Well, dear readers, I am definitely under the weather. When I am under the weather I do not sleep very well at all, and last night was no exception. I slept exactly one hour and now I’m quite overtired. Yes, you heard it here, dear readers, I am under the weather and overtired. If I take care of myself, then maybe tomorrow I shall be over the weather and undertired. I’ve sucked on half a package of Coldeez to no effect whatsoever (other than the fact that they make me nauseous). I took NyQuil before bedtime, but it’s been sitting in the cupboard for a year, so I have no clue if it had any potency left. Normally, NyQuil knocks me out, but it most certainly did not do so last night. I tossed and turned, and then, for variety, I turned and tossed. I rearranged my pillows. I counted sheep, the sheep counted me. Nothing worked. I just lay there like a piece of herring. I don’t like being sick one bit. My throat feels scratchy and yet I cannot itch it. Or should it be, my throat feels itchy and I cannot scratch it. Oh, well, nothing to do but stay home and nurse myself. I shall put on my nurse’s uniform and take care of me. It’s white, you know. With a little cap. I look very cute in it, especially the white stockings with the garter belt. What the hell am I talking about? This is what happens one one is under the weather and overtired. Like I own a garter belt.
I cannot concentrate. My eyes are watery and glassy, not necessarily in that order. Perhaps I’ll get some authentic Chicken Soup later. They say that authentic Chicken Soup has healing properties. I’ve always liked healing properties, especially Boardwalk and Park Place. Oh, now, you see, I’m so sick I’ve started to use Monopoly metaphors. Once the Monopoly metaphors start, well, the only conceivable thing to do is to click on the Unseemly Button below and hope they go away.
My community chest feels very heavy right now. Oops, I guess we still have the Monopoly metaphors. Oh, well, perhaps I’ll buy some houses, or maybe even a hotel – that might make me feel like the King of Marvin Gardens.
Yesterday, someone used our handy-dandy unseemly search box and searched “noodle kugel” and “stuffed derma”. Now, I don’t know about you, dear readers, but I think there was a Jewish person here yesterday. Looking for the goods on “noodle kugel” and “stuffed derma” (kishka). I wonder if people go to amazon or barnesandnoble or theatermania and search “noodle kugel” and “stuffed derma”? Wait a minute, let’s all go to those sites and search “noodle kugel” and “stuffed derma” – that will confound them, won’t it? I feel we should go all over the internet searching for “noodle kugel” and “stuffed derma” because confound it I want to confound people. I want everyone on the internet to be confounded because I am under the weather and overtired and this is what you get when you are under the weather and overtired. You get surrealism and Monopoly metaphors.
I got my car back from its servicing – it’s running splendidly, which is more than I can say for me. I am not running splendidly, I am under the weather and overtired. Has anyone noticed that I just keep repeating the same thing over and over again? Has anyone noticed that I just keep repeating the same thing over and over again?
Well, maybe it’s time to put on my nurse’s outfit, so I can nurse me back to health. Tomorrow I promise to be more lucid and I shall write many important things, like how good it is to own all four railroads. Yes, Virginia Avenue, perhaps it is time to go (I will, of course, collect two hundred dollars) – I need rest. I need balms and gileads. I need ointments and salves. I need a new bottle of NyQuil. I need warmth and comfort. Oh, well, I guess I can catch up on my DVDs. Have you ever caught “up” on your DVDs. Just what the hell is “up” doing on our respective DVDs anyway? Like we wouldn’t catch “up” on our DVDs? “Up” is so conspicuous, how could you not catch “up”. I feel the word “conspicuous” is conspicuous. Today’s topic for Unseemly Comment: What’s your favorite musical theater performance that you’ve ever seen? Only one allowed.
Well, dear readers, hopefully tomorrow I shall be on the upswing, health-wise. If not, I’m afraid we’re in for more Monopoly metaphors.