Well, dear readers, tomorrow I shall be on my way to New York, New York, ready to brave the cold and ready to meet with various and sundried people. Isn’t that exciting? Isn’t that just too too?
Last night, prior to my arrival at the Penn and Teller wrap party, I watched a brand spanking new DVD entitled Victim. It’s a spiffy transfer of a really good British drama, the first to take on Britain’s then-antiquated and quite horrifying laws on Homosexuality. In fact, the film was partly responsible for the laws being changed. Crackling good performances from Dirk Bogarde and the rest of the cast, and all well-directed by Basil Dearden. It was quite a daring endeavor for all of them, and they did themselves proud. Some of it is quite touching really, and sadly none of the anti-gay attitudes it portrays have totally gone away. I recommend it.
What am I, Ebert and Roeper all of a sudden? Let’s get to the party, man, we’ve got parties to talk about. The wrap party was held at some trendy pool hall on Hollywood Blvd. in a not particularly wonderful neighborhood (I gather that is the new trendy thing – to put these things in not-wonderful neighborhoods). We had the whole upper floor to ourselves. The entire staff was there, plus the occasional talent that appeared on the show, plus the Showtime executives who nurtured the show. Penn and Teller were not there, as they are in New York preparing to appear on the Super Bowl. The show, Penn and Teller’s Bullshit, has been getting pretty good reviews everywhere (except the New York Times) and the producer told me that in almost every review my shows are mentioned – one of them on alternative medicine seems to be everyone’s favorite – it airs next week. During the party, on several big-screen TVs, they ran all the episodes, but sans sound. When the Sex episode came on (which I did) people could not believe what they were seeing. I remember when I was given that piece, the producer said to me, “Go as far as you can.” I said, “I don’t know if I’m the one you want to say that to” but I did and it’s pretty damn daring and racy – and funny. That one is the only show in the series which will not be repeated mid-week, it will only be run late on Friday. One of the Showtime executives, a very nice young lady, came up to me to tell me how much she loved the shows I worked on and also how much she loved my performance in the medicine show. I thought that was very nice of her. There was good food, lots to drink, and lots of pool playing, and we all got Showtime gift bags, which included a very nice coat and hat. I stayed a couple of hours then went home to work on your excellent questions, most of which I answered before going to bed last night.
Well, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below because we have excellent questions that you need to see the answers to, do we not?
And here they are – your excellent questions accompanied by whatever answers I could come up with.
Jrand52 (formerly Jrand55) asks if I think Frances Farmer had a lobotomy. It’s been twenty years since I read her book, and I haven’t see the film in ages, and frankly I just don’t remember what I think. However, if JMK, our resident Frances Farmer expert would care to answer, he may.
William E. Lurie asks what sites I visit on the Internet, either theater or non-theater related. Hmmm – I don’t really visit all that many sites. I sometimes go to amazon, sometimes to All That Chat (if someone tells me there’s something interesting going on there, which there usually isn’t), and, of course, eBay quite often. Otherwise, I frequent several Usenet newsgroups, both theater and film, all of which I find extremely annoying.
George asks if I had “it” to do over again what would “it” be and what would I do differently? Well, as I say in the DVD commentary on Nudie Musical, if I had it to do over again I would never have gone public with my beef against Paramount. That was an incredibly stupid thing to do (even though we were in the right) and it cost me dearly, career-wise. So, that is one thing. Did I know the word “paroxysm” prior to Wednesday’s notes or did I look it up? No, I knew it, although I cannot recall where I first heard it – but there are certain words I love and that’s one of them.
Philip Crosby asks what other roles I would like to see our very own Brent Barrett play? Well, we’ll be discussing that very topic in his very own Unseemly Interview in the next couple of weeks. However, I think he’d be a fine Sky Masterson, a fine lead in Pajama Game, well, he’d be fine in any of those classic leading man roles.
Jose asks what is my favorite Swanson or other brand frozen dinner. I haven’t eaten a Swanson frozen dinner in thirty years. I do like some of the Stouffer’s dinners – macaroni and cheese, their pizza bread, etc. What food product name always makes me laugh? Junket. Have I ever been in a natural disaster? Yes, last year with a certain company.
