop.