Well, dear readers, I am happy to inform you that all sparkling prizes have now been shipped (except for last week’s winner) and you should be receiving them shortly. I sent them via media mail just because I like the sound of it. I also learned a valuable food lesson last night – I am surprised I didn’t learn this valuable food lesson earlier in life, but this particular valuable food lesson managed to escape me until I went to have something to eat at around ten last evening. I decided to make some scrambled eggs. Now, I happen to think scrambled eggs is an incredibly stupid-looking food to begin with, but I didn’t really have anything else in the house but some low-fat tortillas, so I figured I’d make a little scrambled egg in a tortilla concoction. The only problem was that I had no milk – well, I had milk but the little note on the carton suggested I not use said milk after July 14th. So, I just went on my merry way and proceeded to make the scrambled eggs without milk. I whipped those eggs into a frenzy and then dumped them in my frying pan, scrambled them right up, heated a tortilla and then put the whole thing together artfully. I then ate the thing. And therein comes the food lesson – never make scrambled eggs without milk. It was so gross-tasting I can’t even tell you. I don’t know exactly what the milk does to scrambled eggs but whatever it does it needs to do because without it the scrambled eggs are too much, and not in a good way. I was immediately nauseous after eating it and I continued to be nauseous for some hours thereafter.
Wasn’t that a fine food lesson story? I’m nauseous again, just relating it to you. Did you, in fact, notice that I related it to you? That story is now your Uncle.
Well, I’ve got lots and lots of questions to answer, so we’d all better click on that Unseemly Button below because if we don’t then all these here notes will be in one section and that would be like scrambled eggs without the milk – nauseating, and we mustn’t have nauseating scrambled notes, now must we?
Well, well, well (that is three wells), we have quite a few excellent questions to answer, so let’s get to it, shall we?
William E. Lurie asks if I am related to Cable TV host Jimmy Kimmel. No, I am not, and I frankly think he has a lot of nerve having my last name. Where do these people come from? I go years without any other Kimmels and suddenly there are Kimmels everywhere. There’s a Kimmel who writes Jewish children’s fiction, there’s some teen or young woman named Kimmel who’s just had a book published, there’s Jimmy Kimmel – I mean, who are these people and why are they jumping on my bandwagon? What show CDs have I listened to once and then never bothered with again? Well, let’s see – the Tommy Steele Some Like it Hot, Aspects of Love, Your Own Thing, Swing, Salvation, Hello, Again, Marie Christine (I find both those scores about as pleasant as a visit to the dentist), Ain’t Misbehavin’ with The Pointer Sisters, and a few others.
Ben asks if I’ve ever lived in New York, New York for any extended period of time and if so why was I living there? Was it going to be permanent at the time or did I know it would be transitory? I did live in New York, New York in 1969, for one year. Actually, I lived in Brookly, in Flatbush. I came to New York to try to be an actor, because I never thought I would get work in television or films. The only acting job I got that whole year was in stock in New Jersey, doing Stop the World – I Want To Get Off. The only thing I remember about that experience was watching the moon landing. In any case, several good things came out of living there that year – most importantly, my daughter was conceived in Flatbush (no mean feat) and the idea that jelled into The First Nudie Musical was conceived in Manhattan. Ironically, when I moved back to LA (where I wanted my daughter to be born), within six months I started working in television and never stopped for the next twelve years.
Laura asks whatever happened to the ugly china cabinet and the ugly brown furniture that is spoken of in Benjamin Kritzer? Well, assuming that part of the book isn’t fiction, shall we just say that the brown furniture was replaced by other furniture and the china cabinet remained until we moved to Beverlywood, at which point it disappeared, never to be seen again. Laura also asks what is the actual official cake here at haineshisway.com? Well, from my point of view the official cake would have to be the Parisienne Cake.
Stuart asks what I think about performing arts camps – do I think they’re professional training grounds or merely nurseries for the non-athletic. I’m sure a bit of both, depending on who’s running the show, but I do think that anything that gets kids to use their creative juices and teaches them about the arts is a good thing.
