Well, dear readers, here we are on Thursday, now known around these parts as Answer Day. We broke another record yesterday with forty-four posts (well, forty-two, if you get rid of the two double posts). Isn’t that exciting? Isn’t that just too too? Soon we will be the most popular site on all the internet and people will come from far and wide and also wide and far and we will all eat cheese slices and ham chunks together and we shall dance the Hora and also the Pachanga and we will have pithy conversation over shrimp bits on toast and we will be a happy lot. Speaking of broken records, I sound like one, don’t I? Has anyone noticed that I say the same things over and over again? Has anyone noticed that I say the same things over and over again?
Last night I watched the new DVD of Fatal Attraction, a film of Mr. Adrian Lyne. There’s an interesting new documentary on the DVD and lots of extras, unusual for Paramount. The film has actually gotten better with time, because new thrillers have gotten so much worse. Fatal Attraction has now been copied so many times in so many ways by so many inferior people that the original is looking something like a minor classic. I don’t love it, but it’s all done very well and it’s my favorite of Mr. Lyne’s films (I normally don’t care for his films at all). Glenn Close does an excellent job creating a woman you love to hate, and Michael Douglas and Anne Archer are both terrific. Now, hopefully, Paramount will reach into their vaults and do a DVD of Li’l Abner. The bad-looking VHS will simply not do. I do have a Technicolor 16mm print of it, but it’s a pain-in-the-butt cheeks to run.
What am I, Ebert and Roeper all of a sudden? What am I, a broken record all of a sudden? What can I do? I find repetition amusing. Besides, we must plant our Haines/Kimmelisms in the world and watch them grow like a fungus. We must nurture and water our Haines/Kimmelisms because it would be unseemly not to.
Well, well, well (that is three wells), we had a lot of questions yesterday, therefore it follows there will be a lot of answers today. But first we must all click on that Unseemly Button below because Mr. Mark Bakalor has returned from the land of the Packing Jews and he is ready, willing and able (not necessarily in that order) to bitch-slap us for the smallest infraction. Just what is an infraction. A popular fraction? What is an outfraction? A fraction nobody wants to be around? Let us ponder that, whilst clicking away.
So, time for the answers to your good questions.
S. Woody White asks if I have a good recipe for Short Ribs. His ever-loving der Brucer was looking for one and came up short. Unfortunately I do not have a good or bad recipe for Short or Long Ribs. I have never cooked a rib. Actually, I don’t know if I’ve even eaten Short Ribs. I’ve eaten barbecued ribs, certainly, but I don’t know that I know from a Short Rib. Wasn’t that a fine answer? S. Woody also asks if I could be an exhibit in any of the Smithsonian museums along the Mall, of what would you be an exhibit. I don’t know if there’s a recorded sound museum, but if there was I’d be in it as an example of a broken record.
William F. Orr asks what my favorite Amanda McBroom songs is, and what Amanda McBroom is really like. First off, Amanda is one of the nicest people ever. I’ve worked with her several times and it’s always been a treat. Of my favorite McBroom originals, most are from the show I recorded, Heartbeats. I really like Old Habits Die Hard, Ship in a Bottle, Dance, Putting Things Away, and Hitchhiker. Funnily, my least favorite is her most famous, The Rose. She’s a great singer, great actress and a really good writer.
Laura asks have I ever done a commercial? Why, yes, Virginia, I believe I have done a commercial, in fact, I think I’ve done close to a hundred of the damn things, back in days of yore when I was but an actor. I’ve done commercials for McDonald’s, Mazda, Nissan, United Airlines, Charmin (my first, in which I played Young Mr. Whipple!), the Dairy Association (I had to drink glass after glass of yucky milk), RC Cola, Wells Fargo Bank, and heaven knows what else. My last commercial was done in 1993 in the midst of recording Michelle Nicastro’s first album, Toonful. It was for the Energizer, and was a nice way to go out, acting with Rip Torn and directed by Frank Oz. It was the third in that kookie series of Energizer Bunny commercials.
Lulu asks when was my daughter born and is she an only child. That reminds me of a book I was quite enamored of when I was but a wee twig of a sprig of a tad of a youth: Jack Douglas’s My Brother Was an Only Child. My daughter, Jennifer, was born in the year known as 1970 and she is indeed an only child, and a pretty great one at that.
