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September 8, 2004:

A HOUSE IS NOT A HOME

Bruce Kimmel Photograph bk's notes

Well, dear readers, let’s get right to the point, shall we? Yes, I feel we should get right to the point because I’ve been skirting the point for weeks. Yes, Virginia, I’ve been skirting the point for weeks – not pantsing the point for weeks or even muu-muuing the point for weeks, no I’ve been skirting the point for weeks. As you know, I’ve been writing about my home environment travails for the past two weeks. The reason for this burst of activity is because two months ago I decided to sell my home. I decided this for a variety and also a Hollywood reporter of reasons. I’ve gone through this before, but I got to feeling that I wanted to unburden myself of the huge mortgage payments that I have. I wanted some freedom and I wanted the ability to not work for a couple of years unless I really wanted to – in other words, to take time and smell the roses, do a bit of traveling and perhaps start another novel. I shall not bore you with the reasons that my mortgage payment had grown to such gargantuan size, other than to say that it all dates back to the bad business of two years ago with a certain record label. In any case, I visited a realtor one fine Sunday, and she told me she thought my house would sell in a day and at a premium price. This was not to be, however, because that very same week three articles appeared in various and sundried papers saying that the boom was slowing down and everyone who was considering selling should do so. So, what happened was, that from the time I came in to the real estate office to the time the listing hit five days later, instead of the three houses for sale in my neighborhood, there were twenty-two houses for sale – suddenly, just like that. When that happens, it’s deadly for everyone because suddenly the whole psychology of buyers changes and they think they can take their sweet time and that they have all these choices and can play games. That they did for the first four weeks of the listing. We eventually dropped the price by a fair amount and it sold immediately. They did all the inspections and I, at that point, found out there were some major problems to deal with, specifically in the master bathroom. However, that buyer fell out because the people who were buying his house fell out. That was only a momentary annoyance, though, because two days later we had another offer, which we accepted. And, for the past two weeks, I’ve been dealing with the hellish fixing of the bathroom, which had toxic mold, rotted wood and a broken sewer pipe. They’ll be working around the clock to fix it by the close of escrow, but most of the costs are falling to me, unfortunately. In the meantime, I have to start boxing everything up. Compounding all this tension is the fact that I still haven’t formalized where I’ll be living. It will be one of three houses (I’ll be leasing), all within spitting distance of where I’m living now. My favorite of the three we’re still waiting to hear on. If that doesn’t work out then I’ll choose the one just two blocks up the street. However, the owner has been trying to get the dweebs who’ve been living there out since April. These peckerheads haven’t paid him since April, he’s gone to court, and he believes they’ll be out by Monday. That puts all kinds of pressure on me because on Tuesday the termite people tent my house for three days. Ideally, I’d like to move everything out of here on Monday, but I don’t know that that can happen. Otherwise, it will be Thursday or early Friday of next week. My other house option is further away, in Valley Glen – that house is funky and really charming (it belongs to my real estate lady) but it’s a bit smaller than what I’m used to and I’d have to do some fancy figuring to get it all to work with all my furniture. The plus there is I could move out my stuff anytime, as that house is totally available. The down side is that I’d have to change my phone number, which I’d really rather not do. I hope to make the house decision tomorrow. And there you have the tale and now you know the tension I’ve been living under, all the while while doing our show. That is why I’ve been asking for your continued excellent vibes and xylophones, and they’ve been helpful in keeping me semi-calm and from not totally losing my sanity. Isn’t that exciting? Isn’t that just too too?

Well, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below because I’ve got more to tell you.

A house is not a home. And yet a home is a house and I hope I’ll be happy as a clam whichever house I end up in. Also, a chair is just chair, and a room is still a room. What am I, Hal David all of a sudden?

Now, our very own Mr. Grant Geissman is up for an Emmy Award for writing the theme song to the hit TV show, Two-and-a-half Men. The awards are this Sunday, so we must send him our strongest and most excellent vibes and xylophones. He has promised us he will thank us from the stage if he wins. He’s got some strong competition in Randy Newman, but I have this feeling that he will win the award. So, let’s send him vibes and xylophones daily until the awards on Sunday.

Last night I watched two count them two DVDS – first, Mr. David Cronenberg’s Scanners. I’m quite fond of this film, even though it has a few real gross-out moments. I love the whole feel of it – the camerawork, Carol Spier’s marvelous production design, and Cronenberg’s excellent direction. The transfer is fine, a bit soft occasionally, but basically very nice, especially coming from MGM (yes, Virginia, it’s one of the few they anamorphically enhanced for widescreen TVs). I then watched a nice motion picture from Paramount Studios entitled The Black Orchid, a kitchen sink drama, but very well played by Sophia Loren and Anthony Quinn and newcomer Ina Balin. It’s very well photographed (mostly studio bound), and features a lovely score by Alessandro Cicognini. The film is directed by Martin Ritt, and the screenplay is by Psycho’s Joseph Stefano. I enjoyed it very much.

What am I, Ebert and Roeper all of a sudden? Have I mentioned that a house is not a home and yet a home can be a house unless it isn’t?

Well, dear readers, I must take the day, I must do the things I do, I must deal with plumbers and termite people and I must decide on which house will be mine for at least the next two years. Today’s topic of discussion: It’s Ask BK Day, the day in which you get to ask me or any dear reader any question you like. So, ask away, and let’s have loads of lovely postings, shall we? We shall.

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