Well, dear readers, you won’t believe it – I barely believe it myself. I just this minute woke up. Yes, Virginia, I just this minute woke up. And do you know what time it is? Well, I’ll tell you what time it is because I will not keep such things from you – it is ten-thirty in the morning, that’s what time it is. I haven’t slept like that since Santa Claus conquered the Martians. Ten count them ten glorious hours, straight through, never woke up once. Isn’t that exciting? Isn’t that just too too?
I must really have needed that long sleep and I feel grand, just grand. Of course, now I must hurry through these notes, but here is the good news: I was rather clever and answered all of your excellent questions before going to bed last night, so I don’t even have to write anything in the next section except an exit line. Isn’t that exciting? Isn’t that just too too?
Oh, what a clever lad am I, having written those answers last night. Why if I hadn’t been a clever lad am I then I would be sitting here for the next two hours writing those fershluganah answers and then it would be after noon by the time the notes went up. But now the notes will go up by ten-forty-five, late but not bloody late.
Well, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below so we can get right to those answers to your excellent questions which I, of course, wrote last night because what a clever lad am I.
You see, you see, all excellent questions already answered. I can just whiz past them, write an exit line and that, as they say, will be that. Oh, what a clever lad am I.
Jrand55 asks which of the two Gale Storm series was superior: My Little Margie or The Gale Storm Show/Oh Susanna! First of all, isn’t the name Gale Storm redundant? In my opinion (IMO, in Internet lingo) there is no contest – My Little Margie wins hands down. It also wins hands up for that or any other matter. I loved My Little Margie (it is mentioned fondly in my very own novel entitled, Benjamin Kritzer). I bought the two DVD set of Margie episodes when it came out and it is just a charming look back at a wonderful era. Mrs. Odets, Willie Best, Freddie (Oh, Freddie!) and Charlie Farrell and Honeywell and Todd.
William E. Lurie asks if we’re going to have an Ask Luckie Day soon? I shall Ask Luckie and find out if she in amenable to such a notion.
Craig has a mini-plethora of questions and I have a mini-plethora of answers. In my own words, how did I happen upon Mr. Mark Bakalor and his talents? In my own words, I happened upon Mr. Mark Bakalor and his talents by discovering his Sondheim.com website. At least I think that’s how I happened upon him. And I think those are my own words. I really can’t remember. I used to post there occasionally, anonymously, under the name The Real A. And then, one fine and dandy day, Mr. Mark Bakalor suggested I write my very own weekly column and the rest is history. Do I think the DVD of my upcoming film will have a karaoke track and on-screen lyrics so dear readers can sing along? It certainly is a possibility. If I, BK, were the master of time, space, and all dimensions what things that are legal would I make illegal and what illegal things would I make legal? Are there any laws of physics that I would change and why? I would make it illegal for the wealthy to abuse the judicial system, oh, yes, I would make that most illegal. I would make the tax system illegal. I don’t know from illegal. I would change all laws of physics just because I, as the master of time, space, and all dimensions, can. Did I ever own a burp gun? No, but I did own and still do own a Spud Gun (a gun that shoots potatoes). Damn, I love that Spud Gun. What is my most vivid college memory? Oh, I don’t have many vivid college memories – let’s see: Doing Stop the World was a wonderful college experience. And premiering my musical, Stages, was a fantastic experience (although I was long out of college by then).
Barbara Walters asks if I could be a tree what kind of tree would I be. I would be a free tree, free to wave my branches in the breeze, free to stand tall and proud, and free to have my branches be naked if they so chose. Or, I would be a waffle tree, with wonderful waffles growing every which way.
