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January 31, 2005:

A FIT OF PIQUE

Bruce Kimmel Photograph bk's notes

Well, dear readers, welcome to the last day of January. Yes, Virginia, it is the last day of January and tomorrow will be the first day of February and the year is already flying by, like a gazelle playing Peter Pan. Speaking of gazelles, I had a perfectly perfect day yesterday. The day began with me attending what was originally supposed to be a small gathering of folks from my sixth grade class. The intent was to plan a get-together this summer. But the thing ballooned into a major event, with thirty-five people or more in attendance. We all gathered at the Roll and Rye Deli in the City of Culver. We had a private area in back, where three large tables had been set up. It was a fascinating get-together. The fellow who planned this did the same sort of thing seven years ago, when he managed to get sixty-something of the eighty-something people in my sixth grade class together for a reunion at Roxbury Park. Many of the same people were there yesterday, along with some folks I haven’t seen for forty years. Someone had thoughtfully brought our class photo from 1959. So, even if you didn’t recognize someone you could look at the photo and that might jog your memory. There were several people who’d bought, read, and loved the Kritzer books, and they were all very sweet to me. Additionally, they were telling everyone else to go buy the books immediately. One fellow who I hadn’t seen for forty years was really touched by Benjamin Kritzer (he’s about to read book two) – not just for its portrait of our neighborhood, but because he was totally taken with Benjamin and Susan Pomeroy’s story. It was quite nice to hear. I saw Wendy Shapiro, who lived a mere two doors south of me. I saw my old friend Ron Baum, who I really like – he’s a world-renowned art restorer. We had the best time and we’ll be catching up soon (dear reader Jane knows Ron’s brother Ricky very well). Several people looked pretty damned good (I’d like to think I’m one of them), but several others looked pretty damned old. It’s weird who keeps their youthful appearance and who doesn’t. All in all, it was a lovely way to spend a morning. Isn’t that exciting? Isn’t that just too too?

I then came home, wrote a bit, didn’t like what I wrote, rewrote what I wrote, liked it better and stopped for the day. I then watched a motion picture on DVD entitled, California Split, a film of Robert Altman, starring Elliot Gould and George Segal. I’m no fan of Robert Altman, but I don’t mind California Split too much. It’s about gambling, and I enjoy movies about gambling. There’s too much improvising and scenes just go on and on, but it’s colorful and fun. Now, here is what I did not remember about the film: It’s written by Joseph Walsh. Joseph Walsh happens to be married to someone I went to college with, my pal Barbara Lightstone. Barbara happens to be in this film, although they weren’t together at that point because Mr. Walsh was married to another Barbara in the film, Barbara London (who’s very good in it). There are so many Barbaras in the film, both as actors and characters, that the film carries the amusing dedication, “For Barbara”. The first time I met Barbara’s husband, Joey, I thought there was something really familiar-looking about him. Of course, he was an actor, and he appears briefly in California Split. But that’s not what I recognized him from. I finally figured it out about eight hours after I met him – he was the young boy in Hans Christian Anderson. Isn’t that funny? The transfer of California Split was given low marks by some dope on one of those Internet DVD sites, because he said it looked grainy and grungy. Of course, the transfer could not be better – it perfectly replicates the grainy and grungy way in which the film was photographed. I doubt it looked this good in theaters.

Well, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below so I can tell you of the other DVD I watched.

The other motion picture I watched on DVD is entitled Little Caesar. I’d never actually seen Little Caesar. It’s quite dated, but still very enjoyable, thanks to the electrifying performance of Edward G. Robinson. When impressionists do Eddie G., this is the film they ape. It’s got all his classic little “things” – the “yeah” and those instantly recognizable line readings and grunt and groans. And it contains one of the great lines in all of film – “Mother of mercy, is this the end of Rico?” The transfer is fine – the source material is a litte soft and occasionally battered, but who cares really? The little documentary is just awful – they really need to get new people to do those things if they’re going to do them. I, for one, am just perfectly bored to tears by most of these, and don’t really know what purpose they serve. Some of them are excellent, but most have devolved into the worst sort of cheap talking heads interviews, filled with effete film historians of negligible insight or interest – pompous, non-attractive people who make the silliest pronouncements (the only one I can watch is Rudy Behlmer, who actually knows what he’s talking about and is personable when presenting his information). In the Little Caesar documentary, we get film professors (one of them looks like a wino who wandered in off the street), you get banal “authors” – well, it was unwatchable and I shut it off in a fit of pique. Yes, Virginia, I shut it off in a fit of pique.

What am I, Ebert and Roeper all of a sudden? I also ate quite a bit of potato salad yesterday. I had potato salad for lunch, I had potato salad for dinner, and I had potato salad for a snack. And, in a fit of pique, I had some more potato salad. A Fit of Pique – the title of my new novel.

Now wait just a darned minute. I do believe we’d all better put on our pointy party hats and our colored tights and pantaloons, I do believe we’d all better break out the cheese slices and ham chunks, I do believe we’d all better dance the Hora or the Rhumba, because today is the actual birthday of actual dear reader Michael Shayne. So, let’s give a big haineshisway.com birthday cheer to actual dear reader Michael Shayne. On the count of three: One, two, three – HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ACTUAL DEAR READER MICHAEL SHAYNE!!!

Well, dear readers, I must take the day, I must do the things I do, I must write, I must do errands, I must have a fit of pique, I must eat something other than potato salad, I must drive about in my motor car and I must play songs on the piano. Today’s topic of discussion: What are your favorite snack foods – those food you love to snack on at any time of the day or night. Let’s have detail, let’s have brands, let’s have the whole works. I’m very fond of buttered popcorn. I also go through Dorito’s Cool Ranch phases. I’m very fond of sour gummies. I love red licorice (someone at the get-together brought red licorice in honor of Benjamin Kritzer), and I love chocolate licorice. I also like to snack on cashews and almonds. Your turn. Let’s have loads of lovely postings, shall we, and let’s send January out with a bang. Otherwise, I can assure you, I shall have a fit of pique.

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