Well, dear readers, there are only four count them four days until Christmas. Yesterday, I had a haircut and whilst I was waiting for it to begin I picked up the December 16th issue of New York Magazine. And do you know what the cover was? It was all about how popular the Eileen and Chet Atkins diet is in New York and everywhere else. How trendy it’s become. So, I eagerly turned to the article and nowhere, and I mean nowhere do they mention the little fact that it was haineshisway.com that was the cause of this newfound coolness. How dare they? We were the trendsetters, we made it popular, we got the word out and yet there they are acting all high and mighty like they know the scoop. Well, poop on their scoop, if it hadn’t been for us there would be no trend for those people to follow. I am writing an angry letter to them telling them to give credit where credit is due – to the Hainsies/Kimlets. Damn them, damn them all to hell. Oh, well, when you are becoming the most popular site on all the Internet there is bound to be jealousy and copy-catting and copydogging and people grabbing credit where no credit is due. That is heinous (heinous, do you hear me?), this people grabbing credit where no credit is due. But those in the know know that the newfound popularity of the Eileen and Chet Atkins diet started right here.
I have nice short hair now and am looking very kempt. Isn’t that exciting? Isn’t that just too too? So, are we in the Christmas spirit? Are we playing our Christmas CDs? Are we wearing red and green and kissing under the mistletoe? I don’t have any fershluganah mistletoe so I guess I won’t be getting any kisses. And why is it mistletoe rather than mistlefinger or mistleelbow?
The weather has been very brisk and crisp but the skies are blue and clear. What am I, a weatherman all of a sudden? I feel this would be a good time to click on the Unseemly Button below because frankly I woke up this morning bursting with ideas and I must get them integrated into my book while they are fresh on my mind. So, click away, dear readers.
Yes, I woke up bursting with ideas. I knew that everything I’d written yesterday had a kind of perfunctory air to it and I was not so happy, but this morning whilst lying in bed having my face licked by Luckie I figured out what was bugging me, made some notes, and now I can fix it all up bright and shiny-new. I hate when things have a perfunctory air, don’t you? Luckie has a perfunctory air and I really must take her for a doggy-bath very soon.
Why does it sound like someone is running a generator outside my front windows? Wait one second. Well, I can see nothing untoward out my window and yet I can hear something that sounds like a generator. It is quite annoying and in a moment I shall have to go out there and have Luckie find the source and then kill whoever is causing the noise.
Oh, who can think with such a racket going on? Here I am, bursting with ideas and then someone starts up a generator or whatever the hell it is. I am really getting annoyed here and they will rue the day, oh, yes they will rue the day they miss with me. I am about to put my shoes on and go outside and tell these people a thing or two. And I shall do so with a perfunctory air because that is all these cretins deserve.
Oh, this is too too much. I’m afraid I must end these here notes, I must take the day, I must do the things I do, I must go outside and throttle those who are causing this unseemly noise, I must write, and then this evening I must go to see The Wizard of Oz. Well, I’ve been outside and would you like to know what this horrendous noise is – it’s a Stanely Steemer van – some idiot is having their carpet steamed at nine o’clock on a Saturday morning. Man, that frosts me, that really frosts me. Don’t forget, Monday is our live chat. More about that tomorrow. Today’s topic of discussion: All right, it’s the end of the year – time for our best lists. Today, what are your five favorite CDs of the year? I’ll join in with my choices later today because I cannot think when a Stanley Steemer van is making such noise.