Well, dear readers, I have taken the advice of two of our loyal dear readers and I have purchased an Opitcal Intellimouse. This mouse has no balls or other moving parts. I immediately hooked it up, configured it, and am now happily using it. Why, do you know this mouse has no balls or other moving parts? It’s amazingly smooth and fast. That has been the problem with the mouse heretofore – the mouse had a ball and that ball would get dirty and stick and then the only option left would be to stomp both mouse and ball into oblivion. But with my brand spanking new handy-dandy ball-less mouse, everything is optical, ball-wise, so one never has problems like one had before. Thanks to the two dear readers who suggested I purchase this lovely new toy.
Last night I did something I haven’t done in quite some time. I had a massage. Now, I don’t know about you, dear readers, but the having of a massage is as sublime a treat as I know, right up there with hot fudge sundaes and pancakes at Du-Par’s. I’ve been using the same Russian-lady masseuse for a while now, and she’s great. About ten minutes into a massage I just go off to some other zone, all thought leaves me and I lie there like so much fish, a mass of unrepentent jelly-flesh, letting the Russian-lady masseuse do her magic. I do have to be careful of drooling, though. I haven’t had a massage for at least four months, so I really needed it and, after it was over, I felt so light and airy and relaxed and peaceful. I ate some pistachio nuts and sat on my couch like so much fish and I was in a state of bliss. I went to bed and slept right through the night and woke up feeling refreshed. This is beginning to sound like an infomercial, isn’t it? It’s not cheap to have a massage, but if our bodies and minds don’t deserve the occasional extravagance, then I don’t know what.
In fact, I’m feeling so good, that I don’t even mind clicking that damnable Unseemly Button below, which will whisk us all away to ExtendedTextLand.
There, I’ve clicked and I’m still feeling really refreshed and relaxed, here in ExtendedTextLand.
I haven’t seen Mr. Robert Altman’s Gosford Park, but I did pick up the CD yesterday and I must say it’s a total delight. It features a lovely score by Mr. Patrick Doyle, and some really wonderful Ivor Novello songs. I’m not all that familiar with Mr. Novello’s work, so these were discoveries for me, and they’re just charming and melodic and totally delightful. I also began to watch The Majestic last night (pre-massage, thank goodness) – I’ve gotten through a third of it thus far and I must say that so far it is Majestic in its badness and wrong-headedness. It goes wrong from the very first scene, in my opinion, and then just keeps going wrong. Endless scenes and treacly writing and ernest performances. Maybe it will get better – I’ll be watching the rest later and I will have the rest of my report tomorrow.
As those who read these here notes on a daily basis know, yesterday I went out to Image Entertainment, to bring them some more material for our DVD release of The First Nudie Musical. We transfered the cut musical number yesterday. I don’t believe I’ve seen that number for over fifteen years. It’s very interesting. For those who know the film, it was sung by the script girl, Eunice (the song is entitled Where Is A Man?). For a low budget film, it’s shot really well (unfortunately, the only surviving copy is on Betamax, so the quality isn’t wonderful) – we did the entire song in one take, the camera following Eunice all around the soundstage (we were on a crane – just like a real movie). So, why was it cut? Well, I’ll tell you why it was cut because, frankly, you have a right to know why it was cut and who the hell am I to keep that information from you? When we were searching for a distributor for the film (it was ultimately bought by Paramount) we held seven or eight “previews” at various theaters around Los Angeles. They were all very successful and we got lots and lots of laughs, and the buzz on the film was excellent (my favorite of the previews was in San Diego, where they showed it with Rudy Ray Moore’s blaxploitation film, Dolemite – we were the only white people in the audience – thank goodness, they really loved the movie). In any case, the picture would just get howls of laughter and then suddenly, a little more than halfway through, we’d get to this musical number – and everyone in the theater would go out and buy popcorn, then come back and howl at the rest of the film. This happened at every preview like clockwork – it was really funny. I took one more chance on it, when I took the film to New York to preview with Woody Allen’s Love and Death. Same thing. Everyone went out for popcorn. So, when I got back to Los Angeles to preview with Love and Death in Westwood, I went to an editing room and literally cut the number out of the print. We previewed that night and no one left and the pace of the picture was improved and the rest is history. The audience simply didn’t care about her character enough for us to invest an entire song on her. Isn’t that interesting? More interesting are these two facts: It was at that preview that Paramount came and decided to buy the film. Interesting fact two is, at that preview the film’s most famous scene and number, Dancing Dildos, didn’t exist. Isn’t that interesting? I will tell you the Dancing Dildos story tomorrow, but that’s all the stories you’re getting, because you must buy the DVD to hear the rest of the truly funny and weird backstage stories.
All right, all right, I know, you’re all waiting for the Unseemly Trivia Contest question (by the way, our two previous winners: don’t be frustrated – your handy-dandy prizes will be on their way this week – we’re a one-man operation, you know). So, here it is – I will have you know this trivia question was thought up by yours truly – I will also have you know that it stumped Mr. Stephen Sondheim. So, here it is: The very first record label I had was called Bay Cities. Bay Cities was mostly in the reissue business, we produced very few original albums, which is why I eventually went to Varese Sarabande. We did several original cast reissues. Our first four Original Cast Album reissues were the following – A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To The Forum, Golden Boy, Chicago and Woman of The Year. Interestingly, all four of those cast albums and shows have one specific thing in common. What is it?
Answers will be accepted through Monday midnight and the Highest Winner and other High Winners will be announced in Tuesday’s notes.
Have I mentioned that my mouse has no balls or other moving parts? My optical mouse is made by Logitech and it’s quite pretty – cobalt blue. It has two clicking things and a wheel for scrolling, but, it has no balls or other moving parts and that is what makes it aces in my book (Chapter 12 – The Mouse With No Balls or Other Moving Parts).
Well, dear readers, I must be on my merry way and do my merry things on this merry day. I will be very relaxed because I am still feeling the bliss of my massage. Not even the daily petty annoyances I face will take me out of my bliss. I shall not miss my bliss, I shall kiss my bliss – like this. There, I have given my bliss a kiss (no mean feat), but I will not cut short my bliss – in other words I will not give my bliss a bris. People can hiss but it will not stop my bliss. Not even the Swiss will stop my bliss. I think I’ll stop while I’m ahead. I also think I’ll stop while I’m afoot. And yet, I am not stopping. On and on I write, words and more words, but that is only because I am full of bliss.