Well, dear readers, I have been admiring my feet. My feet are sweet. And extremely neat. In fact, they can’t be beat. As you all know I had a pedicure yesterday, not to mention a manicure yesterday. “Ped” of course, refers to feet, although I’m not sure what “icure” refers to. Actually, does “ped” refer to feet? Isn’t a foot specialist a podiatrist not a pediatrist? Have I been laboring under a misconception all these years. Have you ever labored under a misconception and, if so, why? But if the “ped” in pedicure does refer to feet, what does the “man” in manicure refer to? Certainly not hands. Unless the hands were doing something violent, in which case they could be manhandling. If anyone knows what the hell I’m talking about, please raise your manhand now.
Today, Miss Michelle Nicastro will be coming to my very own residence where she will pick up the music to two of the songs from my new musical (which I’m writing with Mr. David Wechter). Once she learns them, we will record them for a little mini demo we’re putting together. Then later today I will be heading over to Image Entertainment to online our Nudie Musical documentary. This, apparently, takes three evenings to do. The good news is that I found a missing box of Nudie memorabilia. Have you ever found a missing box? It is ever so exciting. In any case this no-longer-missing box of Nudie memorabilia is chockful of rarities that can now be included in the supplementary section of the DVD. All right, I want to know right now – who amongst us is laboring under a misconception. This is weighing heavy on my mind. Exactly what kind of labor are you doing under the misconception? Hammering spikes? Sawing wood? Repaving the sidewalk? When I labor under a misconception it usually involves heavy lifting. I love heavy lifting. I find heavy lifting invigorating. In fact, I find the word “invigorating” invigorating. And stupid.
I was glancing at yesterday’s notes and realized when I said to buy Lisa Richard’s new album, I wrote “by it now”. I do hope you forgive the occasionally hastily typed typo, becuase I sipmly donut have tyme to proof and ficks them.
Why have I called today’s notes “A Wand’ring Minstrel I”? I have no idea. First of all, I am not a wand’ring minstrel I. I don’t even have a wand’ring minstrel eye. Sometimes I do have a wand’ring eye but it has nothing to do with minstrels. Do minstrels eat minestrone? Is this what is known as going off the deep end. The only possible way out of this madness is to click on the Unseemly Button below, before we’re all sentenced to hard labor under a misconception.
Thank goodness, we have found our way out of this madness. I feel we are all wand’ring minstrel Is, don’t you. That was the first thing I woke up thinking this morning – I am a wand’ring minstrel I. Yesterday I thought I was a wand’ring minstrel You. Enough with the wand’ring minstrels already, who gives a flying Wallenda about wand’ring minstrels? Unless, of course, they were born under a wand’rin star. That is something wholly other.
As promised, here is the wonderful Meltz and Ernest song, I Eat Mayo on Cinco de Mayo, which has a real mariachi flair to it.
I EAT MAYO ON CINCO DE MAYO Music by Hinky Meltz Lyrics by Ernest Ernest (adapted from an original Spanish poem by Jose Xaviar Esposito Rodriguez Mendoza IV)
Oh, I eat mayo on Cinco de Mayo
I eat mustard on the 4th of July.
I like jelly and jam on Halloween,
Although I really cannot even tell you why.
Oh, I eat mayo on Cinco de Mayo
I sing Day-O when I visit Ohio.
Every holiday I’m wacky
And they think that I’m on cracky
Eating mayo on Cinco
They may think that I am stinko
Eating mayo on Cinco
de Mayo.
Oh, I eat mayo on Cinco de Mayo
I eat margerine when it’s Labor Day.
I like butter on scones on Christmas Eve
I am zany that’s the only thing to say.
Oh, I eat mayo on Cinco de Mayo,
I am a-okay whenever I fly-o
Every holiday I’m kookie
And they think that I am spooky
Eating mayo on Cinco
They may say that I’m a Pinko
Eating mayo on Cinco
de Mayo…
Every holiday I’m loony
I eat ice cream with a spoony
You can have a lot of Cincos
If you copy them at Kinko’s
Eating mayo on Cinco
de Mayo.
What I love about that song is its total lack of conventional form and the fact that it apparently has absolutely no meaning whatsoever. That is the essence of Meltz and Ernest in a nutshell. “I eat ice cream with a spoony”, that is just brilliant. Sondheim could not have done better. No, he would have done someting like “Every holiday I’m loony, like a cross-eyed Mickey Rooney”, you know, something smart ass like that. You know, with his rhyming dictionary. Ernest Ernest never used a rhyming dictionary.
Well, dear readers I must go admire my feet some more and then I must labor under a misconception. Whilst I do that, we’ll have today’s topic of discussion. I think we’ll instigate a once-a-week “ask Bruce anything you want” topic, and we’ll start with that today. Just ask me anything you’d like to know and I will answer you willy-nilly and also nilly-willy. I will, in fact, try to post the answers as you ask the questions – at least up until the time I leave later this afternoon. Or, I might just answer all your questions in tomorrow’s notes. Ask away.