Well, dear readers, it is finally Saturday, finally the weekend and I’m free, I am free, I am free. Now, I’ll shout it to the highest hill or the lowest dale. Of course, I still have work to do, but it’s my own work, damn them, damn them all to hell.
Before we go one step further or even one step farther, let us all put on our pointy party hats, let us put on our colored tights and pantaloons, let us get out the cheese slices and ham chunks, let us dance the Hora and the Locomotion because damn them, damn them all to hell, we’ve got a birthday to celebrate and by gum we are going to celebrate it. That’s right, you heard it here, dear readers, we’ve got a birthday to celebrate so let’s not waste any time – Dear Reader Laura, stand up and take a birthday bow. Stand up and do the Prologue to West Side Story. Stand up and shake your booty because you are the birthday girl. We will be partying all the live-long day and night, so everyone must come back over and over again so the party is festive. Oh, yes, the party must be festive otherwise the natives will become restless and we can’t have that, now can we? On the count of three, let us give a proper Hainsie/Kimlet birthday cheer to Dear Reader Laura. One, two, three: A PROPER HAINSIE/KIMLET BIRTHDAY CHEER TO DEAR READER LAURA. We all hope you have a wonderful day and evening.
Last night I dreamed I was at Manderley. In this dream, I was sitting on my couch like so much fish, and Ron Abel, a musical director I’ve worked with a few times, was washing the bottom of my feet with a wash cloth, which I thought felt quite nice. His pal, Chuck Steffan (with whom he also writes), was looking on. Ron then suggested that I go soak a piece of slightly stale bread and stand on it. He said that would feel really good. I told him I unfortunately only had really stale bread, so that was the end of that, and the end of the dream. I don’t even have a clue so don’t ask me.
Well, while our birthday celebration continues, let us all click on the Unseemly Button below so I can answer your excellent questions from Ask BK Day.
I hope you are all partying to the best of your various and sundried abilities, otherwise the natives will be restless and restless natives will not be tolerated in any way, shape or form, nor will they be tolerated in any form, shape or way or even any shape, way or form. Well, let’s get right to the excellent questions, shall we?
S. Woody White asks when entering a new work environment, what members of the staff do I find it helps to get to know very quickly, to make my job easier. Oh, I suppose the receptionist – I always get friendly with the receptionist, because they are the ones to count on to do the little silly things you always need done. Same with PAs. Otherwise, I don’t really go out of my way, although I’m always cordial to everyone.
Jay asks what I think of the casting for the film version of Chicago, especially the casting of a woman as Mary Sunshine. Well, I have no real feeling about the casting, and I’ll withhold judgment until I see it. I do know that the production company has been sending a lot of their shills onto various newsgroups to pump up the buzz, which is not such a wonderful thing to do and which makes me nervous. As to Mary Sunshine, we’ll have to wait and see, although the stage device of having a man do it might have been deemed to theatrical for film.
William E. Lurie asks when I get a new DVD do I watch the film first or the special features first? If there is a commentary track do I listen to that on a second viewing? I must admit that on a lot of the DVDs I own, I haven’t even checked out the special features. It’s very time consuming. If it’s a film I’ve seen a lot, then I’ll check out the transfer and sound, and usually I’ll watch the documentary if there is one. I never listen to commentary tracks without first watching the film, even if it’s one I’ve seen.
George asks what was the first or even the first few professional jobs that I’ve left off a resume, jobs that have been too embarrassing to leave on, or have I been totally proud of everything I’ve done. In the days when I had a resume, I would drop some of the earlier stuff that simply wasn’t important to keep on (shows that had been cancelled and which no one would remember, etc.). I haven’t always been so proud of some of the projects I’ve done, but I’ve never been embarrassed by what I’ve done in them. In the early days I’d list every little thing, but I’d really hone it. Even now, when I do a bio for something, for the book or whatever, I leave out most of the acting and directing work, just include what I perceive are the highlights. For instance, I never list my appearance in The Apple Dumpling Gang or the awful film Racquet, or even one of my favorite TV guest shots, Doctor’s Hospital. I rarely include the Dinah Shore series on which I was a regular, I rarely include my year-long stint as Playboy on the Air’s sex news reporter-at-large, even though I had a great time doing both.
Jed mentions that on June 18th that I had a meeting with Miss Cybill Shepherd. Was that meeting connected to one of my recent announcements? No, it wasn’t. I have no idea whether the fruits of that meeting will ripen or not. Miss Shepherd is a bit wacky, and needs lots of reassurance from those around her. I know that the producer who brought me in to meet her is still going round and round, so we’ll just have to see where it all goes. As soon as I can say something, I shall.
Jose asks what my favorite “Vinnieism” is and would like to know who comes up with them? Jose also hopes he’s not bringing up a sore subject. I’d have to go through all those albums, because I can’t remember a single one of them off the top of my head. Other than “good eatin'” which was on the first few, I made ninety-eight percent of them up. And no, it isn’t a sore subject, because Vinnie had nothing to do with anyone but me. I hired him, I worked with him and he was one of my key musical partners-in-crime as it were. In other words, he was an independent contractor and had nothing whatsoever to do with any of the labels I worked for or created.
