Well, dear readers, the first thing I’ll tell you on this fine morning is that we’ve only had a measly three people take a stab at our handy-dandy Unseemly Trivia Contest this week. We need far more stabs than that. We need as many stabs as the shower scene in Psycho. In short, get stabbing, Hainsies.
Even if you think you don’t have a clue, answer anyway, and I will publish the wackiest answer right here in these notes.
Today, I shall be going to my very own Aunt Lillie’s apartment, where I shall meet up with my very own brother, and various and sundried others. My very own Aunt Lillie is something like ninety-three years old, but she’s in fine shape and she calls me “dahlink”. My very own brother is three years older than I, and he lives in Hawaii. I shall bring him back to my very own home and he will have a sleep-over and we, I have no doubt, will reminisce and amuse ourselves with tales from our sordid pasts. My very own brother and I have never been all that close, but in the last couple of years we’ve sort of become brotherly, which is very nice. He was one of the first people I sent my very own novel to, and he liked it very much (let’s just say there some autobiographical elements in the book), which made me very happy. I’ll be telling you all more about the book in the coming weeks, so, if you’re at all interested in what kind of novel a person like me would write, then come back and visit often. Yes, you never know what kind of a novel a person like me would write (well, I know what kind of a novel a person like me would write, because I wrote it) – it could be about anything, couldn’t it? Any event, any story, any old thing at all.
Tell me what you think of this, dear readers. After finishing my notes, I got ready to leave my very own home to do some errands. I called someone I had to pick up something from (who lives four blocks from me) and told her that I’d be there in five minutes and to wait downstairs for me. I then got in my car and promptly got on the freeway and was halfway to Westwood when I realized I’d forgotten to go pick up what I was supposed to pick up. Is this what they call a “senior moment”? I mean, I called this person and said “I’ll be there in five minutes” and then I forgot. Ten seconds later, as I was getting into my car, I did not remember what I’d said five minutes ago, and I blithely drove directly to the freeway and off I went. Perhaps my head was in the clouds. Oh, well, I guess I’ve got a lot on my mind. It’s a nice lot, however, quite large, and a beautiful home could be built on it. Yes, you heard it here, dear readers, I’ve got a lot on my mind – and that lot is located in Arleta. What the hell am I talking about? Is this what they call a “senior moment”? Let’s all click on that Unseemly Button below, before I forget what else I want to write about.
Where was I? I can’t remember. I’ve got to start writing things down on my appendages, like that Guy Pearce did in Memento.
Last night I dreamed I was at Manderly. But before that, I watched an actual motion picture. I managed to get an early copy of the Disney musical entitled Newsies (which officially comes out on Tuesday). Newsies came out in 1992, and was an attempt to do an original screen musical. I saw it then, and the fact is, I walked out after a half-hour. I thought it was awful for reasons I’ll go into, and I just couldn’t see wasting any more time on it. When the laserdisc came out, I dutifully bought it, watched the first half-hour again, liked it a teeny bit more, but still shut it off. I finally watched the whole thing in its entirety last night and it was a very interesting experience, for several reasons. First off, because I feel moviemaking has become so hyper and loud and obnoxious, and because I feel movies pander to people who no longer have an attention span, watching Newsies, a film whose musical numbers I’d felt were too “cutty” (i.e. too much MTV-crap), looks positively benign now, positively like it was made in an entirely different era. It has a conventional structure and a real story. It’s a good story too, and probably would make a fine musical, but sadly, this isn’t that fine musical. Oh, it wants to be, and it certainly has aged better than something like Tron, which I also picked up yesterday. In fact, the years have been exceptionally kind to Newsies.
My problems with it are fairly simple. The script doesn’t have enough variety to it – once it sets up its premise (based on true events) then the screenwriters basically do the same scenes over and over again, without finding ways to make them interesting. A shame, really, because it could have been much better in that regard. My other problem is Mr. Kenny Ortega, the director of the film. Mr. Ortega is a very very nice man, a competent choreographer but not a very inspired director. His few films just meander along. As I said, competent, but nothing more. And this film wants more. This film needs more. The score is also problematic. Let me say, that a few of the songs are really and truly excellent, as good as anything that’s been written for the screen in years (and that includes The Little Mermaid and Beauty and the Beast). Alan Menken’s music is tuneful, beautiful, exciting. Jack Feldman’s lyrics are sometimes the equal of Menken’s music, and sometimes not. And, like the script, they get into this rut of doing basically the same number – anthem-like spirited numbers which all say “will the boys pull together and win”. That said, I adore the opening number, Carrying the Banner, which is a perfect example of writing an opening that tells you what lies ahead, and Santa Fe is one of the best things Menken has ever written (Feldman’s lyric is excellent as well). Along the same lines, Ortega tends to choreograph the same number all the time – each musical number looks exactly like the last. The one time he really does excellently, Christian Bale’s dance in Santa Fe, he (or the editor) ruin it with too much cutting and those dreaded and pointless inserts of feet. May I just say that no dance number ever needs close-up inserts of feet. They make no sense and they’re disruptive. Fred Astaire and Gene Kelly had it right. Show the dance “in one”, let the audience see the steps and the shape of the number. It doesn’t mean you don’t have editing or do nice camera moves (watch the title number of Singin’ In The Rain), it just means you let the audience experience the joy of the performer and the choreographer’s art. That’s one of the reasons why Moulin Rouge drove me so crazy – I wanted to see the steps and the shape of the numbers, and I couldn’t because Mr. Luhrman somehow thinks maniacally cutting every second is somehow musical. It isn’t.
My goodness, I am going on, aren’t I? The cast of boys is excellent, especially Christian Bale, who, I must say, does great American accents – both here and in American Psycho. In one of the Newsies documentaries, it is very unnerving when he speaks in his native Brit tongue. Ann-Margret is her usual beautiful and sexy self, in a totally unnecessary and pointless role. I mean, if you’re going to create a role, and then cast Ann-Margret in it, there should be a point to the role and some meaty things for her to do. I’m not saying whether the role is important or not, I’m just saying that as presented it’s simply filler.
I have read several posts on the internet saying Newsies would make a good stage musical, and I am beginning to concur with them. It would be a very expensive proposition, however – large cast, large show. It would also need a lot of new songs, but there is a wonderful musical in Newsies itching to get out.
What am I, Ebert and Roeper all of a sudden? Oh, well, give Newsies a look – there’s much to enjoy. And, of course, we enjoy its David and Goliath theme. You know, the rich and powerful trying to keep the little guy down, trying to buy loyalty, trying to break the spirit of people whose spirit will simply not be broken. That is a fine theme, and one we always respond to.
Well, dear readers, I must away. Don’t forget to take a stab at our trivia question. I do hope that once I get in the car, that I remember where the hell I’m going.