Jb is often frustrated by CDs that don’t have a track listing on the back of the CD case, which my CDs of john and jen and Cowgirls lack. The question is, how is the design of the CD developed? Was the location of the track listing something people felt strongly about? Do I have a personal preference? Sometimes the back (the inlay card) of a cast album has certain legal requirements, like the billing block be displayed there. If that billing block is large then it is so crowded by the time you put track titles that it’s all just a big mish-mash. I’ve done them both ways, however. What I don’t like is when the track titles aren’t on the inlay and just the inside of the booklet. If we couldn’t put them on the inlay I always tried to put them on the back of the booklet so you at least wouldn’t have to open the fershluganah booklet to find the tracks.
William E. Lurie asks what memories of the Golden Age of Television do I have? So many. I loved TV back then (again, many of these shows are mentioned in my very own novel, Benjamin Kritzer and many more are in the sequel, whose title I will disclose in the near future). The shows I have really vivid memories of loving are Boston Blackie, My Little Margie, The Thin Man (I adored Phyllis Kirk), Highway Patrol, Tombstone Territory, a really obscure show called Panic! which was kind of a precursor to The Twilight Zone, specials like Peter Pan and Amahl and the Night Visitors, all quiz shows, I Love Lucy, Superman, Racket Squad (loved Reed Hadley), wrestling (when it was great!), Your Hit Parade, Ed Sullivan, Steve Allen, What’s My Line?, Soupy Sales and on and on and on.
Sandra asks if I’ve ever read King Lear. No, I have never read King Lear, nor have I seen King Lear, although I’ve seen Mr. Kurosawa’s Ran, which I think is from King Lear or one of them high-falutin’ Shakespeare things.
Tom asks is it true that nostalgia isn’t what it used to be? Yes and no. I have never been one to dwell in nostalgia, by the way (BTW, in Internet lingo), but doing the Kritzer books has been wonderful in that they transport me back to my childhood and it’s really like reliving it again. Who was my favorite TV doctor? Dr. Kildare (I once did an episode of Marcus Welby, and I liked him, too). Who was my favorite TV teacher? Comedy – Eve Arden as Our Miss Brooks. Drama – Mr. Novak with James Franciscus (shot at my high school). Who was my favorite TV detective? That’s very difficult. I liked Ray Milland as Markham, Peter Lawford and Phyllis Kirk as sleuths Nick and Nora Charles, I liked Mr. and Mrs. North, I liked Columbo, I liked Banacek, and I liked Mike Hammer (the original, with Darren McGavin). Oh, and I used to love the original Dragnet. Who was my favorite TV family? I loved the Leave it to Beaver family and also the Donna Reed family. Who was the best TV mum? I’ll be loyal and true and say Miss Shirley Jones.
Michael Shayne asks how the Electronic Hat works. Is it a computer program one can download? No, it is a special haineshisway.com device, created just for this here site. I can’t tell you how it works because we all know how uncouth interlopers nose around and I wouldn’t want them to steal our top-secret specs. Have I ever been mistaken for another actor? Well, of course, Chevy Chase, constantly. He once told me that before Saturday Night Live people used to mistake him for me. So there. Have I ever considered changing my name to something more waspish. I had an uncle, Al Kingston, who was quite a big agent, first with William Morris, I think, and then with a big literary agency (oh, if he were only still around today). When I was a very young sprig of a twig of a tad of a lad of a youth of a teen, I told him I wanted to be an actor. He arranged for me to take my first photos (which I still have – and boy are they a hoot – taken by Bruno of Hollywood) and he suggested I change my name to Bruce Kent. Thank goodness I did not heed his advice. I did not want to be named after a Metropolis reporter or a cigarette.
Laura asks if I’ve ever jumped out of a plane. Never have, never will. I once jumped out of a car, but it was parked at the time.
Ron Pulliam asks what is the most memorable TV show/commercial partnership from my childhood? Well, certainly I remember Your Hit Parade and Lucky Strike (LSMFT) and I remember Wild Bill Hickock and Kellog’s cereals (especially Sugar Pops).
Jose asks if I separate my clothes before I wash? Yes, I lay them out neatly and then I go in the bathroom and wash. Frankly, it is one thing I rarely do – the lovely cleaning lady does the laundry when she’s here.
