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May 15, 2003:

THE RENTAL CAR

Bruce Kimmel Photograph bk's notes

Well, dear readers, you won’t believe it – I can barely believe it myself and yet it is undeniably true: I, BK, am currently driving something called an SUV (Stupid Ugly Vehicle). Yes, you heard it here, dear readers, I, BK, am driving something called an SUV. As you know, yesterday I chose a Body Shop and took my car in to get fixed. I was then driven to a car rental facility approved by the person’s insurance company who is paying for all this. I told them that I wanted to drive something that was the equivalent of my automobile. They said that because I didn’t have a reservation, they didn’t really have anything appropriate and would I be happy with a brand spanking new Tahoe SUV. Since I had no choice I said sure. The Tahoe SUV is large. It’s a big-boy car. It’s mammoth. One sits up very very high and I find it all very unnerving. It does have a nice sound system, though, and I have figured out how to drive it, at least the basics. The car rental agency gave me no help in that regard – they just put me in the thing and off I went. I don’t think I would ever want to own one of these SUV things – it’s just too big and unwieldy – ooh, there’s our Jerry Lewis word again – quick, everyone put on their best Jerry voice and here we go: One, two, three – unwieldy.

We’ve confirmed Mr. Brent Barrett for our upcoming CD and we’ve added Miss Sharon McNight and Miss Michelle Nicastro to our merry troupe of players. As you know, Miss Dorothy Loudon had to bow out due to illness, and I’m still trying to replace her (I have a rather wicked idea, but we shall see if it works out). Meanwhile, the trip is booked, the studio is booked – we’ll be recording over a two day period at the end of the month. I wanted to record over a two day comma or, at the very least, a two day semi-colon but no, they’re making me record over a two day period. Go know.

Well, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below because don’t we have excellent questions to answer? We do, and we shall, not necessarily in that order.

Well, let’s get right to your questions because I must go out soon and drive around in the Stupid Ugly Vehicle.

William E. Lurie asks if Vinnie will be working on the new CD we’re doing. Yes, if he’s available, he’ll be working on it doing the mix. Is there any connection between me and The Kimmel Center in Philadelphia? Only that they stole my name, just like that butt cheek comic Jimmy. Where do these people come from – from out of the woodwork, that’s where they come from. Do I know who’s producing Debbie Gravitte’s new CD “Big Band Broadway”? Debbie has been talking about that CD for four years – I have no idea if it’s done or not done. I think it was a project of a Broadway drummer named Mike something (sorry, can’t remember), although she was also talking to Paul Gemignani about doing a CD, but I don’t think that was the same. Debbie and I had talked about doing another but you all know what happened. What was my most disappointing theatrical experience – a show I was really looking forward to and then didn’t like at all? Hmmm – well, I had hopes for Big and it was pretty dreadful, and I really wanted to like the revival of The Music Man and I just thought it a bore (except for Rebecca Luker, who I thought did a terrific job). I went in expecting to love Mack and Mabel and most certainly didn’t – I’m sure there are others, too.

Jrand52 asks if I consider the multi-talented Miss Debbie Reynolds primarily a singer-dancer who acts or an actress who sings. I think she does all of the above very well – she can do comedy, drama, musicals and she’s most often delightful doing them. What is my favorite Debbie Reynolds film? Oh, she was tops in Singin’ in the Rain and Tammy and the Bachelor, but I also like her in Whatever Happened to Helen? and some of her silly comedies from the sixties, like The Gazebo.