JMK asks if I could have any living or dead orchestrators do The First Nudie Musical score for the stage, who would that be and why? Well, let’s confine it to the living. I can tell you who I’ve chosen, certainly, although he has to work out his deal with the producers – David Siegel. I’ve chosen him because a) he’s really top-notch, b) he’s done great work for me, and c) he understands how to make a small group of players sound large. Not everyone knows how to do that. But most orchestrators I know would do a fine job.
Matthew asks if I’ve ever walked out of a musical in the middle of an act or at intermission? I can’t remember ever walking out of a musical, at least a professional production of one. There are several that I wanted to walk out of – Cyrano, The Red Shoes, Nick and Nora – but I stayed until the bitter end of each.
Arnold M. Brockman asks what happened to my further reviews of The Alec Guiness Collection. They’ll be coming soon, I promise. Also, do I use any special programs when typing movie or play scripts? Not really. For Nudie, I had some macros set up for the character name, the stage direction, character direction, and so forth, but otherwise I just use Word and leave the real formatting to others.
Michael Shayne asks where the name Brockhurst Pertwee (the name I post under on Usenet) comes from? It comes from one of my favorite films, The Court Jester, with Danny Kaye. There are three gentlemen who are offed by Basil Rathbone, and their names are Brockhurst, Finsdale and Pertwee. When I came up with my former posting name it was because I’d mis-remembered the second name and had put a “worth” on the end of it, instead of a “dale”. That is the first time I’ve ever told this story. The full posting name should be brockhurstandpertwee, but for some reason the “and” gets left off in the header parens. Next, Michael wants to know my opinion of people who advertise in Creative Screenwriting or similar places on the Internet, offering their services as professional readers. I am suspect of those things – you’re better off having a friend you trust read it. Those people tend to be out-of-work unsuccessful screenwriters, who criticize from a very limited viewpoint, at least in my opinion (IMO, in Internet lingo). Plus, they all go by the standard “this has to happen here, this needs to be by page ten” yada yada yada (that is three yadas, which equal a yoda). Next Michael would like to know who jonbrianblake is and why he’s saying those terrible things about me (if you are in the dark, read a few of this past week’s notes). Well, I don’t really know who he is. I, of course, have my suspicions as to where he got his information because the specific information (or misinformation) he posted has never been printed anywhere, and the gentleman he mentions has never gone on record or done an interview as to the reasons I left Varese. The information was very specific (and incorrect) and would have to be considered “insider”. I will let you draw your own conclusions. Certainly I’ve drawn mine. They’re quite nice, with bold colors – I did them in oils, given the oily nature of his post. And, of course, you will notice that once I posted about the “insider” nature of his post and asked him to reveal his sources, he conveniently disappeared into the night, never to respond. That is the way these things work. Why, you remember we’ve even had posts here like that. And, you will see a review for The First Nudie Musical on amazon.com, a one-star review or something, that is so blatantly written by someone whose style I know all-too-well that it was a joke, it was laughable. It’s all designed to cause harm, to besmirch, and the people responsible should grow up, get a life and find better things to do with their time.
Kerry asks whose idea it was on Liz Callaway’s Frank Loesser album to change “nickel coke” to “Diet Coke” on Standing on the Corner. Why, I do believe it was my very own idea and I stand by it (on the corner, of course).
Tom from Oz asks if I have any favorite flowers. Roses, always. Also like snap dragons. Have I ever been known to be a wallflower. Yes, I have – in my teen years.
Lulu asks if I’ve ever gotten really hungry on Yom Kippur and indulged in just a little nosh. I will be honest (I cannot be less than honest, you know) and tell you that this Yom Kippur is the first in over twenty years that I’ve fasted. And even then, I only fasted on Monday.
Td asks what is the last book I read and what attracted me to it? I must say that since I began writing Benjamin Kritzer a year ago last May, I have not read any fiction. I was going to catch up on some things but I didn’t because I started the sequel. I have read some non-fiction – the last being a book on Spaghetti Westerns, which I quite liked. Who would I recommend that book to? Oh, fans of pasta and westerns I suppose.
Craig has three count them three questions. Hairspray CD? Very nice and fun and infectious, but have only heard it once so far. Good performances from all, especially our very own Kerry Butler. What’s the best thing about my new job and the worst thing? The money, and the long hours of viewing tapes. Have I ever gotten a letter from a listener that just wowed me? Or a nasty one? I’ve gotten a few letters and e-mails which touched me deeply – from people who really appreciated and understood what I was doing. Those letters and e-mails mean a lot to me – they make doing things worthwhile, really. I’ve had a few nasty ones, too, and I’m happy to say that in a couple of instances I was able to win over the people who wrote them.
Well, the natives are getting restless, so I must take the day, I must do the things I do, I must get in my automobile and roam the byways and highways and even the lowways and noways. I must have a hair cut, I must write, I must do so many things, but above all I must party here at haineshisway.com. I must shake my booty and you must all shake your collective booties as well. We must have a plethora of booty-shaking. I have to forego the trivia contest this week, but we shall be back with a brand spanking new Unseemly Trivia Contest next week and it will be a doozy. Today’s topic of discussion: What are your favorite Cary Grant films? Mr. Cary Grant has always been one of my favorite screen actors – so suave, urbane and witty. I’ll start – North by Northwest, To Catch a Thief, Penny Serenade, Bringing up Baby, Charade. I’ll stop there and you may now have – your turn. Also, feel free to discuss anything else. And don’t forget to return often as our birthday celebration for Dear Reader Laura continues. Post away, my pretties.