Well, dear readers, tomorrow begins the 4th of July weekend. Tomorrow there will be fireworks and banging and dogs will be quaking and shaking because of the banging and clanging and the sky will be ablaze and the whole thing will simply be too too. Now, I forget – last year was the 4th of July on a Thursday? And if so, was that how the long weekend worked – Thursday through Sunday? And did we celebrate the 4th on the 4th? It all gets very confusing, these holidays. How does the long weekend work this time? Friday through Sunday? That is a shorter weekend than last year. Or is it Friday through Monday? I would hate to think we have a shorter long weekend than a longer long weekend just because the 4th is on a Friday rather than a Thursday. Will some wise sage let me know how this works because I don’t want to have a shorter long weekend if I’m supposed to have a longer long weekend and conversely I don’t want to have a longer long weekend if I’m supposed to have a shorter long weekend because that would be unseemly. What the hell am I talking about?
Last night I watched a motion picture on DVD entitled The Tenant, directed by Mr. Roman Polanski back in 1976. I’d only seen this film once before, on VHS video and while I enjoyed it I didn’t think it all that great. Seeing it now in a pristine and beautiful enhanced widescreen transfer I must amend my views on the film, because it’s one of Mr. Polanski’s best, and that’s saying something. It’s very much in the Repulsion mode, with a bit of Rosemary’s Baby thrown in (mostly atmosphere). It’s strange, it’s mordantly amusing at times, and Mr. Polanski’s direction is terrific, as is the camerawork of Mr. Ingmar Bergman’s very own Sven Nykvist. The score, by Philippe Sarde, is quite brilliant. Mr. Polanski stars in the film as well, and his performance is great and should have been up for an Academy Award. He is virtually never off the screen and he delivers a performance of amazing complexity. The only downside to this film is some less-than-stellar dubbing for the secondary characters. The film was shot in France, but all the French actors are dubbed – why is a mystery. It’s unnerving to hear dubbed voices for actors we know, like Isabelle Adjani and Claude Dauphin. They both speak English and are, in fact, clearly speaking English in the film – so why their voices had to be dubbed who knows. If you’re looking for a slightly different viewing experience, I’d say take a chance on this – it’s really creepy. Not quite the “thriller” that the packaging trumpets, but a really chilling mood piece of someone slowly losing his sanity.
Well, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below because don’t I have some excellent questions to answer? And don’t we have to ascertain just how long this long or not long weekend is? We do and we shall.
Why we’ve got a veritable plethora of questions I tell you. I’d better start answering them right this very minute or I’ll be here answering them until the cows come home.
Jose asks what is my favorite salty snack? Pretzels I guess. Are pretzels salty enough? Or should I say salt water taffy? What is my favorite sweet snack? Changes daily, but right now I’m sort of on a sour gummies tear, thanks to dear reader William E. Lurie. What is my favorite sour food and/or drink? Do not drink anything that’s sour – food, see above. Chocolate, vanilla or strawberry – or Neapolitan? Chocolate, always. When was the last time I had Parisienne Cake? Two weeks ago at the Glendale book signing, although they were out of the yellow cake version, so we had the chocolate cake version which was good but not as good.
S. Woody White asks if I’ve ever wanted to direct a videotaping of a play and if so what titles would I like to tackle? I’d love to videotape a musical, just to show it can, in fact, be done well. Straight plays – I’d love to tape a great production of Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf, and I think it would be grand fun to tape Murray Schisgal’s Luv if it were ever revived. And The Odd Couple, too. Musicals – well, Follies, of course, but only in a dream production with a dream cast. What Sondheim shows would I recommend to a Sondheim newbie? Oh, A Little Night Music, Company, Merrily We Roll Along, are all good and traditional musical theater scores. If they’re really feeling adventurous they could also start with Sweeney Todd.