JMK asks if I’ve ever had a recurring dream and if so what was it and what was my analysis of it? I have had many recurring dreams over the years. The longest is one where I’m being chased by enemies and I end up flying and escaping from them. I love flying dreams (I believe there is one in Kritzerland – based on the first one I think I ever had). Then I have the dream where I meet the perfect person at a party – it’s a wonderful dream and frankly I never want to wake up from that dream. For years I tried to come up with a way to make that into a screenplay, but I haven’t licked it yet. And there are various others through the years. I think they’re all pretty standard in terms of analysis.
Kerry asks if I were to have a dinner for myself, which dishes would I choose from restaurants – I have seven courses and can choose from any restaurants – even restaurants which don’t exist anymore. Oh, gosh. These questions are always so hard to answer. I’d have to have the Caesar salad from Dan Tana’s. I might like to have the Spinach Artichoke Dip from California Pizza Kitchen. I might like to have a steak from Ruth’s Chris, followed by a hamburger from the long gone Kentucky Boys. I might like to have the eggs benedict from the now defunct Nikodell’s. I might like to have Shrimp Cocktail from my father’s old restaurant, and I might like to have the Bread Pudding from Musso’s. Who would I invite over to taste all those marvelous dishes? Why, all Hainsies/Kimlets, of course.
Michael Shayne asks if I can share some brief memories of the following: Dinah Shore and Her New Best Friends. A dream come true – being a regular on a CBS variety show. The dream, however, was a nightmare, as no one had a clue as to what type of show it should be. In eight weeks we went through four sets of writers and six directors. And no one would listen to any of us about what our strengths were. I tell the story of mentioning to the producers that I wrote songs and would like to sing a couple of them on the show. So, what did they have me do? They had me sing “I Write the Songs”, that Barry Manilow thing. I mean, that was what we were dealing with. But I adored working with Diana (Canova), and Leland (Palmer). Donny and Marie – call me crazy, but I really liked them a lot, their whole family was wonderful to me (they called me brother Bruce) and they treated their guest stars like royalty. Alice – had fun doing the episode, but hated the director and ultimately told her not to talk to me. Last year, I ran into some friends who were sitting with Linda Lavin, and I reminded her that I’d done the show. We laughed about it, and then I went back to my table. A little while later she waved me over and said, “Was I nice that week?” MASH – all I remember is that my musical of The Comedy of Errors was playing in Long Beach at some festival – and I was playing the show (playing the piano) and filming went long and I was very antsy – I made it by the seat of my pants. Everyone on the show was very nice. The Partridge Family – the best, they really were like a family and they treated me as one of them. My final show, the one on the cruise ship, was so much fun and we all had the best time. A little known fact is that Susan Dey and I went out for a short time. Tabitha – I did the first pilot, playing Adam, her brother. I was the first person they cast (the director was William Asher, who’d created Bewitched) and I got to test with all the potential Tabitha candidates. The one they ended up with, Liberty (Louise) Williams, was not really right for the role (the studio was in their “Rhoda” mode) – they passed on the likes of Susan Dey and some other pretty big names. We shot a lot of it in San Francisco and I had a blast because in the original pilot Tabitha didn’t want to be a witch, and Adam got to do all the fun witch stuff. I do remember shooting at Columbia the day the Variety and Reporter reviews of Nudie Musical came out – they were hideous and devastating, but there I was, starring in an ABC pilot, which made it better. Then the reviews started coming in from around the country and they were all raves, so go know. In any case, the pilot wasn’t picked up. Months later, I was offered another pilot, the second lead (with Michael Burns) – I mean “offered” – I didn’t have to read or anything – they ran Nudie Musical and hired me. I was about to start shooting that when word came down that they were doing a second Tabitha pilot, but I was already committed to this other one and couldn’t do it. Wouldn’t you know that was the one that sold. And, as irony would have it, I got the chicken pox just as filming on the new pilot began, and I had a horrid case of it – the producers moved all my scenes to the end of the shoot, but ultimately I didn’t clear up in time and they finally replaced me. I truly believe had I done it it would have sold because Burns and I (we’d already done one pilot together) had really good chemistry. To wrap up the story with a pretty pink ribbon – fast forward, I’m working on Totally Hidden Video. I’m in my second year on the show – we’ve just started the third season. I walk over to the main office to meet the new writers, and one of them is David Ankrum, who played Adam in the revamped Tabitha pilot and series. What are the chances of that – both Adams working on a television show together? Laverne and Shirley – well, always fun, despite the rivalry between Cindy and Penny. They would just call me out of the blue to come do one, and it was just a ton of laughs. Happy Days – same thing, great folks to work for and with. When I got my first Happy Days, the producers, who’d worked on Partridge Family, just called me and gave me the part. When I got on the set, Jerry Paris, the director, took one look at me and told me I was all wrong. That was some greeting. After we did our first rehearsal, he came running up to me and said, “Oh, thank God, you’re a good actor, that’s great.” And every day thereafter, whenever I’d see him he’d say, “There he is, that good actor.” Do I have any memorabilia from my acting days? Tons. All my scripts, lots of photos, all packed away in boxes in storage.
