Well, dear readers, I have found out the true reason we have not been able to implement any sparkling changes to this here site. I found out when Mr. Mark Bakalor made a passing comment that he was packing boxes. Yes, you heard it here, dear readers, Mr. Mark Bakalor is not only passing comments he’s packing boxes and that is why we have not been able to implement any sparkling changes to this here site. However, I believe he will soon be through packing boxes and then, by gum and by George, we will have our sparkling changes, come hell or high or low water. For example, here are some of the sparkling changes we are contemplating:
A Hinky Meltz and Ernest Ernest song archive. A First Nudie Musical and Benjamin Kritzer section, where you will be able to purchase signed copies of both DVD and book. Some brand new sparkling merchandise, including Nudie Musical and Benjamin Kritzer t-shirts and hats. An FAQ where you can find answers to our most Frequently Asked Question or, if you’ve got all the answers to our most Frequently Asked Questions, then you can find out all about Flemish Art Quirks or Fried Artichoke Quality. Aren’t those simply sparkling changes we’re contemplating once Mr. Mark Bakalor is through packing his boxes? I feel the most important of them is the section on Flemish Art Quirks because that is a subject we all need to be more familiar with, don’t you think? By the way, Flemish Art Quirks are not to be confused with the much more common Phlegmish Art Quirks. Have you read Dr. Heinrich Zither’s amazing dissertation on Phlegmish Art Quirks? It is the definitive dissertation on the subject and I recommend it wholeheartedly. What the hell am I talking about?
Congratulations are in order, dear readers, which, I suppose, is better than congratulations being out of order. I hate when congratulations are out of order, don’t you? I like my congratulations to be in order so I can find each congratulation where it should be. In any case, our very own dear reader Lolita has been accepted into a Young Playwright’s Retreat. She had to write a Young Play to get in, and apparently her Young Play did the trick and she is now going to go off to some Young Playwright’s Retreat in the woods somewhere with other Young Playwrights she doesn’t know. This whole thing sounds a little fishy to me, rather like rotting sturgeon. First of all, will there be supervision by Old Playwrights? Because if it’s just a bunch of Young Playwrights romping in the bushes, well all manner of unseemly things can and most likely will happen. If Young Playwrights are left to their own devices whilst in the woods, they will drink punch and dance about in skimpy clothing and partake of hard candies and invoke the name of Shaw while eating coconuts and lying on leaves in dappled sunlight. Well, I’m sure Lolita will tell us all about it when she returns from the Young Playwrights Retreat. Perhaps while she is there she will write a Young Play about Flemish Art Quirks.
Speaking of Flemish Art Quirks, isn’t it time we all click on that Unseemly Button below before we are all bitch-slapped by that Flemish Art Quirk himself, the box-packing Mr. Mark Bakalor?
Yesterday I rehearsed with the wonderous Karen Morrow and Nancy Dussault, for our Tourette’s Syndrome benefit. What lovely people they are, and what a treat to work with them and hear those incredible voices. The event, by the way, looks like it will be a sellout, so if you’re contemplating attending, you’d better get your tickets soon.
THE MELTZ AND ERNEST STORY: THE UNVARNISHED TRUTH
It was a high time for Hinky Meltz and Ernest Ernest. They rented a small studio in the heart of Manhattan, and every day they would go there and write their songs. This was an especially fertile period for them, and they created such classics as Your Lips Are Large
Your lips are large, dear
Big as a barge, dear
You cannot miss them in a crowd
I’d like to kiss them in a crowd
My Pussy Is Defiant –
My cat will not do a thing I tell her
I’d like to sell her now
Because
My pussy is defiant and goes her own way
My pussy will not stand for petting
My pussy’s weird and it’s upsetting
My pussy is defiant, a cat that will not play
My pussy is defiant and what more can I say?
And many many others, including their wonderful novelty song, I Joined the Wacs Because I’m Wacky –
I joined the Wacs because I’m wacky,
Now I’m stuck in Hacensacky
With a bunch of wacky Wacs, we’re quite a clan.
We have to live inside a shacky
If we’re good we get a snacky
There is nothing that we lacky but a man.
That marvelous Hawaiian-flavored melody was a big hit for the boys and sold several copies. But it was the mid-fifties, and a time of change for music. Tin Pan Alley was on its way out and rock-and-roll was on its way in. They tried their hand at rock-and-roll, of course, with Rock and Roll Root Beer, which was recorded by Jerry Lee Lipman, although it never seems to have been released. But what Meltz and Ernest really wanted to do was write a Broadway musical and that is where they set their sites.
Isn’t this a good biography? Stay tuned for more installments.
I have one question: Where in tarnation did this week go? It seems like yesterday was Monday, and yet it’s Friday, which means tomorrow is already our Unseemly Trivia Contest. I’ll try to come up with another good brain teaser, and hopefully this week we will have a winner. And Sunday, our very special two-hour radio show with special guest Billy Barnes will be up, later in the day. We are still not as popular on the weekends as we are on the weekdays, so bring your friends over here for the weekend fun – we shall all put on our bikinis and Speedos and eat cheese slices and ham chunks and dance the Hora and the Swim, and we will roast weiners and marshmallows, and we will have a sleepover and tell scary stories and we will discuss Flemish Art Quirks. Oh, what a time we shall have.
Well, dear readers, it is time for me to do the things I do, to take the day, to see various and sundried people and to go about my daily routine. Today’s topic of discussion: What film have you seen the most times and what musical have you seen the most times? I’ll start: Film – would have to be a toss-up between The Court Jester, which I have probably seen over 100 times, and maybe North by Northwest, a film I can never get enough of. Musical – probably a tie between Hello, Dolly! and A Chorus Line. Your turn.