Well, dear readers, I am up very early again on account of the fershluganah singing bird. This bird’s internal clock is askew I tell you, simply askew. It arrives nightly at midnight, begins singing show tunes and doesn’t shut up until it is sure that I have gotten no sleep whatsoever. Once I resign myself and get up, it immediately takes a nap. And, of course, during the day it’s nowhere to be seen or heard (of course not, it has to sleep sometime). I don’t really know what to do, but I was so frustrated last night, that I actually went outside in my Nike shorts and located the tree the bird was in, and I shook the tree in anger, and tried to tell the bird that I needed to get some sleep. In return, the bird sang the entire score to The Pajama Game. I mean, what can you do but lie in your bed like so much fish?
I am now so overtired I can’t even see straight. Yes, you heard it here, dear readers, I only see crooked now. I know this will result in my getting sick – that is what happens when you lose this much sleep. I must find some of the sleep I’ve lost, and I must figure out how to ignore the fershluganah bird. Tonight, if, as usual, it appears at midnight, I will go outside and tell it the story of The Randy Vicar and the Sprinkler Valve. That will teach it a lesson.
I really don’t know what the hell I’m talking about, do you, dear readers? I can barely keep my eyes open – it is now five in the morning and I shall finish these here notes and then go try to get even two or three hours more sleep. Later today, I must go rehearse with Miss Katherine Helmond and I don’t want to look like a wizened old rabbi, which is what I currently look like.
I enjoyed our late night fashion posts, and if anyone missed them (you know who you are, you errant and truant people who are really going to be bitch-slapped from here to eternity for making our incredible Monday stats turn into our not-so-incredible Tuesday stats). We must all pull our weight, don’t you know. I just pulled my weight – it is very difficult to pull one’s own weight, don’t you know. Perhaps we should have daily late-night fashion posts, or even daily fashion posts that are updated as the day and evening goes along. Yes, I think that is a fine idea – for example, I am currently wearing very fashionable bags under my eyes, my Nike shorts, a “What is it, fish?” t-shirt and nothing else.
Well, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below because I really must try to get a few hours of blessed sleep.
Well, dear readers, I am up very early on account of the fershluganah singing bird. Wait a minute – didn’t I already write that? That’s how tired I am – I started writing the first part of these here notes all over again. My allergies are also bothering me and I wish they’d stop. I don’t bother my allergies so why my allergies feel the necessity to bother me is anyone’s guess. Why it’s “anyone’s” guess is anyone’s guess.
I am sneezing and my throat is itchy and I’m very concerned about getting sick – I love the singing bird, make no mistake about it, but right now I’d like to get a shotgun and send it to bird heaven. Oh, that’s cute – the bird is now singing Maltby and Shire’s Miss Byrd.
Well, dear readers, I must take the day, I must do the things I do, I must sleep, I must meet Katherine Helmond, I must write, and I must sleep. Have I mentioned that I must sleep? Today’s topic of discussion: It’s Ask BK Day, the day in which you get to ask me your excellent questions. So, ask away, and discuss anything else your collective hearts desire, and don’t forget your fashion report. I’ll check back in a bit. Post away, my pretties.