William E. Lurie says that in this day and age a person can work for years on Broadway, be a Tony winner and still not be known to the general public unless they’ve done film or television. Do I feel that people like Michele Pawk, Brent Barrett, Debbie Gravitte or Karen Ziemba need to take time off from their stage careers and work in sitcoms in order to return to Broadway as easier-to-sell names? Hard to say. Of the names you mention only Michele strikes me as someone who might work in sitcoms. Brent, of course, has done soap operas, and Debbie and Karen have done those PBS type shows, but I just don’t see them being cast in sitcoms. I could be wrong of course. It is shocking that people can work all the time, win awards, and still remain unknown, but it’s the sad fact of Broadway no matter how popular the show. Marissa Jaret Winokur just won a leading lady Tony, is in the most popular show on Broadway, and I would venture to say if you went up to ninety-nine percent of the population of the US no one would know who she was.
Jay has this scenario: I arrive at the theater to see a show. My seat is in the center of the orchestra and many fellow playgoers are already seated in my row. The legroom situation is tight and I need to make my way past my fellow playgoers to get to my seat. As I do so, do I face my fellow playgoers so they have a close-up view of my crotch, or do I face away from them so they have a close-up view of my butt cheeks? Well, I don’t think I’ve ever entered a row in a theater so that my crotch is facing my fellow theatergoers – they get my butt cheeks whether they like it or not. However, when I enter a restaurant I always enter crotch first.
Ben asks how I come up with a title for a CD? Well, there are two or three ways to go about it. The album can be self-titled – just the singer’s name (presuming it’s a vocalist album). Or it can have the singer’s name and then a title as well. For that I will usually choose a song from the album that works well as a title – that has a feel and somehow evokes what the album is. Or, if it’s dedicated to a specific composer I will sometimes just do the simplest thing, like The Alan Jay Lerner Album. For the compilation albums, I just try to think of something clever – like Unsung Musicals or Lost in Boston, both of which came to me rather quickly. Sometimes, though, I just try to think of something that’s both clever and which tells what the album is, like Michelle Nicastro’s Toonful.
TCB asks as an audience member what was the most memorable night I’ve ever had in the theater? I would have to say seeing the original production of Follies. Nothing before or since has topped the feeling I had seeing that show. It was the most complexly staged and acted show I’ve ever seen – breathtaking, really, and utterly magical in every way, from the lighting to the sets and costumes. It was, in short, a once-in-a-lifetime experience.
Jrand52 asks in a stock or touring company of a musical, do I think it’s all right to change the material if a star is involved? No, I don’t, but it’s done all the time. I suppose maybe one little in-joke might be okay, but that’s it. I saw this awful non-union tour of Grease here at the Greek Theater, with my pal Cindy Williams (and Eddie Mekka). At one point, Eddie and Cindy look at each other and do the standard “Don’t I know you” bit. That was okay, but five minutes later he was saying, “Surely you don’t mean that” and she replied, “Yes, I do, and don’t call me Shirley.” I mean, we all cringed.
Sarah asks how do you solve a problem like Maria. Well, when Maria is being a problem I simply sing They Call the Wind Maria. This drives her crazy. That usually solves the problem and then we do a quick chorus of “You say Maria and I say Maria, You say Sophia and I say Sophia, Maria, Maria, Sophia, Sophia, let’s call the whole thing fish. Have I seen Thoroughly Modern Millie on Broadway? Nope. Am I a fan of the Star Trek series? Truthfully, I have never seen an episode of Star Trek all the way through. I do like a couple of the films, though. When I write, do I write or type? Mostly type – I find I do better when typing. I do keep legal pads all over the house, in every room, in case inspiration hits me. Why does inspiration hit me? What did I ever do to inspiration, I’d like to know? Damn them, damn them all to hell. Do I think the youth of today is boring, lazy, active, informed, stupid, annoying, fun, full of potential? Well, certainly some of the youth of today have good qualities, yourself included. But, like with every generation (only a bit worse today because standard have reached an all-time low), there are scads of youth that just are selfish, stupid and filled with no ambition whatsoever except to make easy money or just to sit around and not do anything at all, except surf the Internet and play video games. I also think fashion for young people has hit an all-time low as well, with them low jeans and them thong underpants, and those big baggy outfits for the men. I mean, do these people actually look in the mirror and think they look good? Do I believe what goes up must come down? Well, mostly yes, but I’ve heard that the drug Viagra does wreak a bit of havoc with that theory.