Nellie Lovett asks what is the most disgusting thing I’ve ever put in my mouth? Well, a top contender would be the Mole sauce at El Cholo. I almost threw up on the table.
Hapgood asks if I am proud of my work on the Penn and Teller show. Well, I don’t know if “proud” is a word I’d use, but I did my job and I think I did it professionally and well. I know they were pleased with my work and they thought my writing and putting-together of the pieces I did was really good and funny. And, Penn and Teller thought they were funny so there you are. How are Penn and Teller to work with? I have no idea – never met them. The way the show worked, in brief, is that pieces were shot, we put them together, wrote the voice-overs, suggested ideas for their stand-ups within the pieces, etc. Then they were shown the cut, they gave their notes, rewrote the voice-overs to suit their own style (the ones David and I wrote for our pieces were tampered with the least), and then the producer of the show went to Vegas and shot their material. Have I ever owned a Chia pet or any other Chia product? No, I have not. What plant is it whose seeds are used for Chia products? The Chia plant, of course. A plant indigenous to certain areas of South America, where the Waffle Tree grows. Which of the posters here have I actually met in person? Well, everyone who was at the New York get-together a few months ago; dear readers Laura and Sandra, Susan Gordon, S. Woody White, JMK – there may be others, but it’s early and my brain is not functioning at full capacity. Have I read Douglas Adams’ “Hitchhiker” series of books? No, somehow I’ve never gotten to them.
William F. Orr asks who I would trust to produce the OCR of The First Nudie Musical. Me, I would trust me. It would be a rare occurrence, but not without precedence – Rupert Holmes produced the Drood cast album, and Cy Coleman has co-produced most of his OCRs with Mike Berniker.
Arnold M. Brockman asks what are the components of my stereo system. Oh, I think I have a Pioneer Elite receiver, Atlantic Labs THX Home Theater Sound System, a JVC all-region DVD player, a CD burner (one of the first ever made) an Otari Pro DAT player, and some other stuff. Also, in the bedroom, another CD burner, Westlake Audio Pro Reference speakers and a combo laser/dvd player.
Well, what an excellent selection of questions they were. I’m afraid I have a spot of sad news: Luck run out for Luckie and me and I had to give her away to an adoption home. The whole situation was getting worse, not better. Perhaps she somehow blamed me for not being with her original family. However, in talking to them they finally admitted that she has always had this problem in one form or another – they were fine with it because they kept her outside most of the time. So, something happened to her early on that was so ingrained and deep-seated there was no undoing it, at least I couldn’t. Whether with love and non-punishment or with punishment, she just couldn’t “get” it, and by mid-week, her normal ebullience at going out for a walk had changed into one of fright, so one couldn’t even get her to come to her usual beloved spot in the kitchen where her leash was without her peeing all the way. For whatever reasons, it just wasn’t a match that was ever going to work. I tried to deal with it as best I could, tried to be patient, but this last turn of events was the straw that broke the Kimmel’s back and, even though it wasn’t an easy decision, it was one I had to make.
Well, dear readers, I must take the day, I must do the things I do, I must run many errands, get things printed, pick up laundry, pack – a never-ending litany of details to attend to before a car picks me up at six-thirty in the morning. Tomorrow’s notes will be very short indeed as I will have very little time to write them, but I know you’ll understand. Today’s topic of discussion: Taking the lead from one of today’s questions – what websites or newsgroups do you regularly visit on the Internet and which are your favorites and least favorites? Post away, my pretties, and post often and long.