JMK asks what is a Steadicam and how does it work? A Steadicam is a clever invention – it’s basically a camera mount which attaches to a person and it gives you the mobility of a hand-held camera with the fluidity of a dolly shot. Its first use in a major motion picture was in Hal Ashby’s Bound for Glory. All of Mr. DePalma’s virtuosic opening shots from the late seventies on were all done with a Steadicam. I’ve used it several times and I do love it. You do have to have a good operator using it, otherwise it gets all floaty and nauseating. What are the economics behind Sony licensing titles to DRG and others and why doesn’t it make sense for them to release the titles themselves? It’s complicated – but big companies don’t really know how to do anything at a reasonable cost. Therefore, if Mr. Shepard or Mr. Deutsch is preparing the release, they get rather substantial salaries, plus they go back to original elements and do some remixing (I do not like this practice – actually, that is Mr. Shepard’s bailiwick and he should stop it), and the costs end up fairly high. They go through periods where they all get on the bandwagon and every time they do, the stuff sells what it sells which, for a major label, simply isn’t enough. Whereas, for a smaller independent, the sales are sometimes just fine. Sometimes Sony can make more by licensing – they license by doing a “finished goods” deal – which means they do the pressing and everything and the independent who’s licensing pays one all-in fee. The catch is that they have to commit to 5,000 albums, and they must ultimately pay for 5,000 even if they only sell 1,000 over the course of the three year license. On the recent release of Kean, JMK asks if I think Pembroke Davenport was really named Chuck Smith or Earl Jones and simply adopted the nom de theatre for tis theatricality. I do not have the CD in question, and I haven’t heard the LP since the early sixties, so I can’t answer the question. Finally, JMK asks why certain releases on the label I created also carry the Varese Sarabande imprint and did Varese put up any money for certain projects. Varese is the distributor for store sales and does (or at least didn’t) put any money into any projects.
Jason would like answers to the following: Why do fools fall in love? For the same reason that people give out their username and password. Why are there so many songs about rainbows and what’s on the other side? On the flip side is usually a different song, not about rainbows at all. I, myself, wrote a song about rainbows, when I was a wee sprig of a sprout of a twig of a tad of a teen, called I See Rainbows. Who’s that pretty girl in the mirror there? What mirror, where? Finally, why does Jennifer Holliday’s jaw do that scary wobble thing when she sings And I Am Telling you I Am Not Going? I believe that’s known as the Tony wobble – it’s solely designed to win a Tony nomination and possibly the award itself. Ms. Holliday learned it at the Johnson House for Jaw Wobbling in Mineola.
Jed wants to know what I think of Seven Brides for Seven Brothers, both stage and film? I haven’t seen the stage show, so I can’t comment, but I like the film very much indeed and the music, by Gene DePaul is terrific, especially Wonderful, Wonderful Day. I believe the stage show has additional songs by Al Kasha, and I’m not familiar with them.
Arnold M. Brockman asks what I think when a song is interpreted in a whole different way than ever before. As long as it works, I like it – as long as there is commitment to whatever the idea is, so that it isn’t a half-assed attempt at something. I’ve been known to do a bit of that sort of thing every now and then – I think it’s always fun to reinvent songs, as long as the reinvention truly works for the song, either in arrangement or interpretation. Lea de Laria’s Broadway Baby falls into that category I think.
Tom from Oz asks if I can reveal the family background of the singing bird and reveal what the singing bird’s favorite score is. Also, does the singing bird sing any pop standards. The bird is from a long line of performing birds – its parents were the famous vaudeville act The Flying Wrens. The bird’s favorite score is, as you might expect, Bye Bye Birdie. The bird most certainly does sing pop standards, and it does an especially heart-rending version of It Was a Very Good Year.
S. Woody White asks if I’ve ever seen two different actors tackle the same two different roles, where one actor impressed me in one role but not the other, and vice versa and also versa vice. I take it you mean like when Laurence Olivier and Anthony Quinn traded off in Becket. I’m not sure I’ve ever seen that done, so therefore cannot comment at this time. Oh, no, I cannot comment at this time.
