Well, dear readers, it is time to put on our pointy party hats and our colored tights and pantaloons. It is time to break out the cheese slices and the ham chunks and it is time to dance the Hora and also the Wooly-Bully. And when we tire of the Wooly-Bully we shall dance the Bully-Wully. Yes, you heard it here, dear readers, we are having a party here at haineshisway.com, but not just any old party – no, today we are celebrating not one, not two, but three count them three actual birthdays of actual people. Isn’t that exciting? Isn’t that just too too? What a festive day we shall have and there will be confetti and party favors and cake, let us not forget cake or dear reader Kerry will say, “You people really take the cake.” Yes, Virginia, today we are celebrating the birthdays of (in alphabetical order): Mr. Craig Brockman, Mr. Joel Kimmel and Mr. William F. Orr. Let us all sing a hale and hearty Happy Birthday to the birthday boys – on the count of three – one, two, three:
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU
HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR CRAIG, JOEL AND WILLIAM F. ORR
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU
We hope our three birthday boys have a most wonderful day and we hope that they will spend part of it here with their haineshisway.com family.
Well, it is one count it one day until Christmas (not counting today, of course). I feel ever so jolly and I find myself saying, “Ho, ho, ho” quite a bit. I said it in Hollywood yesterday and three women came up to me and hit me.
Luckie, who has been quite good and not had any incidents for five days, unfortunately had one last night. I was calling her quite sweetly and she decided I was gouging her eyes out with a flaming hot pincer and she yelped and peed. I then tried calmly to calm her down and she reacted to that as if I were branding her with a cattle iron and she yelped and peed some more. Then, I’m afraid, I lost my patience and I yelled at her – I figured as long as she was yelping and peeing she might as well have a reason. I told her to get on her towel and not move. She, of course, went in the dining room and yelped and peed. I cleaned up her mess, said, “I’m not talking to you the rest of the night,” and I harrrrumphed into my bedroom. She whined for about ten minutes, then sheepishly came into the bedroom and apologized by licking my face. By this time I had found my patience and we had a nice calm chat and then she went to sleep on the floor next to my bed.
Well, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below because we’ve got some celebratin’ to do, oh, yes, we’ve got some celebratin’ to do.
Are you all wearing your pointy party hats? I can see some of you aren’t – now, don’t be a party pooper; put on your pointy party hats this very minute.
Is everyone jingling their bells? I know I am. I jingle my bells all the livelong day because it is Christmas time. I went shopping yesterday for my annual Christmas Eve do, and bought all manner of foodstuffs that are not allowed on the Eileen and Chet Atkins diet. I will not be observing that diet on either Christmas Eve or Christmas Day and I will probably gain back all the weight I’ve lost and then I shall start over and by gum and by golly I will lose that damn weight again pronto.
We’ll have a blow by blow account of our Christmas Eve do, and my merry partygoers will all post, too, so you simply must check back often. And then, on Christmas Day, this is the place to be – we’ll be having an all-day/all-night Christmas celebration the likes of which you have never seen. For example, we will have interactive fruitcake. Isn’t that exciting? Isn’t that just too too?
Today I begin what I hope will be the last 15% of my book. I shall write like a demon, I shall write like the wind, and I will take occasional breaks to jingle my bells and say, “Ho, ho, ho” but not in Hollywood, where hoing is illegal.
Well, I must take the day, I must do the things I do, I must write, I must eat various and sundried foodstuffs, I must pick up packages which will have hopefully arrived and I must do all manner of other things. My daughter visited yesterday and we had a splendiferously splendid time. Today’s topic of discussion: We’ve had your five favorite CDs of the year – now, what are your five favorite movies of the year? I’ll be doing my annual best of on New Year’s Eve, but we’ll continue doing yours over the next few days. Post away, my pretties, and while you post let’s toast our birthday boys.