Well, dear readers, we received a very interesting e-mail in the haineshisway.com mailbox this morning. Here it is:
“Where can I go On the internet to complain about Haines changing the quality of there socks…?”
Needless to say, I was shocked and dismayed by this e-mail. I called Guy Haines immediately and asked him point blank if he had changed the quality of his socks. He assured me that not only has he not changed the quality of his socks, he hasn’t even changed his socks. And he wonders why no one wants to be around him. I was determined to get to the bottom of this, however, and I grilled Mr. Haines mercilessly. I didn’t broil or fry Mr. Haines mercilessly, mind you, no I grilled him mercilessly, which is much healthier. But Mr. Haines never wavered. Then I noticed that the author of the e-mail had inadvertantly left the “i” out of “there” (as in “their socks”) and had inadvertantly put an “i” in Haines (as in Hanes). And therin lies both confusion and madness. A simple “i” can mean so much, Haines-wise. My question is this: Has Hanes changed the quality of their socks? If so, let me know, so I can give this fellow who e-mailed me an answer.
By the way, I haven’t changed the quality of my socks, my socks are of excellent quality – in fact, the thought of wearing socks with less quality makes me want to vomit. There, I’ve said it and I’m glad.
Someone came to this here site in the wee hours of the morning and performed a search for Misty Cotton. No, that is not a brand of underwear, it is a very talented performer named Misty Cotton. Misty, by the way, is currently playing either Daisy or Violet in the West Coast premiere of Side Show, and she got excellent reviews. I really must go see it. There was a time (recently) when every single reading of a musical I would attend would have Misty Cotton in it. I do think that Misty Cotton would be a good name for a line of underwear, though, don’t you? As long as they didn’t change the quality.
Why am I writing the entire notes in this teaser section? Am I looking to get bitch-slapped by Mr. Mark Bakalor? Fat chance, since Mr. Mark Bakalor is off doing the Hora or whatever the hell he’s off doing. The exciting news is that at the eleventh hour we had a trivia contest winner. So, let’s all click on the Unseemly Button below and find out just who the eleventh hour winner is, along with the correct answer.
I was just wondering, has anyone changed the quality of their socks recently? I will get to the bottom of this, I swear.
So, apparently Mr. Craig Brockman’s trivia question was very difficult indeed, because until the eleventh hour we had not one single correct guess. In fact, we had damn few guesses at all. I will tell you that when Mr. Craig Brockman posed the question to me, I didn’t get it right either. In fact, I went the way that all of our incorrect guessers went, and assumed the Tony-winner was Chita Rivera. Of course, everyone got the first part of the question right – everyone knew “Glory Osky” from West Side Story. Incorrect guessers who assumed it was Chita, guessed everything from Bye, Bye Birdie to The Rink (that was my guess). The question was: Name the two musicals in which the phrase “Glory Osky” appears in the lyric to a song, and name the performer who happened to be on the original cast album for both shows. The answer:
West Side Story – Gee, Officer Krupke
Woman of the Year – The Poker Game
The Tony-award winning performer who appeared in both shows: Marilyn Cooper.
Our eleventh hour winner was Mr. Robby Rozelle. Since there is no competition, he is this week’s Highest Winner, and if he will send us his handy-dandy address, we will send him his handy-dandy prize. By the way, all former Highest Winners should have their prizes by now. However, in order for Mr. Rozelle to claim his prize, he will have to assure our dear readers that the quality of his socks has not changed.
Instead of talking about one of my favorite musicals, why don’t I talk about a musical that got away, one that failed but that I’m very fond of indeed. That musical is Smile, with book and lyrics by Howard Ashman and Music by Marvin Hamlisch. I was thinking about Smile because I have what they call a “reviewer’s reel” for the show, about twenty minutes of well-taped highlights that they would then give to television reviewers to use. Plus, someone had made me a whole tape of other bits about Smile, such as the CBS 60 Minutes story, and several talk shows that Mr. Hamlisch did. I had those tapes transfered to DVD and I watched them yesterday.
Smile, I think, is a terrific idea for a musical. And what I see on this reviewer’s reel would lead me to believe that the Broadway production was top-notch. I’d never seen it on Broadway, but I did manage to score a cassette of the songs and I fell in love with them immediately. So much so, that when I began producing albums way back in 1993, I came up with the Unsung Musicals series specifically so I could record songs from Smile (I ultimately recorded four of them, I think). From what one can gather by watching and looking at the reviews, the tone of the show was never right. The film on which the musical is based, is pretty good, and its satire hits the mark pretty well and pretty consisitently. Apprently, they sort of got it right in Act One, and then it went to hell in Act Two. A shame really. I did see the show finally, in a small production in New Jersey, and the critics were right – the tone of the show isn’t right. After a reasonably good first act, the second act gets preachy and serious and the fun goes out the window. But that score is just a total delight from start to finish. I tried for years to get Mr. Hamlisch to let me record it, but Mr. Hamlisch doesn’t like to know from flops. I’m lucky he let me do the four songs. The choreography that is on view on this reviewer’s reel is fantastic. It’s by someone almost virtually unknown to me, I think her name is Mary Kyte, who certainly wasn’t heard from much after this show bombed. The first time I watched this tape, years ago, I assumed these numbers had been either doctored or totally redone by Michael Bennett (who, of course, was a friend and cohort of Mr. Hamlisch) – they reek of Michael Bennett, especially the number, Shine. That is just pure Michael Bennett from start to finish. However, I have never been able to confirm one way or another whether Mr. Bennett actually did come in to help. If not, then it’s a real shame Ms. Kyte didn’t continue choreographing Broadway musicals, because Shine, for example, is better than anything I’ve seen Miss Susan Stroman do. If anyone can shed light on this please do so. In fact, let’s make Smile the topic of discussion for our Unseemly Comments.
Well, dear readers, I must go check on the quality of my socks, just to make sure that some lesser quality socks didn’t get in the drawer by mistake. I recommend all of you search your sock drawers as well.