Well, dear readers, I slept in and am now getting to these here notes a little later than usual. Why do they call it “sleeping in”? And who are “they”? “They” always come up with weird sayings, don’t “they”? I’m tired of “they” frankly, or even williamly, and I wish “they” would go away. I mean, after all, don’t we always sleep in? Certainly I don’t sleep out very often. And yet, when “they” say “sleep in” it connotes sleeping later. Oh, well, I’m too groggy to try to puzzle the mystery of it all right now.
Last night I went to my friends the Jones’s house for a fine and hearty meal and excellent company. We had eggplant parmesan and cute little teeny-weeny steaks. We had warm and tasty bread. Normally I would not eat such a thing called eggplant because I don’t like when they mix these things up and start putting eggs on plants. Then we start having mutant vegetables and I don’t know about you, dear readers, but I just can’t abide mutant vegetables. However, this mutant eggplant was quite good, although it was heavily drowned in parmesan and thick tomato sauce, which might have just disguised its mutantness. We also had salad with no mutant vegetables. Actually, I’m feeling quite like a mutant vegetable myself right at this particular moment, because I slept in and am groggy as all get-out. If only I’d slept out maybe I wouldn’t be so groggy as all get-out.
When I got home last night, I finally saw the designs that Mr. Mark Bakalor has been laboring over, the designs for our brand spanking new handy-dandy sections. We are going to have spiffy new sections for The First Nudie Musical and my book, Benjamin Kritzer. Isn’t that exciting? Isn’t that just too too? Mr. Mark Bakalor has done a lovely job on these designs and I think you will be very impressed and will spend hours and hours of each and every day perusing them. Barring any unforeseen circumstances, such as Mr. Mark Bakalor or myself being attacked by mutant vegetables, the new sections should be up and viewable on Monday, or tomorrow, which is another way of looking at Monday if it happens to be Sunday. We are also going to create a separate section to house our upcoming brand spanking new interviews. It will be known as the Unseemly Interview Section and it will be spiffy. There will also be many new and sparkling products for sale in our sparkling and unseemly product gallery. We will have Nudie Musical hats and t-shirts and even wall clocks. And, we will also have Nudie Musical boxer shorts. I, for one, will be purchasing a Nudie Musical wall clock because one simply must have such a thing on one’s wall. Or, perhaps I’ll put the wall clock on the counter, just to be contrary. We will also have Benjamin Kritzer t-shirts, golf shirts, wall clocks, mugs, hats, and various and sundried other amusing items. They will all be coming soon here at haineshisway.com, most certainly they will be available for ordering within the next three weeks. I’ve already booked our first interviewees and I think you will enjoy their interviews very much indeed. Yes, we are intent on making haineshisway.com the place to be for those who are part of the in crowd, for those who are with it, for those who know what’s what, for those who dig cool, man. We don’t want any mutant vegetables around these parts – no, the mutant vegetables (and they know who they are) can go elsewhere, can frequent other sites, can be ordinary and live their humdrum mundane lives without such accoutrements as Guy Haines Boxer Shorts, or Nudie Musical Wall Clocks, or Benjamin Kritzer Golf Shirts. What the hell am I talking about? Am I beginning to sound like some mutant vegetable gone horribly awry?
Well, speaking of mutant vegetables (and I was), isn’t it time for us all to click on the Unseemly Button below, before we all become mutant vegetables?
I have an unpleasant task to attend to tomorrow, which is going to take most of my day. I am quite certain that this unpleasant task will put me in a foul mood, or perhaps it will merely put me in a fowl mood, in which case I shall have a turkey sandwich and be done with it. I hate unpleasant tasks, don’t you, dear readers? Especially ones that are a waste of time and energy. However, I will have my handy-dandy laptop computer with me, and so I will do hourly posts to tell you all about how unpleasant I feel. Perhaps it won’t be unpleasant at all, in which case I shall be pleasantly surprised.
I attended the rare book show yesterday, and I must say the turnout was extremely disappointing. Several dealers who I know very well were complaining and even worse, not selling any books. But I had a good time looking around and fondling several extremely rare books.
Dear reader Lolita wrote to tell me that she’d seen and enjoyed The Crucible, and that brought back several memories. For example, did you know that I played the role of Judge Hathorne when I was but a wee sprig of a twig of a lad of a youth? Yes, Virginia, I played Judge Hathorne in our high school drama production of The Crucible. I have no doubt I was quite riveting in my judicialness. Furthermore (which is really just a fancy shmancy way of saying more more), did you know I played the role of Reverend Paris when I attented Los Angeles City College? I did, I played the role of Reverend Paris, and would you like to know who played Abigail? Well, I’ll tell you who played Abigail because why should I keep such trenchant information from you? Cindy Williams played Abigail, that’s who played Abigail, and she was quite excellent. I’m quite certain that I was quite riveting in the role of Reverend Paris, especially when I exclaimed, “I denounce these proceedings, I quit this court!” More more, the other memory that came back to me was also when I was in high school – I happened to be at Phil Harris Record Shop on Hollywood Boulevard one fine day, and was perusing all the wonderful records there, when I came upon a box set of LPs called The Crucible. Since I was, at that time, doing the play, I thought I would purchase said box set of LPs, which I thought was a recording of the play. I did, in fact, purchase it and when I got home I put it on my handy-dandy record player. Imagine my surprise when music issued forth. I looked at the box again and realized that what I had purchased was, in fact, an opera of The Crucible. Now, I had never heard an opera before, except for excerpts on television shows like Ed Sullivan and The Bell Telephone Hour – and I hadn’t liked that kind of hoity-toity singing. But, I listened to all two plus hours of the opera, The Crucible and do you know what? It was a life-changer. The music was so glorious, so American, so beautiful, and captured the play so wonderfully that I became hooked on it, and most especially became hooked on the composer, Mr. Robert Ward. Later, when I began my first label, Bay Cities, the first things we issued were reissues of classical music by Mr. Robert Ward. His brilliant piano concerto, his great symphonies, five discs in all. And, best of all, I got to meet, converse and know Mr. Robert Ward, who was a splendid gentleman. More more, when I began corresponding with Mr. Stephen Sondheim, I sent him the Robert Ward discs, and it turned out that Mr. Stephen Sondheim was a huge fan. That tickled Mr. Robert Ward pink. The Crucible and Mr. Ward’s Piano Concerto are still available (on other labels now), and if you want a treat, order them posthaste.
Well, dear readers, I am getting a late start to my day, because of having slept in like some horrid mutant vegetable. And so, I must get dressed and go do the things I do. In the meantime, today is free-for-all day, so the topic of discussions can be of your own choosing. I shall, of course, chime in from time to time. Post away.