Well, dear readers, it is April, a time for merriment and mirth and laughter and legs. I always feel like a fool on the first day of April, why is that? I’m sitting here, feeling like a fool, skipping merrily around playing the pan flute. Have you ever skipped around playing the pan flute? It is most amusing and people look at you askance, which is always a plus in my book (Chapter 6 – It’s Always a Plus When People Look at You Askance). This is a day to sing foolish songs such as, These Foolish Things, What Kind of Fool Am I?, Poor Little Fool, The Fool on the Hill and Fool’s Rush In. Yes, Virginia, it is April Fool’s Day, a day to be foolish and pull merry pranks on people. You must spend the entire livelong day pulling merry pranks on people. And if they take exception to this you must hit them in the head with a sausage. That will teach the humorless dolts. What the hell am I talking about?
Last night I was in a neo-realist mood, so I watched a Vittorio De Sica film entitled Shoeshine. It was quite neo-realistic and it satisfied my neo-realist mood quite well. It was very sad and very well done, but I didn’t like it as much as Mr. De Sica’s neo-realist The Bicycle Thief. I then was in a neo-crime thriller mode, so I watched Mr. Sergio Sollima’s film entitled Revolver, starring Mr. Oliver Reed and Mr. Fabio Testi. It was a strange neo-crime thriller from 1975, but the strangest thing of all was that Mr. Oliver Reed was dubbed by another actor – the film was entirely dubbed into English, and yet another actor, an American, dubbed Mr. Oliver Reed. What were the producers thinking? Did they think the American public didn’t know what Oliver Reed sounded like? It was very distracting in a neo-crime thriller sort of way. The film does sport a rather interesting score by Mr. Ennio Morricone.
I want to pull a merry prank on someone. I can think of quite a few candidates who would be worthy of a merry prank, oh, yes, I can think of quite a few candidates. I wish to hit someone in the head with a sausage, and yes, I can think of quite a few candidates for that, too. Whilst pulling the merry pranks and hitting with the sausage I would like to play the pan flute whilst skipping merrily about like a whirling dervish. Yes, I want people to look at me and say, “Why, there goes a whirling dervish and that whirling dervish is pulling merry pranks and hitting people in the head with a sausage whilst playing the pan flute.” Oh, how I love April Fool’s Day. Well, why don’t we all click on the foolish Unseemly Button below so we can do more of these foolish things which, by the way (BTW, in Internet lingo) remind me of you.
Damn it, I want to hit someone in the head with a sausage. Damn them, damn them all to hell. Listen, fools, if you haven’t heard Donald’s brand spanking new radio show featuring Maury Yeston, what are you waiting for? To be hit in the head with a sausage? And don’t forget our Unseemly Live Celebrity Chat with Miss Alison Fraser, tomorrow night at six o’clock Pacific Mean Time.
Today I think I’ll put on some Speedos and parade up and down the streets of Studio City like so much fish. Won’t that be foolish? That should bring gales of merriment and mirth and laughter and legs. Yes, I shall parade up and down the streets of Studio City wearing nothing but Speedos, whilst I merrily hit assorted passersby in the head with a sausage.
Well, dear readers, I must take this foolish day, I must do the foolish things I do, I must make foolish phone calls, and do foolish errands, and give two foolish last-minute corrections on my book, and then I must eat foolish foodstuffs as I sup with our very own foolish Miss Tammy Minoff. Today’s foolish topic of discussion: It’s April Fool’s Day so today’s posts must all be foolish and outlandish and small and funny and fine. You may submit your best April Fool’s posts and we shall read them and we shall laugh and laugh until the cows come home and after the cows come home we shall laugh some more. Post away, my pretties and do your foolish best.