Well, dear readers, I have survived another Tony Awards broadcast, but only barely. If you enjoyed the show, you might want to just skip right on down to the Unseemly Button below.
I really don’t know where to begin. Do I begin by saying that to only give acting and best play and musical awards during the network broadcast is insulting and insane? That would be like only giving the acting and Best Picture awards at the Oscars. It is shameful – I would rather have the entire broadcast on PBS, or no broadcast at all, rather than the travesty that I witnessed this evening. As I said yesterday, the problem begins with Radio City Music Hall, just about as wrong a venue as you could ask for. It’s a barn, and they fill up the barn by selling tickets to rabid fans of each nominated actor and musical. Every time the name Urinetown was spoken you could hear the screaming issue forth. Every time Thoroughly Modern Millie was mentioned, another group of crazed fans screamed. About the tenth time that this happened, I screamed.
The coverage on the musical numbers was nothing short of grotesque. The sound was nothing short of grotesque. The “tribute” to Richard Rodgers was nothing short of grotesque and if they were going to do it, how did they have the nerve and/or stupidity to open the show with it? The New York Medley – please. If they’d cut that, Elaine Stritch might have gotten to finish her speech (although she seemed not to be able to focus and get on with it – I know she was angry as hell and not going to take it anymore, but when you begin to fumfer like that and turn away from the mic and not know who to look at, well, it does put the producers of the program in a bind – however, they should have let her continue a bit longer; the way in which they handled it was an embarrassment to all). If they’d cut the New York Medley we might have had the pleasure, and I do mean pleasure, of seeing Miss Julie Harris accept her lifetime achievement award. How dare they not show that? This woman is only one of the greatest treasures the theater has ever produced. What do they think this show is about? Promos for their lame television lineup? Excruciating commercials for broadway.com? And the sheer volume of commercial interruption was mind-boggling. Furthermore, I’m sorry but thirty seconds is not enough time to give an acceptance speech. If CBS wants to broadcast the Tonys then they should have the courage of their convictions and do it the way they used to – the full show, or at the very least, all the major writing, score, direction and choreography awards. Of course, when the show gets its usual low ratings they will simply say that the majority of Americans aren’t interested. If that’s the case, then what do they really lose showing an hour more of the show? It only happens once a year – they can just look at it as a worthwhile charity. But to do what they do is nothing short of grotesque.
I love Bernadette Peters and Gregory Hines as much as the next person, but hosts they are not. I was thrilled that the Albee play won, even though I haven’t seen it. Mr. Albee is a national treasure. The numbers from the musicals were a mixed bag. The Sweet Smell number was strange but at least looked interesting and theatrical. I wish they’d chosen something else from Millie – the end of the number was fine, but the leadup was endless and static and didn’t translate well. I’m sure Urinetown is brilliant on stage, but it wasn’t here (despite the screaming of the fans). I actually liked The Farmer and the Cowman number – I thought it had nice energy and I always like seeing Andrea Martin. Into the Woods was the worst of the lot – trying to encapsulate an entire show into two minutes is never a good idea. I missed having scenes from the plays – they all looked really good and it would have been fun to have a couple of minutes from each the way they used to.
I have to say I was taken aback by Chita Rivera. No one loves Chita Rivera more than I, but what has this woman had done to herself? She doesn’t even resemble Chita Rivera anymore. Best dressed and prettiest award, as usual, goes to Mary Louise Parker. And despite the horribleness of the Rodgers opening, it was fun to see John Raitt out there, strutting his stuff.
Well, for the last three years I have said the same thing: Let me have a shot at this show. Or, at the very least, let someone who loves theater have a shot at this show. Right now, in trying to dumb the thing down for the masses, well, it’s just a big bland nothing. I did love seeing Judy Kaye, though and would almost endure Mamma Mia again to see her and Karen Mason.
I guess maybe I’m being unduly harsh, but I’ve seen Tony broadcasts that worked and they were magical and wonderful, so it’s not as if it can’t be done.