Jed’s question regards the credit in the Nudie Musical documentary “Music Arranged and Performed by Grant Geissman”. Did Mr. Geissman really play all instruments or were there additional musicians? Mr. Geissman played all guitars, and he did the majority of the tracks in his synth. However, the reed solos are by Phil Feather.
George mentions that when I began writing on this site I asked my close personal friend, Mr. Guy Haines, for a year supply of Red Vines. Am I now out of them or did I save some? No, I finished them in a month. And no, Mr. Haines has not replenished the stash (he bribed me with them so I wouldn’t write about him – he didn’t have to – I really have nothing whatsoever to say about him, frankly). If the conversations I’ve been having actually frost the “some people” that I might or might not know, is that a bad or good thing. Well, I think it’s a good thing from my perspective. As to the perspective of the people I might or might not know – I could give a flying Wallenda.
Kerry asks if Mr. Guy Haines were to record another album, but this time recording my song choices, what might I have him record? Well, since a Guy Haines second album is a distinct and real possibility, I cannot and will not say, oh, no, I cannot and will not say, other than I’d probably insist he sing Love, Look Away.
S. Woody White asks who is my favorite television chef? I don’t know any current ones, but my favorite from my childhood was definitely Chef Milani (who I just this minute wrote about in my very own sequel to my very own novel). Are there any movies out this season that I would consider seeing in a movie theater rather than waiting for the DVD. Well, I really avoid movie theaters like the plague, because I cannot stomach the chattering noisy people therein. However, starting right about now, DGA members (the Director’s Guild) are allowed in to any screening whether at a theater or at a studio, and I do intend catching up on certain things over the holidays, but probably only at the screenings. I’d like to see the new Harry Potter, I want to see the Bob Crane thing, Auto Focus and a few others.
Td asks if I have favorite symphonies, cantatas and oratorios. I have many favorite symphonies, ranging from the Mahler Sixth, to the Rachmaninov Second, to all of Vaughn-Williams, with stopovers at Elgar, William Alwyn, Aronold Bax, Darius Milhaud, Ikuma Dan, Copland, Roy Harris, Howard Hanson (especially the Romantic, from whence many of the ideas in the ET score came from), William Walton and on and on and on. As to cantatas and oratorios, I’m not that up on them, although I’ve always been fond of the Storm Cloud Cantata by Arthur Benjamin, used in The Man Who Knew Too Much. Who is my favorite classical composer? Impossible to choose, can’t do it, don’t ask me. Is there any particular aria I’d like to hear sung by one of the singers I like to use? Oh, I don’t know, sure, Rebecca Luker could sing any aria and I’d be jiggy with it. Do I have a favorite operetta? I’m afraid I’m woefully undernourished when it comes to operetta. Was Rosalie an operetta? I liked that one.
Matthew wants to know what the origin behind the song Everybody Wants to be Sondheim is. What show did it come from and how did Mr. Haines feel about recording it? The song isn’t from a show, it’s a cabaret song by Alan Chapman. Mr. Haines enjoyed singing it very much.
William F. Orr asks if all my upcoming projects are successful and I am rich and all-knowing and all-powerful, will I still be here for the loyal and true Hainsies/Kimlets who have stuck with me through thick and thin. In life there are certain things you can count on, and I am one of them. Yes, I will be here for those who have been loyal and true. For those who haven’t, well, what can I say?
You see, you see, I have whizzed past the already-answered questions and am now about to write an exit line.
Well, dear readers, I must take the day, I must do the things I do, I must do the errands I cannot do during the week, I must write, write, write (that is three writes which do not make a wrong), and then I must get Luckie. Yes, you heard it here, dear readers, I shall get Luckie this weekend. Today’s topic of discussion: For those who’ve read my very own novel entitled Benjamin Kritzer, you will remember that said Kritzer has a very special relationship with someone. When was the first time you really were mad for someone, your first like/love, who was it and have you ever had contact with them again?