Well, dear readers, it is Tuesday. Now there is a sentence. Factual, to the point and filled with information. I feel that Tuesday is rapidly becoming the day in which I have nothing whatsoever to write about. Tuesday is the day when these here notes go all over the map. For example, today these here notes will be going to the south of France and the north of Greece and perhaps even to Krakatoa, East of Java (or is it west of Java) – maybe we should all just crack our toes whilst drinking java. Mr. Mark Bakalor and I once tried to do a live chat but I could not do it because I was not Java-enabled. However, I am now east and west Java-enabled so why don’t we all do a live chat some fine evening. Isn’t that a wonderful idea? Isn’t that just too too? I believe I shall have to speak to the Grand Poobah and see if it’s possible. I love being Java-enabled and I love that these here notes are going all over the map. I once was in a chat room and I got into an interesting conversation with a young lady and a young man. The young lady invited both of us men to a private chat room called The Spa. Just the three of us all alone in a private chat room. I must tell you it got a little steamy in the spa. The young lady and the young man started typing the most randy and erotic things. Never one to not join in, I immediately typed the lyrics to The Miller’s Son. This seemed to put a damper on things for some reason. This seemed to make the steamy conversation turn flaccid. They asked me to leave The Spa, so they could get on with their randy business. They thought I was a coprophiliac’s least favorite party guest, a party-pooper. I argued that I felt that The Miller’s Son was one of Stephen Sondheim’s best lyrics, but they weren’t having any of it. I was crushed, dear readers, and I haven’t been back to a chat room since.
Wasn’t that a fine story? Did you know that I totally forgot to mention that we had a brand spanking new The Broadway Radio Show up and running? It’s a good one, too, featuring songs from this season’s one-person shows, including those of Bea Arthur and Elaine Stritch. So, do give a listen. Also, tune in to the Laverne and Shirley Special tonight at eight o’clock, because unless something has changed, I believe I’m featured in a clip.
Did you know that April was our biggest month here at haineshisway.com? We had more traffic in April than any other month heretofore. Our previous biggest month had been December, but April topped it. Isn’t that exciting? Isn’t that just too too? Now, we must continue our upward trajectory – tell your friends, tell your neighbors, tell the man in the street, tell the man of La Mancha, tell everyone to come here and have fun. But only if they are fun people. We don’t want any deadbeats or cretins like they have on other sites where posting is allowed. We don’t want any unseemly types around here. We want people who know how to appreciate a cheese slice and a ham chunk, people who can dance the Hora and who aren’t afraid to wear colored tights and pantaloons and pointy party hats. We don’t want any uncouth interlopers around here, let me tell you that. Why if we catch any uncouth interlopers around here there will be hell to pay, and hell is expensive, hell does not come cheaply. Hell charges top dollar, but we will pay hell if any uncouth interlopers show their ugly mugs around these parts. What the hell am I talking about? Do I have to pay hell a royalty if I keep mentioning it?
Has anyone noticed that Tuesday is the day in which I have nothing whatsoever to say? Has anyone noticed that Tuesday is the day these notes are all over the map? Well, perhaps we’d better all click on that Unseemly Button below, because if we don’t there surely will be hell to pay and I, for one or two, have grown weary of paying hell. The hell with hell. Quick, the click.
If only those two randy people hadn’t ousted me from The Spa – I feel I could have contributed greatly. I could have told the story of The Randy Vicar and the Carpet Cleaner. Oh, well, their loss. Not that I’m dwelling on it. Why should I dwell on “it” when “it” has never dwelled on me?
I’m really finding it difficult to think of things to write about. That must mean it’s Tuesday, and if it’s Tuesday it must be Belgium, because Tuesday is all over the map day. What other daily blog or log would have already taken you to the south of France, to the north of Grease, the Musical, and to Krakatoa, East and West of Java-enabled? No other daily blog or log, that’s what other daily blog or log. I feel we have carved out a unique niche for ourselves here at haineshisway.com. I don’t know what that niche is exactly, but we’ve carved it nonetheless. Did you know that you get three words for the price of one in “nonetheless”? “Nonetheless” is a total bargain, word-wise. I feel as if I’m grasping at straws, dear readers. Have you ever grasped at straws? It is a lot of fun and I feel we should all try it right this very minute. Okay, everyone, go get a bunch of straws. I’ll wait.
