Haines Logo Text
Column Archive
November 28, 2002:

TURKEY LURKING TIME

Bruce Kimmel Photograph bk's notes

Well, dear readers, here it is, our second annual Thanksgiving celebration. Yes, you heard it here, dear readers, it is our second Thanksgiving celebration and it is time to put on our pointy party hats and our colored tights and pantaloons, it is time to dance the Hora and the Yam, it is time to eat turkey with stuffing and for those who are adventurous, stuffing with turkey. I, myself, would like to stuff a few turkeys, but why dwell on it. No, we must not dwell on “it” because, frankly, “it” does not dwell on us, so why should we show “it” any favoritism? In any case, we want all Hainsies/Kimlets to have a safe and sound Thanksgiving. And if you are alone this Thanksgiving, please know that you are part of the family here at haineshisway.com and if you are part of this family then no one is alone – oh, a Stephen Sondheim reference. Check back often today, because we are celebratin’, oh, yes, we are celebratin’ until the cows come home and let’s face it, those cows have been pretty errant and truant for quite some time, damn them, damn them all to hell.

I can smell the turkey cooking in the oven which is odd since there is no turkey cooking in the oven. I have occasionally cooked a turkey in the oven, but they deserved it. No, I shall be spending Thanksgiving at the home of Cissy Wechter. But that won’t keep me away from this here site, dear readers, because Cissy Wechter has an actual computer and I shall be able to check in from there quite often. I shall report on the goings on, oh, yes, you shall know all about the goings on.

Well, let’s get this here party going by clicking on the Unseemly Button below. After all, we might even find a turkey lurking in the next section, in which case it will be turkey lurking time.

Do any of you have any turkeys that you’d like to stuff? I know I do, but we won’t dwell on it because it might be turkey lurking time. Isn’t that the Act One finale from Promises, Promises?

I thought that I might get off a little early yesterday, but I ended up staying until seven, because of some last minute busywork I had to do. It was quite annoying, but not as annoying as the drive I had to take to get Luckie. It’s always worth it to get Luckie, especially on a Wednesday night, but a drive that should have taken a half-hour roundtrip ended up taking two hours roundtrip. I was already overtired and in a foul mood (earlier in the day I’d had chicken because I’d been in a fowl mood), so that long day’s journey into night was so annoying that I wanted to stuff a turkey. But we won’t dwell on it.

Well, perhaps I should keep these notes short and sweet, like a candied yam. After all, we’ve got turkeys to stuff, not that we’re going to dwell on it, we’ve got celebratin’ to do, we’ve got a lot of livin’ to do – oh, a Strouse and Adams reference – we’ve got Thanksgiving cheer to spread like a soft gouda cheese. As for me, I say thanks for giving me you, dear readers.

Well, I must take the day, I must do the things I do, I must write, write, write, and then I must get in my automobile and go eat some Thanksgiving dinner – tonight I will not be eating foods that would make Eileen and Chet Atkins very happy, but I’m not dwelling on it. Today’s topic of discussion: What is the strangest Thanksgiving you’ve ever spent, and what is the best Thanksgiving you’ve ever had. I’ll start by telling you my strangest – 1993 – I was in New York doing three albums back-to-back (maybe even four). It was a three or four week trip, that’s all I remember. I was subletting director Marshall Mason’s apartment on Christopher Street. Mr. Mason had a large number of plants in his bedroom, and somewhere in those plants was a mosquito. And that mosquito fell in love with me, dear readers. I was like a Thanksgiving turkey to that mosquito and he feasted on me as I slept, and when I awoke I had huge red bites all over my face and arms. I don’t mean small red bites, I mean huge as in large as in enormous red bites. It was quite disgusting. I had to use an anti-mosquito lotion for the rest of my stay there, every night, which helped, but which smelled disgusting. I hated every minute of being there. In any case, Thanksgiving fell during my stay there, but I helped it up and it only suffered a sprained foot. What the hell am I talking about? Oh, yes, my strange Thanksgiving. I didn’t really know that many people in New York at that point (I’d only done three albums), but my assistant and her friend came over and cooked a fine turkey in the oven and as I recall a few other people dropped by. It took eight hours for the turkey to cook and we didn’t eat until around ten at night. We sat at the dining table and watched the drag queens from New Jersey parade outside on the corner. It was all very surreal and it was My Strangest Thanksgiving. Your turn.

Search BK's Notes Archive:
 
© 2001 - 2024 by Bruce Kimmel. All Rights Reserved