Well, dear readers, I’m late, I’m late, for a very important date, and that date is with our very own Mr. Donald Feltham, for today I am taping our special Nudie Musical radio show. Therefore rather than a slow dance, notes-wise, today I must do the Hustle, I must do the Black Bottom, I must do the Lindy Hop, the Charleston, in other words, I must get the lead out (no mean feat).
The AOL freeze of yesterday was, according to AOL, a nationwide problem. Do you know what I find astonishing? Well, I’ll tell you what I find astonishing because why should I keep such a thing to myself when I could share it with you dear readers and you lurkers out there in the dark? What I find astonishing is that AOL can suffer a nationwide problem that lasts for over two hours and then, when they’re up and running again, not address it or apologize for any inconvenience to their paying users. A simple thing on their homepage (which changes almost by the minute anyway, so someone is there programming), would do wonders, wouldn’t it? I can assure them of one thing: Eventually, this kind of cocky behavior will be their downfull. Downfull? Why did I just type downfull when I clearly meant to type downfall? In any case, cockiness begets downfulls or downfalls and I find the best policy is never to be cocky, to just go about one’s business and always, if one is in business, let the paying users know what is going on.
Of course, even though it turned out to be a nationwide problem, I, of course, assumed it was my new computer. Luckily, before smashing it to smithereens I did some other tasks and, of course, everything else was working fine and dandy and also dandy and fine. Fine and Dandy were also, of course, a wonderful but little known vaudeville team. I have one of their routines on an old 78. Here’s a sample:
Dandy: Hello, you’re looking fine today.
Fine: Of course I look fine. I am fine. When you’re fine you look fine.
Dandy: I’m fine, too, thanks for asking.
Fine: You’re fine, too? That’s a coincidence. Are we related?
Dandy: Where do you come up with these things? I say I’m fine, and you say are we related.
Fine: Well, if you’re fine and I’m fine we might be related. And why do you have a fried egg on your head?
Dandy: I’ll get to that later. Listen, shmo, why, if we’re both fine, does that make us related? Your logic defies me.
Fine: Well, my logic doesn’t like you. All right, we’re not related. How could I be related to someone like you? There, are you happy? Do you feel dandy now?
Dandy: How else should I feel? I’m Dandy, of course I feel dandy.
Fine: Good. I feel dandy, too.
Dandy: You do and I’ll knock you on the ground.
Fine: What are you getting so crazy for? Just because I feel dandy?
Dandy: You do and I’ll knock you on the ground.
Fine: Shut up already. And why do you have that fried egg on your head?
Dandy: I’ll get to that later. Anyway, let’s not make a federal case out of it. I’m glad you are fine.
Fine: I feel dandy.
Dandy: You do and I’ll knock you on the ground.
Fine: What are you, a broken record? Why does my feeling dandy bother you so much?
Dandy: Well, I hardly know you.
Fine: So, I can’t feel dandy because you hardly know me?
Dandy: Exactly.
Fine: Okay, okay, I won’t feel dandy.
Dandy: Fine.
Fine: What?
Dandy: What?
Fine: You said Fine. I said what?
Dandy: I said fine. Why would you say what? Didn’t you hear me?
Fine: I heard you. You said Fine. When people say Fine I say what? And why do you have that fried egg on your head?
Dandy: I’ll get to that later. Well, remind me not to say hello to you next time I see you.
Fine: Dandy.
Dandy: What?
Fine: Dandy.
Dandy: What?
Fine: Are you deaf?
Dandy: No, I’m Dandy.
Fine: I’m dandy, too. We’re both dandy.
Dandy: We’re both dandy? That would be a fine kettle of fish.
Fine: No, the Fine kettle of fish is at my house. We’re having scrod.
Dandy: I don’t even know what you’re talking about anymore. I’ve got to go. It was nice seeing you again and I hope it’s the last time. Wouldn’t that be fine?
Fine: That would be dandy. And why do you have that fried egg on your head?
Dandy: Well, if you must know, I had a different egg on my head but somebody poached it.
Fine: Oh, that’s just dandy.
Dandy: That’s just fine.
BLACKOUT
Isn’t that a great routine? Well, now, we’d better click on the Unseemly Button below because I must dress and wend my way to Donald Feltham’s boudoir.
In case you didn’t see my post yesterday, Benjamin Kritzer has arrived. I’m going to ship them out next Tuesday, hopefully, which is when I should have the finished surprise CD that you smart people who bought on this site, will be getting as a gift. Between the DVD and the book, there are boxes everywhere. Isn’t that exciting? Isn’t that just too too?
Well, today is our Unseemly Trivia Contest, so let’s get right to the question:
Some years ago there was a dancer who danced in one of the most exciting dance numbers ever done in a Broadway musical. Directly after that show, said dancer took part in a ground-breaking show, a show which would go on to be very successful and have a long run – a show which, for various reasons, was totally unique. The cast of that show also included someone who would go on to star in a hugely successful television series.
Name the dancer, the ground-breaking show, and the actor who went on to star in a hugely successful television series.
Remember: DO NOT POST YOUR ANSWERS TO THE SITE. Send them to me via e-mail at bruce@haineshisway.com or by using the unseemly Ask BK button located on the home page. Good luck to one and all and also all and one.
Well, I must be on my merry way to take the day. I shall, of course, be back tomorrow, and I’ll be checking in later this very day to see all your various and sundried postings. Today’s topic of discussion: I have always been very partial to board games – both as child and as adult. What are your favorite board games (if you become bored of board games, feel free to talk about other things – but if you love board games as I do, let us have a lively and piquant discussion of same)? I’ll start: Although, over the years I may have strayed, my two favorites have always been and will always be Scrabble (I am a killer Scrabble player and once achieved one of the great Scrabble single word scores of all-time) and Monopoly. I’ll come back on and tell my single word Scrabble story later. For now – your turn.