Okay, everyone, do you have your straws? Excellent. Except little Lolita – I see little Lolita doesn’t have her straws and is trying to pull the wool over our collective eyes. Now, go get your straws, little Lolita, and stop trying to pull the wool (or even the silk or nylon) over our collective eyes or even our collective “I”s.
Okay then, now that we all have our straws, let’s grasp at them on the count of three: One, two, three. Wasn’t that fun? Wasn’t that cool, man? That was like having a rocket in our pocket, totally coolly cool boy. I mean, we had a group grasp there, didn’t we? We are just so cool here at haineshisway.com. We always go, man, go, but not like a yo-yo, school boy – we play it cool, boy, real cool. Did you ever hear Meltz and Ernest’s great 50s rock and roll song, The Duke of Cool? It’s totally cool, it’s beyond cool, it’s cooliscious. Here it is.
THE DUKE OF COOL Music by Hinky Meltz Lyrics by Ernest Ernest
I’m the Duke of Cool
You’re the Queen of Hip.
The two of us together,
Baby we’re a trip.
The other kids we know
Man, they’re strictly square
If there’s something happ’ning
They are never there
Yeah, they’re the Kings of Bore
Yeah, they’re the Earls of Yawn
They really make me snore
I wish that they’d get gone
Baby, we’re so cool,
Coolest in our school
‘Cause you’re the Queen of Hip
And I’m the Duke of Cool.
The Duke, Duke of Cool
Yeah, you’re the Queen of Hip
And I’m the Duke of Cool
(repeat and fade)
Isn’t that a classic? It did have a recording – a quite rare 45rpm record by Lou Fez and the Hats. I have it, and I wouldn’t trade it for anything.
Speaking of hats, don’t forget to put on your thinking caps, because tomorrow is Ask BK Day. I’m even going to put on my thinking cap (it’s quite nice – a Carnaby Street cap) and think of questions to ask myself. Now, I want you all to come up with really good questions, and I stand at the ready to answer them in a forthright and fifthleft way. I shall hold nothing back nor shall I hold nothing forth.
We had two High Winners (and only four players total) in our handy-dandy Unseemly Trivia Contest. Here was the question:
One hit musical had a cast that spawned a major television star, a successful television writer/producer, and a major Broadway and television choreographer. Name the musical, the major television star, the successful television writer/producer, and the major Broadway and television choreographer.
Tie breaker: One year earlier there was another hit musical that opened and had a cast that spawned a major television star and a successful television writer/producer. Name the musical, the television star and the television writer/producer. Clue: The two musicals definitely have one thing in common.
Steve Gurey and Mark Rothman both got the answer to both questions correct. I really did try to make this an easier question and there were even answers where you could have put mulitple people. Here are said answers:
The musical: Bells Are Ringing. The major television star: Jean Stapleton (I would have accepted Hal Linden, too). The successful television writer/producer: Bernie West (Dr. Kitchell – who went on to do Three’s Company). The major Broadway and television choreographer: Peter Gennaro.
Tie breaker – The musical: Damn Yankees! The major television star: Jean Stapleton (I would have accepted Ray Walston, too). The successful television writer/producer: Jimmy Komack (Chico and the Man, etc.). Thing in common: Jean Stapleton.
I put our two High Winners names into one electronic hat and the electronic hat chose Mr. Mark Rothman, who will receive another sparkling prize.
Well, dear readers, these notes certainly have been all over the map and I hope you’ve enjoyed the geography of it all. But it is time for me to take the day, to do the things I do, because if I don’t there might just be hell to pay. Today’s topic of discussion: Who is your favorite comedian or comedienne, the one who makes you laugh no matter what? I’ll start: Jack Benny. End of story, comedian-wise. In my opinion, simply the funniest man who ever lived. I cannot even look at him without laughing out loud. His timing, his character, his looks – there has never been anyone like him and there never will be. It wasn’t about “jokes” with Mr. Benny, it was about his character and his reactions to things around him. And what great second bananas he had – Don Wilson, Rochester and Dennis Day. Brilliant. As to my favorite comedienne – well, Lucy of course, but also Eve Arden, who I thought quite witty and droll. Of a strictly joke-oriented comedienne, I find Rita Rudner amusing. Of a joke-oriented comedian, I like Mal Z. Lawrence and Jackie Mason. Your turn.