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February 19, 2002:

THE ADVENTURE CONTINUES

Bruce Kimmel Photograph bk's notes

Well, dear readers, we have several High Winners and a Highest Winner in our handy-dandy trivia contest. I was pleased to see how many people took guesses this week because that bodes well for the future and frankly we need all the good bodes we can get. One simply cannot have enough good bodes. We’ll announce the winners a little later on.

My diet of late has been very disturbing. Yes, you heard it here, dear readers, my diet has been disturbing. I don’t know what’s with me, but my appetite has led me in very strange directions. Basically, I’ve had no appetite, so I’ve been eating weird things. For example, last night, for no reason whatsoever, I decided to eat twenty-six low fat crackers with cream cheese. First of all, one low fat cracker with cream cheese is nauseating enough, but twenty-six low fat crackers with cream cheese just takes nauseating into a whole new realm. Yet, there I was, sitting on my couch like so much fish, eating twenty-six low fat crackers with cream cheese. This was dinner. For lunch I had eaten perhaps the worst cheese and bacon omelet I’ve ever had the misfortune to stick down my gaping maw. It was at a diner that had been highly touted and which is quite popular with those who live in the Marina (del Rey). I had a meeting there regarding the benefit for Tourette’s Syndrome which I’m directing. By the way, tickets are now on sale for the benefit, which honors the memory and music of Mr. Julius Wechter. I’ll have complete information for you in tomorrow’s notes.

In any case, I would not recommend eating twenty-six low fat crackers with cream cheese or a cheese and bacon omelet at the highly touted diner in Marina del Rey. Oh, I also ate some sushi that I bought at Tader Joe’s market. I don’t eat raw fish (well, lox occasionally), so I bought a package that contained two shrimps and a California Roll. That would be a good title for a Disney movie, wouldn’t it? Two Shrimps and a California Roll. Now wait just a darned minute. That sounds familiar. I’ll be right back.

I knew it sounded familiar. Two Shrimps and a California Roll is a song by Hinky Meltz and Ernest Ernest! Those boys really had their pulse on the fingers of America, I’ll tell you that and more. I’ll print a little of it later, but for now let me just say that the rice that the shrimp and California Roll was ensconced in was just a bit too sticky and a bit too sweet and was, in its own sweet way, as nauseating as the twenty-six low fat crackers with cream cheese which I ate to cut the sweet and sticky taste of the Two Shrimps and a California Roll. Oh, shouldn’t we all click the Unseemly Button below before I vomit?

Today, our serialized story continues – albeit a short entry.

Sales started out strong that first year at Varese. But, as more and more people began getting in the game and doing the kinds of albums we did, sales over the years became not as strong – although, what I learned is that the more promotion and publicity we put behind a title, the better it did. Hence, Laurie Beechman’s Andrew Lloyd Webber album was a huge seller, doing over thirty-thousand units. But the bigger Broadway cast albums all seemed to do well, and the off-Broadway albums seemed to not do as well. That said, we always seemed to sell at least three thousand of everything (over the long haul) although there were a handful of exceptions to that (a couple of the Trotter/Sondheim albums did less, I think). Several of the off-Broadway albums did get over four thousand, and one, I Love You, You’re Perfect, Now Change did significantly better than that. Things like Cowgirls, which initially didn’t do that well, ultimately ended up doing very well because there were always productions playing and those theaters would always order the CD. That was the point with the shows – I went after things that I felt would have a life – and frequently they did, and if they did that would result in sales. Point being that the albums were never dead issues, plus Varese owned them – unlike the soundtracks they put out, which were licensed from the studios. Sometimes the concept albums like Cinderella and Peter Pan, both wonderful albums, would take two years to break even, but they did and they ultimately became profitible and were steady sellers. But, as the years went by, the owner of Varese became disillusioned witht the Broadway market. Mind you, when things came to a head there, the albums I produced were in the black (overall, and that included some wildly successful filmmusic albums I did – well, one wildly successful filmmusic album). That, to me, was an achievement, because the Spotlight Series should have been looked at as a boutique part of the label, and as long as it was not losing a tremendous amount of money, as long as I was able to keep doing albums which would keep us in the black, then I didn’t really see any problems. Plus, I always knew that other labels who had jumped on the bandwagon would tire of the game (they did, but not while I was at Varese), because that sort of thing always happened to Varese with soundtracks. Interestingly, my most successful album at Varese was entitled Titanic: The Ultimate Collection. I will pat myself on the back and say that it was a great idea, well done, well thought out, and they spent the money to publicize and promote it. It sold close to seventy thousand copies, spent forty-two weeks on the Billboard Classical Crossover Chart (it debuted at number two) and made Varese a ton of money. Despite that, and despite 1998 being my best year in terms of sales (my albums sold something like 170,000 cds that year – not a great number for a major, but significant for a smaller label), things started getting very negative in 1999. The reasons for this were interesting. To be continued.

