Well, dear readers, I am in pain. Yes, you heard it here, dear readers, I, BK, am in pain. Why am I in pain you might ask and I might tell you because who am I to keep such things from you? Well, I don’t have the pain from doing the mambo, I have the pain because Luckie came up to me while I was working yesterday. I petted her on the head a few times then told her to go away. She acted as if I had poured flaming hot soup over her and she yelped and peed. I now have devised a remedy for this behavior – on the side of my house is a walkway – on one end of it is a gate and I blocked off the other end so there is no access to the yard and no way to jump a fence or dig under one. That is Luckie’s new place to stay if she has one of her moments. She does not like it, but that’s life, Luckie-wise. Anyway, she had her moment, so I got up. She knew what she’d done and I think she knew where she was going, so she immediately began to crawl in the other direction. I’m a faster walker than she is a crawler, however, and I got hold of her collar and picked her up by the scruff of her neck and bodily got her outside (while I was doing this, she emitted a steady stream of pee all over the kitchen). She was immediately sorry, but I kept her out there for an hour for her to think about it. Then I let her in and we kissed and made up. However, in bodily getting her outside, I pulled every muscle in my lower back, hence I am in pain, and severe pain at that. It didn’t stop me from writing eighteen count them eighteen pages yesterday but it did stop me from sleeping well last night.
Also, on our walk this morning I noticed that Luckie was having a bit of diarrhea – can any of our dear reader dog owners tell me the best thing to do for such a thing? Has anyone noticed that I just used the word diarrhea in these here notes? That is so unseemly I don’t even know how to process that information.
I must keep these here notes short today because the cleaning lady will be here at any moment and Luckie will bark and give me a headache and she will bark right back and give me a headache and we’re all going to get the evil eye so I’ve got to vamoose, or, at the very least, vamelk. So, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below right this very minute.
Have I mentioned that I am in pain? It reminds me of that song:
Who’s got the pain when they lift the Luckie
Who’s got the pain when she goes pee
Who’s got the pain when Luckie’s a bad girl
Do you know who? It’s me
Don’t forget, Donald should have a brand spanking new radio show up tomorrow, and our Unseemly Live Chat is tomorrow, too. It will be our final live chat of the year and our final one through AOL. Starting with the first chat of the New Year we will have our very own handy-dandy haineshisway.com chat room. Isn’t that exciting? Isn’t that just too too? So, tell your family, tell your friends, tell the man in the street and the woman in the parking lot – soon we will be the most popular site on all the Internet.
Well, dear readers, I must take the day, I must do the things I do, I must get in my automobile with Luckie and drive hither and thither and also yon and I must not return until the cleaning lady is gone. Yes, Virginia, I must be yon until she’s gone. Today’s topic of discussion: What were your five favorite television programs this year? Second topic – what will all of you be doing for New Year’s Eve? We, of course, will be right here, having our rockin’ New Year’s Eve celebration to end all celebrations. Post away, my pretties.