Well, there, I’ve said it and I’m glad. I’ve gotten it off my chest. What “it” was doing on my chest I’ll never know, but it doesn’t matter anymore because I got “it” off my chest and now my chest is carefree and fancy free and free of “it”. Well, I feel that all that’s left to do is to click on the Unseemly Button below because I have now exhausted myself writing about the Tony Awards, which, by the way (BTW, in Internet lingo), was nothing short of grotesque. Click away, my pretties.
If you weren’t with us yesterday, do use the Unseemly Archive Button and check out both notes and posts – some very interesting things said, some of the things that were said, in fact, were nothing short of grotesque. Not only that, they were nothing long of grotesque either.
I have some very exciting news – we are going to be doing a signing here in Los Angeles, for the Nudie Musical DVD. It will be June 28th at Laserblazer on Pico Blvd. I’ll have more details soon, but we’re trying to assemble as many of the cast to be there as possible. It will be very festive indeed, and I, of course, will be wearing a pointy party hat and colored tights and pantaloons. Refreshments will include cheese slices and ham chunks. Then, the following day, I will be doing the Ray Courts Hollywood Memorabilia show, with our very own Susan Gordon. We shall be sitting together and hawking our wares. I thought I’d also bring some used clothing so that I could also hawk my wears. Susan will have pictures of her very own self which she will be signing for all her fans. I will be selling Nudie DVDs and copies of my novel, and I may also have some handy-dandy photos of my very own self, should anyone want such a thing.
Last night, pre Tonys, I had some Vanilla Custard Ice Cream at a place called Pegados in Burbank. This place is supposed to be the second coming, bringing Burbank authentic custard ice cream from Wisconsin, I think. Now, readers of my very own novel will find quite a bit written about Vanilla Custard Ice Cream, which I grew up with because they had a Frozen Custard Ice Cream stand at Ocean Park Pier, where I spent a lot of time. Well, this wasn’t the second or even third coming. Oh, it was perfectly fine, maybe on a par with Fosters Freeze, but it did not bring back the memory I have of what these tasted like when I was a kid. Or maybe I’m just lost in a haze of memory and nothing could ever come up to said memory of said frozen custard.
I am supposed to have my brand spanking new handy-dandy Dell computer today. If it arrives as it should, I will be setting it up during the afternoon and most of the evening, trying to get it to look like I like these things to look. I will have plenty of help, let me assure you of that, because I don’t know from computers, Dell or otherwise. In fact, watching me try to deal with a computer is nothing short or long of grotesque. I have to have everything laid out for me very clearly, otherwise I cannot fend for myself. “Fend”. That’s kind of a Jerry Lewis word, isn’t it? All right, let’s all put on our best Jerry Lewis voices and say “fend” on the count of three: One, two, three… Fend.
Excellent. You all did really well and you all get a haineshisway.com Gold Star.
Apparently, we had a minor glitch with our radio show yesterday (what Mr. Mark Bakalor called a server burp), but it righted itself quickly and the radio show is now up and running so do give it a listen. I should be receiving all my brand spanking new Nudie Musical and Benjamin Kritzer products in the next day or two and I shall have a full report as to their quality and workmanship.
Also, you still have until midnight tonight to get me your answers to this week’s Unseemly Trivia Contest.
What’s with these terse paragraphs? Has anyone noticed how terse these paragraphs are? When I think of a word to describe these paragraphs do you know what that word is? Terse, that’s what that word is. There is nothing worse than terse, terse, in fact, belongs in a hearse and deserves a curse. Let’s put terse in a purse and then disperse. Maybe we should rehearse putting terse in a purse or maybe we should put terse in a purse and then rehearse which, of course, would be the reverse. What the hell am I talking about?
Well, dear readers, I must away, I must take the day, I must do the things I do. I have to deliver some papers right now, and then I shall return and I shall check up on the goings on here at haineshisway.com. Today’s topic of discussion is an easy one: What did you think of last night’s Tony Awards. You may say whatever you think without fear of censorship or censure. You may dish the dirt and you may dirt the dish. Some of you posted your thoughts early this morning, so post them again on today’s notes so today’s people will see them. Yesterday’s notes are already yesterday’s mashed potatoes and today’s notes are fresh as a daisy and nothing short of grotesque.