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January 6, 2005:

NOTES IN THE KEY OF B

Bruce Kimmel Photograph bk's notes

Well, dear readers, I’m feeling that today’s notes shall be musical in nature. I feel they should have melody and rhythm and, of course, take place in mountains and lakes and jungles. That would be musical in nature, would it not? I feel we should all sing today’s notes. Just as they are – I’m not going to rhyme or put them in verse, no, we’ll just sing today’s notes like a Jacques Demy movie, like The Umbrellas of Cherbourg. The notes will be through-sung or sung-through, whichever suits you better. And don’t forget the nature part. Our musical notes will be outdoors in the wilderness, sung in lush foliage with bushes, and shrubs, and cute little animals running hither and thither. Are you all singing what you’re reading? I hope so, because today’s notes are musical in nature. Dog-walkers are looking in my window askance because I just sang “Dog walkers are looking in my window askance”. I sang it quite robustly and they were taken aback, apparently, which is, I suppose, better than being taken afront. You know, I have no clew as to what the hell I’m going on about, but I’m enjoying singing these notes nonetheless. The notes, for those who are interested, are in the key of B.

I’m finding that certain functions of the Powerbook are becoming second nature to me. What is all this nature all of a sudden? Musical in nature, second nature – I mean, we have been overrun with nature here at haineshisway.com. Did you all sing those last few sentences? If not, go back immediately and sing them. Sing them robustly so that your neighbors will be taken aback. And when they ask what you are singing, merely say, “I am singing Notes in the Key of B.

I was going to tell you about yesterday but I really can’t remember much of yesterday. Oh, this paragraph is to be sung quite lyrically – after all, this paragraph is a ballad of sorts. If you were singing this paragraph uptempo go back and sing it downtempo. And make certain that it’s in the key of B. In any case, I know yesterday was a day and that I did things, but I can’t remember what. I did get up in the morning; that I remember. Are you singing? I got up, and then I… I… Well, I did ship some packages, and I did pick up some mail. I had to do other things, but I cannot remember, oh, no, I cannot remember.
That was a lovely sung paragraph, wasn’t it? So lyrical and lilting and loquacious. What is loquacious anyway? Certainly loquacious is a stupid-looking word, isn’t it? There is just nothing right about the word loquacious. Although it sings well. You were singing, weren’t you? If not, go back and sing this paragraph, which should be sung as a bouncy “C” even though it’s in the key of B.

Well, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below, because there are more musical notes coming up.

This paragraph should be very atonal. Sort of like a Bartok opera, or a piece by Messian. It should be jagged and ragged and nervous and jumpy and rangy, going from the lowest octaves to the highest octaves in just one or two notes. Are you singing? If not, go back and sing this paragraph from the top, and do it the way you’re supposed to. I feel that some of you technically competent folks should make a recording of you singing your favorite paragraph, then load them into the computer and link to the sound file in a post.

I loved singing that entire last paragraph. I’m sure my neighbors thought I was strangling a gerbil, but I sang it robustly and jaggedly at the same time and it was quite breathtaking in all its drama.

Don’t forget, Donald will have a new radio show up today, and it will be up for the next three weeks, which is when our new season will begin.

Are you singing? That last paragraph was a breezy jazz waltz. Tonight I shall be going to Musso and Frank with our very own Mr. Grant Geissman and family. I intend to have a splendidly splendid meal. I’ll make certain that we sing our orders.

Well, dear readers, I must take the day, I must do the things I do, I must, for example, sing everything I say today, I must do errands, I must drive about in my motor car (singing, of course), and I must then sup with the Geissmans. Are you singing? This last paragraph is a soaring power ballad being written on a soaring Powerbook, so, sing out, Louise. Today’s topic of discussion: What is the craziest thing (or things) you’ve ever done in public? You know, just out-of-control wacky things you’ve done in front of strangers or on the street or in a restaurant or store. Hold nothing back. Let’s have loads of lovely postings, shall we? In fact, let’s all sing our posts, too. On the count of three, everyone in unison: One, two, three – LET’S ALL SING OUR POSTS IN THE KEY OF B! Excellent.

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