Arnold M. Brockman asks if I had the backing and full artistic control for one recording date at this moment in time, what would I record and who would be in the project? I don’t know if there’s an answer to that question, since I’ve done pretty much everthing I’ve wanted to and had full artistic control over all 130 albums. But, I always wanted to record Smile (I’ve recorded several songs from it), so I suppose I’ll say that. A cast of unknowns as the girls, and maybe Alice Ripley and Brian d’Arcy James in the Bruce Dern and Barbara Felton roles.
Craig Brockman asks if I could give us something I love for each letter of the alphabet. Well, let’s see:
A – Artichokes with B- Butter. C – Children. D – Donuts. E – Excellence. F – Food. G – Gardens.
H – Happiness. I – Income. J – Jennifer. K – Kissing. L – Loyalty. M – Music/Massage. N – Nostrils. O – Order. P – Peace (of mind). Q – Quality. R – Roses/Rain. S – Standards. T – Theater. U – U-No Bars. V – Variety (not the magazine). W – Wonder (sense of). X – XM. Y – Yes (the answer).
Z – Zoos. That was hard. Craig asked if I could write a verse in any style or parody as if I were writing a musical of A.I. Not off the top of my head, but I shall give it some thought.
Sandra asks if Meltz and Ernest (whose story continues on the ‘morrow – Fridays are now going to be Meltz and Ernest day) ever wrote a song entitled Don’t Eat My Toes? I don’t see it listed in any of the references, although I do see one called My Shoes Have a Tongue and So Do I.
Tom of Oz asks if I have any information to impart on the writings of Kander and Ebb and are they writing something new that will reach Broadway, and did I like the score to Steel Pier. I liked some of the score to Steel Pier, especially the song Second Chance, which I’ve recorded twice, once with Michelle Nicastro and once with Brent Barrett. One would have thought given what I was reading on the internet, that The Visit would have come right to Broadway, but one suspects that the show has real problems. Finally, I don’t know if I have any information to impart, other than that I really like their work tremendously.
Bob Roberts asks do I always do everything twice? Not everything. I only ate Indian food once, and I only went on a roller coaster once.
Michael Shayne asks who would I cast in Follies, either living or dead. Well, living or dead, I’d just have all the original cast, because they were simply perfection.
Freedunit asks if Dame Edna, Guy Haines, Barry Humphries and me have ever had a get together. We have, but we were all in seperate locations. It was grand fun, though, and we all ate cheese slices and ham chunks and danced the Hora and the Louie-Louie.
Phil Crosby asks what, in my opinion, is the best recording of the worst musical? And conversely, what is the worst recording of the best musical, and I can’t count the OBC of Follies. First off, I wouldn’t count the OBC of Follies because I love it, truncated or not. So, the best recording (I presume you mean production-wise and sound-wise) of the worst musical: Of course, it depends on what your definition of “worst” is – but two albums I’m very fond of from unsuccessful shows are Wildcat and Minnie’s Boys. Worst recording of best musical – I’ll give a controversial choice here and say The Most Happy Fella – an album, by the way, that I play all the time and which I love, love, love (that is three loves). However, as grateful as I am (and I am grateful indeed) to have it complete, it just isn’t well recorded (I’m sure they had to do it in a hurry) – the band sounds shrill and frequently out-of-tune, and the show deserves a totally superb recording technically. That said, that recording wouldn’t have Robert Weede and Art Lund, therefore I’m happy with what I’ve got.
