Well, dear readers, the majority has spoken once again and we shall keep our handy-dandy Unseemly Trivia Contest. Did you know that on Monday our traffic here at haineshisway.com doubled? Yes, you heard it here, dear readers, on Monday our traffic doubled. Isn’t that exciting? Isn’t that just too too? Soon we will be the most popular site on all the internet and people will throw us bouquets and we shall say, “Don’t throw bouquets at me”, and it will be hip to come here and it will be not only hip to come here, it will be knee to come here, too. Because to come here is to be cool, man, because this site is cool, man, real cool. So, keep telling your friends and neighbors and also your neighbors and friends – the more the merrier say I. Soon Hainsies/Kimlets will take over the world. And the world will know us by our cheese slices and ham chunks and shrimp bits on toast, and our ability to dance the Hora whilst under the influence of Diet Coke. I predict great things for us, dear readers. What am I, Criswell all of a sudden?
Wasn’t list day fun yesterday? We had all manner of lists. We had this list and that list, in fact the only list we didn’t have was Franz Liszt.
A very exciting DVD came out yesterday – Mr. Rod Serling’s Requiem for a Heavyweight. This DVD is the film version as opposed to the Playhouse 90 television version. I watched a little bit of it and it looks and sounds great – I really like Requiem for a Heavyweight, especially this film version, directed by Ralph Nelson and starring Anthony Quinn as Mountain Rivera, Jackie Gleason, Mickey Rooney, Julie Harris, and the intensely weird Madame Spivy. Madame Spive was quite a popular character actor back then – her best role is in an Alfred Hitchcock Presents called Specialty of the House, which is one of the most delectable half-hours ever done on television. Anyway, I recommend Requiem for a Heavyweight, the movie. It’s also got a powerhouse musical score by the brilliant Laurence Rosenthal (he of Sherry!). In fact, Mr. Rosenthal wrote three of the best film scores I’ve ever heard and he wrote them back to back: A Raisin In The Sun, The Miracle Worker and Requiem for a Heavyweight.
Also out is a film called The Man Who Haunted Himself. When I looked at the DVD package and read the plot, I thought it sounded very familiar. As soon as I put the DVD on and looked at the credits, I knew exactly what it was: this film is adapted from a short story that was also done as an Alfred Hitchcock Presents half-hour (directed by Mr. Hitchcock himself) called The Case of Mr. Pelham. I haven’t watched it yet, but intend to very soon. It stars the pre-James Bond Roger Moore and was the final film directed by the good director, Mr. Basil Dearden.
What am I, the DVD Newsletter all of a sudden? Oh, I have some very good news, dear readers. The pain in my back has vanished – it disappeared instantaneously about an hour after I wrote yesterday’s notes. Isn’t that weird? First there’s unbearable pain, and then a moment later it is totally gone. Oh, well, as Mr. Alan Jay Lerner once said, “The pain in Spain stays mainly on the plane”. Or was it Herve Villechaize who said that?
What in tarnation is going on here? While we are reveling in the thought of our heavy traffic, while we are discussing DVD ephemera, while we are invoking the name of Herve Villechaize, shouldn’t we be clicking on the Unseemly Button below? We should and we shall, not necessarily in that order.
Have I mentioned that our traffic doubled on Monday? If one has to be in heavy traffic, this is the place to be, by golly and by gum. Even some of our lurkers out there in the dark delurked and posted.
Shortly, I must be on my way to a pitch meeting where Mr. David Wechter and I shall be pitching in a meeting. We will be pitching three count them three of our handy-dandy fancy shmancy story ideas to a big Hollywood producer. If the big Hollywood producer ends up buying any of them, I will treat you all to a fine meal of cheese slices and ham chunks, a veal chop and a sparkling vegetable such as peas. So, keep your fingers crossed. Do know that I absolutely hate pitch meetings and that I shall be miserable whilst sitting there like so much fish.
After our pitch meeting, I will be coming home to finally put the stamp of approval on the book galley. I made a last minute change to the spacing between lines (there was a bit too much space and I found it unseemly) and that, of course, changed some other things, which then had to be fixed. I’ll see those fixes (there weren’t many) and if they are fine, I swear that will be it. I will sign off, I will walk away, I will be done. We’re still anticipating that the book will be available on the 1st Books website mid to late June. We are still trying to arrange so that signed copies may be purchased here, for the same price as 1st Books. That is, if anyone wants a fershluganah signed copy of the thing. Mr. Mark Bakalor also assures me that by the time the book and DVD are ready, we will have some brand spanking new products for sale here, including Nudie Musical t-shirts, shorts and hats, and also Benjamin Kritzer t-shirts and shorts and hats.
Tonight I will be going to a lecture on the popular American song, given by my popular American pal Jim Jimirro. He’s been doing these lectures (at the Beverly Hills Public Library, I think) for over a year and has built up quite a following, and he’s been trying to get me to come down and hear one of the lectures, so by gum and by golly I am finally going. I will let you know how it was.
Do you know what I found out? Well, I’ll tell you what I found out because why should I keep such things as what I found out from you? There is someone on eBay selling the DVD of The First Nudie Musical. Yes, Virginia, you heard that right. There is someone selling a DVD that doesn’t exist quite yet. Of course, when you go in and look at the item description, you find out that he is in fact taking preorders, just like amazon. Only his opening bid is over $22 (plus four dollars shipping). Amazon has it for under $19. I also found his description of the DVD as a “rarity” a bit disingenuous, and I wrote and told him so. It can’t exactly be a rarity when it will be available in every DVD store in the United States. In any case, it’s a Dutch auction, which means up to twelve people can win the DVD, as long as they are Dutch. He already had one bid at that steep price. You’d think people would nose around and check prices, but that’s eBay for you.
Well, dear readers, do you remember what today is? Today is Ask BK Day, the day where you get to ask me anything your collective heart desires. Any question at all. And I shall answer in uncompromising fashion (calypso pants, with a flowing orange shirt, and white pumps). I will keep nothing from you, dear readers. I will withhold nothing. So, put on your thinking caps and come up with some of your usual excellent questions.
Well, I must be off, I must greet the day, I must do the things I do and prepare to pitch. I do hope I don’t have heavy traffic on the way to Culver City, California – I hope all the heavy traffic is right here at haineshisway.com posting their questions.