Well, dear readers, tonight is the Tony Awards. Yes, you heard it here, dear readers, tonight is the Tony Awards and this inspires in me not one shred of excitement or interest. Why is that? Normally, I always look forward to the Tony Awards broadcast, but in the last few years said broadcast has been such a bore that I usually end up leaving the room and playing Free Cell. Unlike broadcasts of old, the last few years they’ve used Radio City Music Hall instead of a Broadway theater, and that is the first problem for me. The second problem is a result of the first problem, which is that they open the house and sell tickets – which means we get screaming cheering sections for shows and favorite performers. It’s all very un-Tony-like, in my opinion (IMO, in Internet lingo – IMO is also a sour cream substitute – do they still make that stuff?). Then there is the matter of the split broadcast, which I hate. Then there is the matter of how poorly produced the actual broadcast is. Oh, well, I’m certain I’ll be sitting in front of my handy-dandy television and watching nonetheless. But shouldn’t I be watching the Tonys? Why will I be watching nonetheless when the Tonys are on? Why is “nonetheless” even a word? Actually, it is three count them three words for the price of one, and all because one day someone was writing and forgot to put spaces between those three words. That person, Mr. Jeremiah Pipe, liked the way that looked, and he ran around his neighborhood showing everyone the new three for the price of one word that he’d created. It didn’t matter to him one or even two whits that those three words, when put together like that, made no sense whatsoever. None the less. What does that mean? That you have less of none? Still, that didn’t stop Mr. Jermiah Pipe from running around his neighborhood screaming at the top of his lungs, “Look you fools and simpletons, I created a brand new word by leaving out spaces! Who of you can say the same? I should be feted, so come out of your homes and fete me, you fools and simpletons!” Surprisingly, no one came out of their homes and no one feted him, although Mrs. Miranda Mellon did throw a brick which hit Mr. Jeremiah Pipe in the head and caused him to have a slight brain concussion. In the hospital, when he came to, the doctor asked him how he was feeling, and Mr. Pipe replied, “I am feeling a bit dizzy but nonetheless fine.” No one cared about his creation, nevertheless, he spent the rest of his days leaving spaces out of other three-word combinations, but noneofthem ever caught on.
Isn’t it interesting how a rant about the Tony Awards broadcast turned into the story of Mr. Jeremiah Pipe? You just never know where these here notes will take you.
I checked out the brand spanking new DVD Special Edition of Mr. David Lynch’s Blue Velvet. I think I actually prefer the slightly brighter transfer of the original DVD, but this Special Edition is worthwhile because of the seventy-minute documentary that’s included amongst a plethora of special features. It has interviews with Mr. Lynch (from 1987), and new interviews with cameraman Frederick Elmes, editor Duwayne Dunham, and cast members Dennis Hopper, Isabella Rossellini, Laura Dern and Kyle MacLachlan. They all have good stories to tell, some of them quite surprising, all regarding Mr. David Lynch’s rather strange and vague world. Then, I also listened to a bit of Billy Crystal’s commentary track on Mr. Saturday Night. I’d missed the film when it played in theaters, but caught it one night on cable. I thought some of it was quite funny, but I thought that other parts of it were much too cloying and self-conscious. It was obviously a labor of love for Crystal, and that comes across in spades on the commentary track, and you realize immediately why the film is 119 minutes long – he’s simply in love with every scene and every shot in the movie. Unfortunately, the best performance in the film doesn’t belong to Crystal, it belongs to the wonderful David Paymer. Everything about Paymer’s performance works, and his old-age makeup is very believable, unlike Crystal’s, which looks quite high-schoolish. I also checked out the very unfunny “gag” reel (they did the gag reel knowing that it was a gag reel – so, it’s all people attempting to be funny rather than real off-the-cuff mistakes and screwups happening), and some of the cut scenes.
What am I, Ebert and Roeper all of a sudden? Has anyone noticed how long this first section is? I know we don’t want to click on that Unseemly Button below, I know many of us are ready to mutiny, but nonetheless let us click anyway, because it makes Mr. Mark Bakalor happy and when Mr. Mark Bakalor is happy we are happy because then we get new sections and new sections are a good thing.
Have I mentioned that the Tony Awards are on tonight? I will hazard a guess right this very minute and say that there will not be one person named Tony on the show. That is simply heinous (heinous, do you hear me?). This sort of thing bothers me about all award shows – there is never a person named Grammy on the Grammy Awards, there is never a person named Academy on the Academy Awards (or even a person named Oscar – unless Oscar Homolka was up for an Oscar or was a presenter – was he?) – there is never a person named Emmy at the Emmy Awards, and there is never a person named People’s Choice at the People’s Choice Awards. Oh, what a vague world we live in, don’t we, dear readers? It is a vague world indeed, and yet we live in it like so much fish, going about our daily routines and daily business. I can no longer remember the point, dear readers. I have lost the point so I’m afraid I must move on to the next paragraph, where hopefully there I will find the point.
Yesterday, I went to a used record store and bought some used records. I have been enjoying my Percy Faith albums of show music so much, that I decided to get some other cover albums of shows that will probably never see the light and/or dark of day on CD. So, I picked up Mr. Faith’s version of Li’l Abner, Mr. Shelley Manne’s jazz version of Li’l Abner, Melachrino’s version of Bells Are Ringing, the Living Strings’ version of Carnival, the Jack Sterling Quintet version of Gypsy (which I had as a kid), Kostelanetz’s version of Flower Drum Song, the Mastersounds’ jazz version of Flower Drum Song, Orch. ’70’s version of The Happy Time and Bill Potts’ version of Bye Bye Birdie. I am in the midst of transferring them to CD, but my turntable is misbehaving in a vague fashion, so I may have to put it out to pasture and get a new one.
Don’t forget to send in your handy-dandy trivia question guesses. Even if you have only a vague idea send it anyway, for we live in a vague world and vague answers are wholly acceptable in a vague world.
Well, it is Sunday, a day for short notes. Today’s topic of discussion is, of course, a free-for-all, so post about anything your collective hearts desire.