Ron Pulliam has several questions: He asks, given all the ham chunks on this here site, is this site not kosher? This site is kosher except for the fact we eat ham chunks and to add insult to injury (no mean feat) we eat our ham chunks with cheese slices (dairy). But we do dance the Hora, so we get points for that. Ron also feels we need to develop an emotion for bitch-slapping, otherwise how will anyone know if they’ve been bitch-slapped? Believe me, when Mr. Mark Bakalor bitch-slaps you will know it. He is Queen of the Bitch-Slappers and we are his mere minions. I, for one, enjoy being a mere minion. I feel being a mere minion is something to aspire to, although maybe I’m confusing being a mere minion with being a mere onion. Ron also asks who it was that Bernadette Peters replaced in Mack and Mabel? I have no idea – I did see it when it premiered here in Los Angeles and Miss Peters was in it, so she must have replaced someone at the beginning of rehearsals. I do know that Patti Lupone replaced Carol Demas (I think it was Carol Demas) in The Baker’s Wife. Continuing, Ron also asks if anyone knew that at the time of La Cage Aux Folles that that would be the last Jerry Herman musical ever. Well, he has done two since then, although not for Broadway. TV’s Mrs. Santa Claus and that Vegas thing that never happened, Miss Spectacular. Whether he’ll do another Broadway show remains to be seen – he always says he’s looking for the right project. Ron asks if any of the following have been announced for CD: Mr. Herman’s Parade – of course, it’s been announced and I do believe it’s coming soon from Decca. Kean – Kean was on a long list of Columbia titles that I put in for once upon a time. Since DRG has ended up with several titles on my list, it’ll be interesting to see what ends up where. And finally, why hasn’t Andrea McArdle done more in the way of CDs and Broadway? Hard to know. As someone already pointed out, she has done two (I think) CDs, and she was in State Fair on Broadway. I just don’t have any real insight into her or her work ethic – maybe she doesn’t want to work more than she does, or maybe there just aren’t the right vehicles for her. I think a good vehicle for her would be a brand spanking new Thunderbird.
Kerry asks why we have to have an Unseemly Button, let alone click on it? Well, this was something that Mr. Mark Bakalor decreed. He said having the entire notes on the splash page would be bad and unwieldy and people would hate us and we wouldn’t be popular and people would blow rasberries at us. He originally had something else to click on but I soon changed it to our now familiar Unseemly Button.
I feel we all need an unseemly button in our lives, don’t you?
Mattso asks how exactly does one do the pudding dance? What steps are involved? Well, of course it depends on which pudding dance one is doing. The Rice Pudding. The Chocolate Pudding. The Bread Pudding (especially fun), The Butterscotch Pudding and so forth and so on and also so on and so forth. For example, The Rice Pudding is quite simple: The left foot goes out, the left foot goes to the side, then the right foot goes back and the right foot goes to the side. Then both feet go in different directions for no reason and then they meet back from whence they came. Then the left foot steps on the right foot and then the right foot steps on the left foot. Then there is a complete turn and a hop, skip and a jump. That’s it. Shall we all get up now and try it? Mattso also asks if I’ve worked with Miss Bernadette Peters and if so, what was she like? I worked with her briefly when we recorded the cast album of Ruthless! She came in and did a bonus track and was easy to work with and delightful.
Lolita asks what I think of Madeline Kahn and did I ever meet or have dealings with her. I once saw her in a market on Lexington Avenue, but that’s it. I thought she was terrifically talented and wonderful in Blazing Saddles, Young Frankenstein and What’s Up, Doc? Lolita also asks what kind of shoes I wear? I wear sneakers, right now Nike Airliners. And yes, Virginia, they have a tongue. Finally, Lolita asks how many musicals I’ve written and what were they called? Well, if you count unproduced as well as produced, they are: Atticus (based on To Kill a Mockingbird), Shut Up, He Explained (a Ring Lardner revue with songs by moi), Start at the Top, Feast, A Comedy of Errors (based on the Shakespeare play), Stages, Together Again, The First Nudie Musical and Pals. And, of course, the one I am currently working on, which shall remain nameless for the time being.
JMK asks if I’ve heard Mr. Jason Robert Brown’s The Last Five Years. I haven’t, but I’m looking forward to it.
Whew. Sorry this is going up so late, but it takes a long time to answer everything. Today’s topic of discussion: Not to sound like a broken record, but what are your favorite horror films. I’ll start: Horror of Dracula, Horrors of the Black Museum (bad, but fun), Psycho, Carrie, The Shining, Dead of Night, Eyes Without a Face, Alien (sci-fi and horror both), The Bride of Frankenstein, Peeping Tom (I think I’d catagorize it as horror), Homicidal, Mario Bava’s Black Sunday and Kill, Baby, Kill, and many many more. Your turn.