Well, dear readers, here we are on a Thursday, as we continue our Countdown to Christmas. I was thinking that now might be a good time for you to give your true love a truly unique gift, say four calling birds. But, I wouldn’t wait too long because four calling birds are proving to be extremely popular this Christmas season, like Elmo, and the Care Bears, and Barney. Yes, some people are giving calling cards, but the smart set is giving calling birds, four of them, to be exact. These birds all come with cellular phones and they call all over the country whilst you watch them with bemusement. I think it’s a fine Christmas gift for one’s true love, and if you haven’t already bought three French hens (Italian hens are sold out), or two turtle doves or the ever-popular partridge in a pear tree, this might be just the ticket for you. Yesterday, we had a perfectly perfect day here in Los Angeles, California, USA. I got most of my writing done in the morning, and then did errands and lounged about for the rest of the day. The pool heater is now working again, although at some point we may have to replace the timer motor (a simple and cheap thing to do). Today, other than trying to do some more writing, I shall send out more Christmas cards, do some more errands, and then have our first work session with Mr. Kevin Spirtas. Isn’t that exciting? Isn’t that just too too?
Last night I watched a motion picture on DVD entitled Collateral, starring Mr. Tom Cruise and Mr. Jamie Foxx. Let me say that I am not a Michael Mann fanatic. I think he’s a competent director, but I have never found any of his films to be more than okay. This film is no different – it’s certainly competent, and Mr. Cruise and Mr. Foxx do fine, but the screenplay is a hopeless mess (what else is new), full of one preposterous scene after another, until you just want to throw your shoe through the screen. When one watches the supplements you see the problem right away. At some point, directors are going to learn that these behind-the-scenes featurettes are not necessarily a good thing. Mr. Mann comes off as a completely pretentious, arty ninny, pontificating how he created this entire life backstory for Tom Cruise’s character – where he lived, what he ate, everything that ever happened to him from the day he was born up until the events of the film. Perhaps, instead of doing that rather idiotic work, he should have been reading the script and trying to figure out how to help it. And, of course, all that posturing about the backstory is totally meaningless – it doesn’t help anything. Mr. Cruise mumbles his lines (I had difficulty understanding seventy percent of the dialogue) and does his part and none of his character’s having been born in Gary, Indiana (I kid you not – Mr. Mann shows pictures of the house he chose for Mr. Cruise’s character’s birth) means anything, except perhaps to Mr. Cruise and Mr. Mann, because it helps them with the Acting. Mr. Mann also hired two people for Miss Jada Pinkett to hang out with – these two people were supposed to be her parents. I mean, honestly, the fact that directors get away with this junk and actors sit there and go, “It’s so brilliant”, is just nauseating in extremis. In any case, it’s a bad movie and one I cannot recommend on any level, unless you want some laughs watching Mr. Mann make an utter fool out of himself.
What am I, Ebert and Roeper all of a sudden? Why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below because four calling birds have just left four messages on my voice mail and I’ve got to return the fershluganah calls.
Well, I just picked up one of the calling bird’s messages. This is what I heard: “When I’m calling you-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo.” What is the calling bird, Nelson Eddy all of a sudden?
I’m already having myself a merry little Christmas – are you? Luckily, I have already gotten all the Christmas gifts I’ll be giving out in a mere week. I’m going to try to get a haircut before my Christmas Eve “do” because my hair has become quite unruly, oh, yes, my hair has become quite unruly.
Well, dear readers, I must take the day, I must do the things I do, I must go hither and thither and even yon, I must write, I must mail cards, I must encourage everyone to buy four calling birds before they are completely sold out, and I must try to be a good boy, food-wise. Today’s topic of discussion: What are your favorite CD releases of the year? Let’s have loads of lovely postings, shall we, whilst we imagine the look of sheer rapture on our true love’s face as she receives four calling birds (and don’t worry – they have a really good calling plan).