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February 8, 2002:

THE MISSING PERSONALITY

Bruce Kimmel Photograph bk's notes

Well, dear readers, I am groggy but feeling a bit better this morning. I went out yesterday and bought a fresh bottle of NyQuil, and that did the trick last night – knocked me right out and I slept for nine hours. I’m at that place where it will either get worse or better, hopefully the latter, but I won’t know that until later today.

On Monday and Tuesday, we will be doing the commentary tracks and on-camera interviews for our faux documentary about the making of The First Nudie Musical. I haven’t seen some of these folks for twenty-seven years, so it should be interesting. Cindy Williams will be there, along with Stephen Nathan, Leslie Ackerman, Alan Abelew and many of the supporting cast. We shall, of course, have a plentiful supply of cheese slices and ham chunks for the shoot. It’s all being done very tongue-in-cheek, and will hopefully be fun.

Have I mentioned that I’m groggy? And achy? I can barely see the screen as I type these fershluaganah notes. Actually, that reminds me of a song that the great Hinky Meltz and Ernest Ernest wrote. It’s called Groggy and Achy. Let me see if I can find the music. Ah, here it is.

GROGGY AND ACHY Music by Hinky Meltz Lyrics by Ernest Ernest

Groggy and achy
And sneezing and coughing
Wretching and shvitzing
And all ’cause of you
‘Cause you gave me the flu

Yes, you infected me and ran –
And now I feel all
Groggy and achy
And nauseous and yechhhy
And queasy and all because of you.

You know I just need to lie down
I need sleep
But I keep blowing my nose
You know my Kleenex just ran out
What to do?
Toilet paper – use the toilet paper

‘Cause I’m blowing and hocking
And pissy and foggy
Groggy and achy
And all because of you
Giving me the flu.
What I’d really like to do
Is give it back to you.

Isn’t that a good Meltz and Ernest song? Well, perhaps we should all click on that Unseemly Button below, whilst I blow my nose.

There, I have blown and you have clicked and here we are.

Last night I watched an advance DVD of Hearts In Atlantis. I really wanted to like it but, like most movies today, it was just bloated and overwrought, every emotion telegraphed and underlined – what ever happened to the ability to tell a story simply? It can be done, witness To Kill A Mockingbird. I do like Mr. Anthony Hopkins, though, and he was very good here. I didn’t love the kid actors much, and I am very weary of the stock bully-kid character in these stories and films. This director, Scott Hicks, if I’m not mistaken, directed Snow Falling on Cedars, which was one of the worst movies I’ve ever seen.

What am I, Ebert and Roeper all of a sudden? I also watched two Blake Edwards films, The Man Who Loved Women (based on the Truffaut film of the same name) and Blind Date. I am a fan of Mr. Edwards – when he’s on and good, there is no one better – unfortunately, when he’s off and bad there is no one worse. These two films, sadly, find Mr. Edwards in the latter category. They are fairly excruciating.

Don’t forget, tomorrow is our Unseemly Trivia Contest. And, Mr. Donald Feltham will tell us what his new radio show has in store for us. I wish I could be more amusing and pithy, but I’m too groggy. My personality seems to have gone missing, hasn’t it? If anyone has seen my personality, please let me know immediately – tell it to come home this instant. My personality is always doing this – it just leaves and goes out, doesn’t tell me where or why, just deserts me, willy-nilly and also nilly-willy. Yes, Viriginia, my personality just deserts me, which I suppose means I’m getting my just desserts, desert-wise. Speaking of just desserts, I’m thinking about going on The Dessert Diet, a diet of my own concocting, wherein you only eat desserts three times a day. Sugar in the morning, sugar in the evening, sugar all through the day. For example, for dinner tonight I might have a delicious cake. For lunch I might have a Baby Ruth energy bar. And, for breakfast I might have a Danish or perhaps a Swedish, or even an Amish. What the hell am I talking about? This is what happens when one is groggy. When two is groggy, it’s even worse.

Well, dear readers, I think I’d better rest and wait for my personality to return. Today’s topic of discussion for Unseemly Comments: What is your favorite guilty pleasure, musical-wise? Only one allowed. Also, as some of you know, there were some site problems yesterday, some strange things going on here at haineshisway.com. Those things were fixed quickly by Mr. Mark Bakalor and his crack team of fixers. But in so fixing, we lost several of your comment posts. We do apologize for that and hopefully it will not happen again. If it does, we shall all have to traipse up north so we can have a group bitch-slapping of Mr. Mark Bakalor and said fixers.

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