Craig has his usual plethora of questions. If I was going to shoot The First Nudie Musical now who would I cast in the roles (without using anyone from the original film). Well, jeepers, I don’t know how to answer that. Ten years ago, I might have said Meg Ryan as Rosie, but she just wouldn’t be as good as Cindy, at least in my opinion. Harry could have been Tom Hanks or someone likable like that, but I can’t divorce myself from the people who did play the roles. Martin Short certainly could have played John. Of course, this is all ten years ago – I don’t know who on earth I would cast now. What are the top five movies I wish were on DVD? Oh, it changes all the time – but Sweet Charity, The Magnificent Ambersons, The White Sheik, La Dolce Vita, La Strada, The Girl Can’t Help It, The Five Pennies – oops, that’s more than five. What top five musicals do I wish were on CD? Oh, I think I’m happy with everything that’s on CD. Unless you mean never-before-recorded scores, in which case I’d say Smile, The Yearling, Lolita, My Love, La Strada and Carnival in Flanders. What are the top five things I plan on buying for myself (not including media related products? Oh, I don’t know – when I can afford it, maybe a donut, some art, a Parisienne Cake, a few first editions. Who do I consider to have had the most impact on film? An impossible question to answer – D.W. Griffith, perhaps, if one wanted to be a pedant. Any of the early pioneers. Who do I consider to have had the most impact on Broadway? Writers, directors? Again, one would have to look to Showboat’s creators, and then again to Oklahoma! and then again to Harold Prince and Stephen Sondheim. On music? Too damn hard. Do I have an embarrassing story about something I did or said in front of a celebrity? Yes, to my eternal shame I once said something very rude to Tippy Walker, who was one of the stars of The World of Henry Orient. I was a smart-ass jerk back then – I went to the premiere of the film at the Wilshire Theater, and Tippy and Merry Spaeth were there, signing autographs. I stood in line and when I got to Tippy I asked her if she’d studied with Strasberg? She just stared at me and asked who that was. I thought I was being ever so clever and in fact I was being a total cretin. I’m happy to say I have never done anything so insensitive since.
Kerry asks if my ex-wife appeared in The First Nudie Musical, other than her gloved hand during the film’s opening credits. No, she did not. What was the name of my father’s restaurant and where was it? Well, assuming that that part of Benjamin Kritzer is not fiction, my father’s restaurant was called the Kiru, and it was located exactly where the fictional restaurant in Benjamin Kritzer (called the Erro) is located – Serrano and 8th, which is near Western and Wilshire. Finally, Kerry asks if it’s okay to use the mug that he got from the label I created, as he thinks the logo is cute. Absolutely – why not? They are very nice mugs indeed, and the logo is wonderful. It’s by my pal, John Alvin, who also did the covers for Drat! The Cat! and The Night of the Hunter for me. He is a well-respected movie poster artist, and created the posters for Blazing Saddles, Phantom of the Paradise, E.T. and The Lion King. His daughter, Farah, has sung on several of my albums.
Lolita asks the following: If I had to pick one kind of story (mystery, romantic comedy, romantic tragedy, triumph over odds, etc.) to hear/see for the rest of my life, wihc would I choose. Well, romantic comedies are always nice – but I also like stories with children at their center, and I might just go with that. If I were to cast Benjamin Kritzer, the movie, with actors from any time and actors at any age, who would I pick. We’re going to make that a topic of discussion soon, so I will defer my answer until then. With what fictional character do I most indentify (besides my own). I identify with any fictional character who fights the good fight and who hates injustice.
Td asks – overrated or underrated, for the following: Moulin Rouge (o), The Royal Tenenbaums (haven’t seen it), Nicole Kidman (o), Tom Cruise (neither), James Cameron (o), Judy Kaye (u), Yolanda and the Thief (u), Can’t Stop the Music (o, o, o, o), Stanley Donen (u), E.M. Forster (u).
Several questions arrived late, so I will now hurriedly attempt to answer them.
Stephen Golden is going to meet Jane Krakowski soon and wants to know what he could say to her that might make her laugh – tell her you love the hidden track on the Paul Simon – her rap version of Fifty Ways to Leave Your Lover, that she does with Lauren Kennedy. What is Vinnie doing now? He works when he works, he’s just moved into a new house, and he, I believe, is considering his options about various and sundried things.