MBarnum asks if there was any film or television role I auditioned for and really wanted but didn’t get. Sure, tons. I really wanted to do the series Richie Brockelman, Private Detective, and I had several good readings for it, but it went to the talented Dennis Dugan. I was up for the part Dudley Moore eventually played in Foul Play with Chevy Chase and Goldie Hawn. This was pre Chevy’s casting – once he was cast I had no shot because of our similar looks. Conversely, was there any role I got that I wished I hadn’t done? Not really. I’ve never done anything that is truly embarrassing.
Maya asks what book, play or movie would I like to see musicalized the most? Well, I have several choices, none of which I will mention because someone will steal the idea. Okay, I’ll mention one: Fellini’s Variety Lights. There is a great musical in this film, and I know just how it should be done.
Emily asks what book, play or movie would I least like to see musicalized? Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf certainly. And Long Day’s Journey into Night. And Hamlet – oh, wait, they did it, didn’t they?
MusicGuy asks if I wouldn’t mind letting him know what the real-life first names of Ernie and Minnie, Benjamin Kritzer’s parents, were. It’s there in the dedication – Eddie and Mitzi. The conceit of the book was that everyone who was based on a real character got their real initials – I only cheated once with Grandpa and Grandma Gelfinbaum, where they have the opposite first initials – she has his and he has hers.
TCB asks if there’s a way to know if there is going to be more than one touring company of Thoroughly Modern Millie, because he really wants to see our very own Juliana A. Hansen. As far as I know, there is only the one company going out, so you are safe.
Anna asks if I have a favorite day of the week. Like a lot of people, I am partial to Fridays. And Sundays.
Matt H. asks which of the new Chaplin releases, The Gold Rush, Modern Times, The Great Dictator and Limelight, is my favorite? Of those, I would say Limelight, followed by The Gold Rush. Which other Chaplin movie would I have rather seen in this first collection? City Lights, my favorite of all Chaplin films, followed by either The Circus, or The Kid.
Michael Shayne asks how One From Column A came to be and what happened to it? One From Column A, the column I wrote on the Sondheim site (under the name The Real A) came about because I’d been posting there under that name, and people liked my posts, and one day Mr. Mark Bakalor said that I should just do a column. I thought about it and said yes. It was a once-a-week affair, and it took about ten columns for me to find the proper voice and tone for it. I did it for two years, week in and week out, and it had a very loyal and large following, especially with young people. The best part for me was that many bits of the Kritzer saga had dry runs in that column. After the Sondheim: A Life book came out, I said that Meryle Secrest’s next book would be The Real A: A Life, and that’s where I told quite a few of the anecdotes that eventually found their way into the novels (in quite different form, though). At some point, I just tired of doing it (it was a very long and involved column) – then I did some sporadic columns, but that wasn’t even fun, so I just stopped. What five songs would best describe Bruce Kimmel? Pick Yourself Up, Look for the Silver Lining, Let Me Sing and I’m Happy, No One Is Alone, and Put on a Happy Face. And I’m sure that list would change daily. But, you get the idea – I’m a cockeyed optimist – oh, a Rodgers and Hammerstein reference.
My goodness that was a veritable plethora, wasn’t it? The cows actually came home, had a bite to eat, and then went out again. Those darn cows.
Well, dear readers, I must take the day, I must do the things I do, I must prepare for a longer long weekend or a shorter long weekend, I must prepare for our haineshisway.com celebration, I must write and I must do whatnot. Today’s topic of discussion: Let’s use Michael Shayne’s question – what songs would you say best describe yourself? And, topic two, what are your favorite Chaplin films? Post away, my pretties and I will be checking back often.