Well, dear readers, here we are, and it’s already Saturday. These holiday weeks go so fast they make your head spin. Frankly, my head spins but only after it rinses and washes. Last night I had some guests over to sup and watch a movie. Said guests wanted to sup on Popeye’s Chicken and always being accommodating that is what we supped on. Not only Popeye’s Chicken, but Popeye’s Biscuits, Popeye’s Catfish, Popeye’s Crawfish, Popeye’s French Fries and Popeye’s Various and Sundried Sauces. Well, I happen to like Popeye’s, but after feasting last night, I don’t need to eat Popeye’s for another three years. That is a lot of fried food, dear readers. Endless fried food. Luckily (for me) the guests took home the lion’s share of the leftovers (of which there was plenty – I bought enough fried food for twenty people, even though said guests numbered three). Yes, Virginia, the guests took home the lion’s share of the leftovers and now the fershluganah lion is in a fowl mood, having no leftovers. And a lion without leftovers is like a barefoot in the park. And a barefoot in the park knows that sometimes it’s time to come blow your horn, but when you’re lost in Yonkers and have the Biloxi blues and especially when you’re with someone you can’t stand, then not only are you lost with the blues, you’re an odd couple. Well, the only thing one can do in that situation is to take a room at the Plaza – hell, why take a room, take a Plaza suite. Or, if you’re on the other coast, take a California suite. There you can read a book – if it’s a good book you might even make it to chapter two. If you’re feeling benevolent, you can give the bum on the corner some candy – that would be sweet charity indeed. Then, your best girl keeps threatening to leave, but the goodbye girl just stays, even though she keeps making promises, promises. What the hell am I talking about?
What am I, Neil Simon all of a sudden? Don’t we have an Unseemly Trivia Contest today? And speaking of unseemly, just where in tarnation was everybody yesterday? Eating fried food? Oh, we ended up with twenty or so posts, but twenty or so posts looks so puny these days. However will July beat June if we allow such things to happen? Where was I? Oh, yes, I totally forgot – the guests and the fried food. For the film we chose Some Like it Hot, because the two youngsters in attendance had never seen it. What a funny film, and its construction is truly wonderful. I’d always remembered it as being a series of truly hilarious little scenes, but watching it last night I realized it’s made up of three or four very long set-pieces. It’s also one of the most perfectly cast movies ever made. Tony Curtis and Jack Lemmon are amazing together – both as men and as women. Marilyn Monroe is so luminous in this film she practically hurts your eyes, so brightly she shines. Joe E. Brown is hilarious (zowie), and George Raft’s line readings are unique and wonderful. Can you imagine this film being made today? Who would star? Ben Affleck and Matt Damon, with, well, with who? And it would be so crass and obvious and they’d throw in toilet jokes and rock songs and blechhh.
What am I, Ebert and Roeper all of a sudden? I think it’s time we all click on the Unseemly Button below, and remember I will never ask for your password or username.
The bird is outside doing the loveliest rendition of Twin Soliloquies from South Pacific (it, of course, is doing both parts and is a fine Emile and Nellie). Well, dear readers, I do believe it is time for our handy-dandy Unseemly Trivia Contest and I have a doozy for you today. I have a trivia question fraught with irony. Isn’t that exciting? Isn’t that just too too? And so, the question:
In the late fifties a musical appeared on Broadway. It starred a person who was already on their way to becoming a Broadway legend, and one of this musical’s creators was also on that road. But we are not interested in them. No, we are interested in a lowly chorus person. Why, you might ask, are we interested in a lowly chorus person, and I might tell you because this is a fershluganah trivia contest and this is the fershluganah question and if I withhold this information from you then we will have no fershluganah question and that would be heinous (heinous, do you hear me?). We are interested in this lowly chorus person because this lowly chorus person’s real name is the exact same name as the leading character in a very famous play. Now, that is irony. But the further irony is that the very famous play just happened to be running on Broadway at the exact same time that this lowly chorus person was appearing in the new musical. That’s right, you heard it here, dear readers, a lowly chorus person opened in a new musical at the same time that the play was running, in which the leading character had the same exact name. Is this convoluted enough for you?
Name the lowly chorus person.
Name the play in which the leading character has the lowly chorus person’s name.
Name the musical the lowly chorus person appeared in.
The important thing to remember is that it was in the late fifties. And here’s your Clue of the Week: The famous play in which the leading character bore the lowly chorus person’s real name, was turned into a film, a musical and then the musical was turned into a film.
Whew, that question was so filled with irony that I have to take a nap. Good luck to one and all and also all and one. And remember – DO NOT POST THE ANSWER ON THE SITE. Send them to me at bruce@haineshisway.com or simply use the unseemly Ask BK Button located elsewhere.
In upcoming news, our very first interview will be going up soon, and it is with the delightful, delovely, demarvelous Miss Kerry Butler, who will soon be wowing them on Broadway in Hairspray. Mr. Mark Bakalor is supposedly moved in and living in my neck of the woods, so he should be able to design the fershluganah interview section quite soon. If not, he will be bitch-slapped mercilessly and then he will be forced to eat the lion’s share of the Popeye’s Fried Foods.
Well, dear readers, I’m afraid I must be off, I must take the day, I must do the things I do. Today I will be lunching at Musso and Frank, one of my favorite LA restaurants. I shall have a full report on said meal in tomorrow’s notes. Today’s topic of discussion: If you were on a dessert island and you could only have a supply of one candy bar, what would it be? See, you were all shaking your heads and being all judgmental because you all thought I misspelled “desert”, didn’t you? But this isn’t a desert island question, it’s a dessert island question, so I guess I have the last laugh. Hahahahahahaha. Uh oh. Now there are no more laughs, because I’ve had the last laugh. Damn them, damn them all to hell. Oh, the irony. So, what candy bar would you choose? I’ll start: This is a very very hard question. And I am very very interested in your answers. For me, it would either be a Snickers (so many good things in a Snickers) or a Dark Chocolate Milky Way bar. But then I wouldn’t have any Big Hunks and that would be problematic. Your turn, my pretties.