Well, don’t you think it’s time to announce our winners? First, the trivia question and answer.

What 1952 musical film featured a young musical performer who would go on to win a Tony Award? Bonus points if you can tell what changed about the performer after this film.

The film was Warner Bros.’ musical version of Brother Rat, About Face, which starred Gordon Macrae and Eddie Bracken, both of whom did many musicals. The young performer was Joel Grey, who would go on to win a Tony award for Cabaret. Many people thought what changed about him was his name – Mr. Grey is the son of Jewish comedian Mickey Katz, but Mr. Grey had changed his name before this film, not after. No, what changed about Mr. Grey after this film was his nose. Mr. Grey had a big old honker in About Face and he had it bobbed or nipped or redone after this film to the cute little button nose he has now. His daughter did the same thing, with frightening results. She no longer resembles in any way the adorable girl she was in Dirty Dancing – a shame. Our High Winners were Jeff Kaufman, Lulu, Robert Armin, Michael Shayne and Jed. I placed all those names in our handy-dandy electronic hat, which chose our Highest Winner randomly and without favor. This week’s Highest Winner is Robert Armin, and if Mr. Armin will send his handy-dandy address he will be receiving a special handy-dandy prize. Because of the success of this week’s quiz, I’m going to do the Unseemly Trivia Quizzes myself, with occasional guest quizzes from others. I’ve gotten a whole new batch of prizes to give away, so keep playing each and every week. Congratulations to all our winners, and thanks to all who played.

As promised, here’s the Meltz and Ernest song I found.

TWO SHRIMPS AND A CALIFORNIA ROLL Music by Hinky Meltz Lyrics by Ernest Ernest

I have this tiny flaw,
I don’t like fish that’s raw
So eating sushi isn’t what I do.
But who knew I’d find bliss
In a sushi bar like this
But I found bliss because I discovered you…

Two shrimps and a California Roll,
And you.
Two shrimps and a California Roll
And I knew I was through.
You came in through the door,
I had seaweed in my teeth
I was munching on some rice and crab
When you sat down and we began to gab-

Two Shrimps and a California Roll
And you.
Two Shrimps and a California Roll
Is what you ordered, too.
You sat right next to me,
And we seemed to strike a spark.
For you hated raw fish just like me
And I knew then we’d found sushi harmony-

No tuna, no yellow tail for us
It wasn’t even something to discuss
Eating sushi was a minor hobby
Though we both loved soy sauce and wasabe
But we both shared the same bravado
When it came to crab and avacado-

Two Shrimps and a California Roll
And you.
Two Shrimps and a California Roll
My single days are through.
For since that lovely night
We have never been apart
We’re like two shrimps on a bed of rice
It’s a metaphor – but one that’s nice
We’re together and we’re whole,
Because of two shrimps and a California Roll!

That is so touching. The music is so Japanese and tinkly, too, it’s just marvelous. I believe this song was recorded by Felton Wink on his album Love in a Sushi Bar.

Well, dear readers, I must away to my friend Grant Geissman’s house – Mr. Geissman, a wonderful guitarist, is providing the background score for our handy-dandy documentary. And then I’m off to Image Entertainment to approve the packaging for the DVD.


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