Jaime Weinman asks the following: When recording a cast album how do I schedule the sessions? If there’s one performer who has a lot of songs is it particularly difficult to give him/her a chance to rest his/her voice? Are there any rules about what is recorded when and is the Overture recorded first? I usually have the musical director and contractor make up a schedule, which I then look at and amend in various ways. They sometimes don’t take into account singers needing a break between their big numbers. There are so many things to take into account – you only have each performer for a total of eight hours – those eight hours can be used any way you like within one recording day, so one must be very careful indeed. But I always take into account how much a performer does in the show – we scheduled Faith Prince very carefully for Bells Are Ringing, because she sings so many songs in the show. The really hard ones are things like Little By Little, where there are only three people in the show, constantly singing everything. It would amaze you to know that the Overture used to not be the first thing that was recorded on a cast album. But I learned early on that if there was any instrumental music that had to be recorded, that I would schedule it first – because a) that meant that I could bring the singers in a bit later, and b) get the sound of the band right without worrying about the singers. I don’t know what other people do, but I believe that theory has caught on a bit. It seems pretty basic to me. I also try to bring the stars in as late in the morning as possible.
George asks if I like the song Meadowlark from The Baker’s Wife and how many recordings I’ve heard and how many I own. I do like the song very much and have recorded it twice, both top-notch versions. Liz Callaway’s is brilliant, I think and Susan Egan’s is also wonderful. I like Patti’s original version, and I know I’ve heard many others but I can’t think of any I like more than those three. I’m sure I own them all. How many times have I heard the song performed live, either in concert or stage productions of The Baker’s Wife. Well, only once in The Baker’s Wife, when I saw it here in Los Angeles with Topol and Patti. And maybe ten times in concert. Finally, who is my favorite performer of the song. If I was forced against a wall and threatened with having to eat scrambled eggs sans milk, I would say Liz Callaway.
Freedunit asks many questions, which came in very late and which I will try to breeze through now. Have I ever had an Outback Steakhouse Bloomin’ Onion? No, nor do I even know what an Outback Steakouse bloomin’ is. Why do cheese fries sound bogus? Well, for starters, they’re incredibly cheesy, don’t you think. I don’t like fries with stuff on them, other than ranch dressing or ketchup. Pure fries, that’s what I say. Where are the best domestic French Fries found? My favorites are the fries at Jerry’s Delicatessan, Islands, and the Suzy-Q fries at Dolores. Now I should rate the following in descending order of preference, in other words 10 being least desirable and 1 being most preferred. Here we go: 10. Banana Cake 9. Chocolate Rum Cake 8. Pineapple Upside down cake 7. Carrot Cake 6. White Cake 5. Browned butter cake 4. Flourless chocolate cake 3. Strawberry Shortcake 2. Yellow cake and 1. Chocolate cake. Same thing for the following: 10. Hamentaschen 9. Mandel bread 8. Shortbread (or even Longbread) 7. Rugelach 6. Biscotti 5. Toffee Squares 4. Oatmeal cookies 3. Brownies 2. Chocolate chip cookies and 1. Sugar Cookies. There is nothing like a warm and pliant sugar cookie – it used to be my favorite thing in the hash lines at junior high school. How many noses has Julie Andrews had? I was only aware of one Julie Andrews nose, but I could be wrong. Who are my favorite theatrical scenic designers and why? No time for why, but I adore Tony Walton, the current flavor of the month, Bob Crowley, and I have loved some of Robin Wagner’s settings. There are others but I must mush on. Who are my favorite film production designers? The late Richard Sylbert, who was brilliant and able to capture the essence of the script in his settings. Ebert or Siskel? I don’t love either, but in a pinch, Siskel. Siskel or Roeper? Siskel by a mile. What about The Three Stooges? I have always been a fan and I do like to adopt a Moe attitude every now and then. I also met them, but that’s another story for another day. Do I have a favorite spoonerism? Yes, a tablespoonerism is my favorite. What about sporks? What about sporks – I’ve never been a fan of sporks, although I don’t mind watching baseball every now and then.
Well, time is up, dear readers, which, I suppose, is better than time being down. I hate it when time is depressed and it’s so heartening when time is up and happy and dancing the Hora. I do hope that at least a few of my answers to your excellent questions were interesting. Now, I must take the day, I must do the things I do, and I must most assuredly never eat scrambled eggs without milk again as long as I live. Today’s topic of discussion – we’ll just take one of today’s questions and use it: What cast album CDs or LPs have you played one time only and never listened to again. I’ve given my choices, so now it’s your turn.