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June 14, 2002:

BALLS IN THE AIR

Bruce Kimmel Photograph bk's notes

Well, dear readers, I must write these notes in a hurry, in a flash, in a wink of a blink of an eye, because I have an incredibly busy day today. And yet, I don’t have a clue as to what I should write about. Perhaps I should write about nothing whatsoever, but isn’t that what I do everyday? Here, I have an incredibly busy day today and yet I am sitting here scratching my head like so much fish, knowing I must hurry and yet not typing. I have many balls in the air right now, dear readers, in fact I am laden with balls in the air. That is very exhilarating because if even one of these balls were to land successfully it would be a very good thing indeed. If more than one were to land successfully, then we would all have to dance the Hora or, at the very least, the Mashed Potato. So, let us all keep our collective fingers crossed and hope for some successful ball landing. I know I’m being enigmatic, but I don’t really like to discuss balls whilst said balls are in the air. So, balls, for example, will not be the topic of discussion today.

Luckily, today is Friday, which means it’s a short notes day, because yesterday’s notes were like War and Peace, they were endless and long but still a classic of Russian literature. Today’s notes will be a classic of rushin’ literature.

The weather here in Los Angeles, California, has been frightfully beautiful. Can something be frightfully beautiful? The days have been sunny and hot and the nights have been cool and dark. Has anyone noticed that I am writing about the fershluganah weather, for heaven’s sake? That is what these notes have come to, a weather report. What’s next? Sports?

Our very own Mr. Donald Feltham won some kind of contest, some Tony guessing contest. Isn’t that exciting? Isn’t that too too?

Has anyone noticed that these here notes are herky-jerky and also jerky-herky? They seem to be written in fits and starts, in spasmodic spurts, in bits and pieces. This is what happens when you are a rushin’ notes writer. Oh, by the way (BTW in Internet lingo) in reading through yesterday’s notes I noticed many typos – they were so long and endless that I never had a chance to go through them and fix. I will however. I will fix those disgusting typos and it will be as if they were never there. The typos will simply disappear and it will all be very Orwellian and won’t that be swellian.

Well, I feel we should all click on that Unseemly Button below, so I can finish these here rushin’ notes.

Has anyone noticed that when they bring up haineshisway.com that my photo is out-of-focus? Or is that just happening on my computer? When you click on the Unseemly Button and then scroll up, only then is it in focus. But when I first log onto the site it is totally blurry and amorphous. I told Mr. Mark Bakalor about it and he insists that it is in focus. This, I believe, is known as the Gaslight treatment, because if that’s “in focus” I shall have to get very strong glasses. Is anyone else having this problem?
I am not going to have time to come up with a trivia question for our handy-dandy Unseemly Trivia Contest tomorrow, so I need a guest question quickly, from one of you dear readers. Send me several and I shall choose, and the chosen one shall receive a sparkling prize.

I promise that tomorrow’s notes will not be herky-jerky, will not be written in fits and starts – tomorrow’s notes will be languid and fluid and smooth and sleek and buff and toned with abs and buns of steel. Tomorrow’s notes shall be amusing and pithy and we shall all laugh and laugh and do Onna White’s choreography to Got a Lot of Livin’ To Do, from the film of Bye Bye Birdie, whilst wearing our pink peddle pushers and frilly blouses. Oh, what fun we shall have tomorrow when I am not doing the rushin’ version of these here notes. We will take our time and relax and be languorously lazy, lying on our hammocks, taking our time, moseying along through the nooks and crannies of these here notes. Won’t that be fun? Won’t that just be too too?

Well, I must be off, I must take the day, I must watch the various balls that are in the air because unwatched balls are a dangerous thing. I know there were some late questions posted yesterday, or some questions I inadvertently didn’t answer, so hold those and resubmit them for next week. Today’s topic of discussion: Yesterday, someone asked me where I would like to travel – if you could choose one place to go that you haven’t been before, where would it be and why? For me it would be first and foremost England, because I am a true Anglophile and Brit lover. Your turn.

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