Arnold M. Brockman has understood that the price of CDs and DVDs were headed downward, and yet, prices, if anything, have gone up. What is my feeling about this, and how much does it cost to make an average CD and DVD and what is the mark-up for both the manufacturer and for the retailer. Even thought MusicGuy answered these questions in a post yesterday, I’ll reiterate what he said. I think you would be shocked at how little profit there is to be made, even at the high retail prices. The CD itself with the printing of the booklet (for bulk orders) is less than a buck. However, it’s what’s on the CD that’s expensive – for example, a typical Kimmel album, one with an orchestra and multiple vocalists and/or a solo vocalist costs around forty thousand dollars to record and master. And that is cheap compared to most major labels – for instance, a person at Sony told me that Kristin Chenoweth’s album cost over $300,000. They probably sold 10,000 copies at most, would be my guess (they may have shipped more, but I’m talking actual sales). Of course a major label has no middle men, so if the list price is 18.99, the stores are charged around twelve bucks. In the case of a smaller label that’s distributed by a major, the major takes a distribution fee. I can tell you that what Varese Sarabande was clearing on a CD was not very much, under seven bucks. On a $40,000 album we would have to sell at least 7,000 units to cover all the costs (barely) and that is a lot of units for a niche product. Rock albums, of course, can and do cost upwards of a million dollars. So, while it looks like there’s a huge disparity between manufacturing cost and retail price, there really isn’t, once one adds in the production costs, the marketing, the overhead and the manufacturing. Occasionally you strike gold, like we did with my Titanic album, which sold upwards of seventy thousand copies and cost $40,000 to record. That made Varese a lot of money. The same thing applies to DVD – it’s not the manufacturing that’s expensive – it’s the cost of the transfer, the extras, the licensing, all of it very pricey.

Laura was leant a copy (by Kerry and MusicGuy) of The Encyclopedia of Bad Taste, which has leopard spots prominently displayed on the cover. Do I think that was a subtle hint? A subtle hint that what? That you are a leopard? That you wear leopard skin undergarments or outer garments? That you are a big-game hunter? What?

Phil asks who I enjoy more – Rodgers and Hart, or Rodgers and Hammerstein. Impossible to choose because they both have so many songs I like – I would, however, give the edge to Mr. Hammerstein. May Phil audition to sing in the ensemble along with dear reader Jason for Judy Kaye’s song? But of course.

Matt H asks if there were any Tony nominations that particularly pleased or displeased me. Well, I haven’t seen much this season (I’ll be seeing at least one show when I come in) so I don’t know enough about the shows to be upset, except for the omission of our very own Kerry Butler. That deserves a major bitch-slap.
S. Woody White asks if was given the opportunity to produce and direct a series of concerts, each dedicated to the music and lyrics of a composer or songwriting team, who would I particularly like to honor. Well, I would love to do that kind of thing, and I happen to think I would do it very well – much like my compilation albums. I would do concerts of Livingston and Evans, Gene de Paul and collaborators, Bock and Harnick (although Noel Katz is doing one of his own right now), Jule Styne and collaborators, Schmidt and Jones, Bacharach and David (yes, Virginia, I would and it would be good), Randy Newman, Jerome Kern and Cy Coleman.

MusicGuy asks why I, as a child of Los Angeles, ultimately decided to settle in the San Fernando Valley. Because the neighborhoods that I would care to live in in Los Angeles are far too pricey at this point. I originally moved to the valley because I married a valley person and it just sort of happened. After my deevorce, I moved to a street just off Cahuenga Blvd. West which was technically Los Angeles, then I moved to a small house down the street from Paramount, then I moved to Santa Monica, where I lived for seven years, until the commute to Varese, which is in Studio City, got to be too much, and I finally moved back to the valley. Whew. Did the real-life equivalent of Grandpa Gelfinbaum actually operate a game or ride at Ocean Park Pier? He operated a stand just like the one in the book – the book version is called Wheel o’ Fortune – in real life it was called Wheel-O.

William F. Orr asks if my memory fails me as to who wrote So Touch Me, I’m You in the audition sequence of Nudie Musical. Apparently, on the commentary track I indicate that Alan Abelew improvised it on the set. I think what I said was that that’s how Alan remembers it. I remember giving it to him on the spot – the truth probably lies somewhere in between. If Nudie were made today, the Schlong character could probably have his “special” part digitized. Do I have any comment? I think it would not be as funny to actually see the thing, but I could be wrong. In the stage version, I have devised some clever things to deal with that very problem.

Well, dear readers, I must take the day, I must do the things I do, I must go hither and thither and even yon and I must do so in an SUV whilst sitting very very high. Today’s topic of discussion: What was your very first car – describe the vehicle and how you got it, and then tell us your worst car story. I’ll be back later to read your excellent posts, so post away, my pretties.

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