Well, dear readers, the first week of January has finally begun. It finally feels like the right day – Monday, for example. I, for one, am glad it feels like Monday, because Saturday and Sunday sure didn’t feel like Saturday and Sunday. We are back on track, day-wise, and I’m so happy I’m flitting about like a gazelle on a Frisbee. Yesterday, I had quite a relaxing day, doing this and that and also that and this. I used my new neck massager and it was quite nice. I had dinner at my friend Barbara Deutsch’s home environment, and we had lots of fun. In attendance was Kevin Spirtas and Mark, myself, Barbara’s friend Allison and her husband (Allison is pregnant), and son Sam with girlfriend Natalie (who read Writer’s Block and professed to love it – she’s starting the Kritzer trilogy now). I like intimate dinner parties where you can actually converse with people. Many jokes were told – I even told the banana-in-the-ear joke. I then came home and did quite a bit of nothing. Isn’t that exciting? Isn’t that just too too?
I have watched a home-grown DVD entitled Screaming Mimi, starring Miss Anita Ekberg and Mr. Phil Carey. It’s based on a fine novel by the great Fredric Brown, but unfortunately the film doesn’t do it much justice. It’s well-directed by Gerd Oswald, who made the film of another great novel, Ira Levin’s A Kiss Before Dying. Mr. Oswald also directed many of the best Outer Limits shows. But, Screaming Mimi is extremely low-budget and it just lumbers along, all shot on the back lot of Columbia. The two most interesting things about it are the presence of the one and only Gypsy Rose Lee, looking faboo, and sporting a Lesbian lover (rather daring to even imply this in the mid-fifties), and the score by Leonard Bernstein. What’s this, you say? A score by Leonard Bernstein for some totally forgotten C-movie? Well, not quite – Screaming Mimi merely “borrows” Mr. Bernstein’s marvelous score to On the Waterfront. Yes, Virginia, you heard that right. It’s quite strange hearing that music in this film, but hear it we do. I also watched another home-grown DVD entitled Jigsaw, a Universal film, directed by James Goldstone. Another extremely low-budget film, starring Mr. Bradford Dillman and Mr. Harry Guardino. It was made-for-television, but like Mr. Don Siegel’s The Killers (also made-for-television) it was deemed to “raw” for TV and was released to the theaters. It’s ineptly directed, but does have some keen LSD point-of-view stuff. The most interesting thing about the film was the shamelessness of it – it’s a bad remake of a good little movie called Mirage, written by Peter Stone. What’s shameless is that they made this remake barely two years after Mirage. How’s that for chutzpah? I also watched Mr. Sam Lembeck’s first student film, which I quite liked. It’s six minutes long and was far more entertaining and interesting than The Aviator. In other word, it achieved its goals.
Speaking of chutzpah (and who wasn’t?), why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below because I think I shall now actually unpack my Powerbook and get it ready for Mr. Mac Man.
You know what I was thinking? Of course you don’t – how could you? Oh, we’re prescient here at haineshisway.com but we’re not mind readers. Well, here’s what I was thinking: We’ve done so many interesting things here; we’re really the first of our kind in many many ways – unique on all the Internet. And yet, we haven’t done something truly unique, that no other website has done. So, I’ve decided we need to have a haineshisway.com wedding. We need two hainsies/kimlets to meet, and get married right here on this here website. For example, Jed is quite a womanizer; perhaps he can meet someone and get married here at haineshisway.com. I think MattH is single – perhaps he can get married here at haineshisway.com. Or how about Ann? How about Ann and Jed? How about elmore? How about PennyO? How about PanniO? How about Panni’s darling daughter RachelO? How about TCB? So many possibilities, and, of course, if we have any Mormons here they can marry multiple people. I’m very excited about the possibility of a haineshisway.com online wedding. Even if two people don’t really like each other they can get married anyway, then have it annulled. Yes, Virginia, we can not only have the first online wedding, we can have the first online annulment. So, who will be the first to say I Do! I Do!? I know who will be the first to say I Don’t, I Don’t, but that’s another story for another day. Well, there you are, I’ve said it and I’m glad. Now watch other websites try to beat us to the punch. But we shall get to the punch first and we shall drink all the punch and then there will be no punch and we shall laugh and laugh.
If we have a wedding here, I shall be Best Man, and wear a Tuxedo. We shall have maids of honor, including she of the Evil Eye. We will dance the Hora and we will break a piñata. It will be the wedding of the decade. And, of course, the bridal bouquet will be thrown. Who will catch it? I’m so excited I’m like a gazelle on a rollercoaster.
Well, dear readers, I must take the day, I must do the things I do, I must, for example, go rehearse with Mr. Kevin Spirtas, then lunch with our very own Juliana A. Hansen, then come home and wait for Mr. Pool Man (but only if the rain has abated), who has to fix the timer on the heater and pump, which has given up the ghost. Today’s topic of discussion: What do you think of our new idea for a haineshisway.com wedding and how would you handle the decorations and the party? Details, we need details. Real topic of discussion: Just because we haven’t had this discussion in over two years, and because it was so much fun last time, and because we have so many new folks – what was the first computer you ever had. Tell us what features it had, and how you first connected to the Internet. Let’s have loads of lovely postings, shall we, whilst we contemplate the first haineshisway.com bride and groom (or groom and groom, or bride and bride).