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June 23, 2005:

DIRE IRE

Bruce Kimmel Photograph bk's notes

Well, dear readers, here I am, back home in the City of Studio, safe and sound and ready to take a day off at some point in the next few days. I had a lovely time in the Land of Port, and, aside from about five minutes worth of sprinkling, it didn’t even rain. It was lovely meeting all the hainsies/kimlets of the Pacific Northwest, and I had fun being of whatever help I could with the Bacharach revue. Yesterday, I awoke early, showered, and then was whisked off to JMK’s home environment, where I worked with him and Adair. Adair’s co-star, Bruce, was out-of-town on business, so I gave her notes on staging the one number we never got to. We went over every number, and then did specific work on two or three. I think, given the one day we had to get this thing on its feet, that it will go just fine. Adair and Bruce will be working on everything today and tomorrow – running numbers over and over until they’ve got the moves in their bodies. They’ll also be running the patter over and over again until they’ve got it in their heads. Adair had a suggestion for one bit of patter that I thought was very funny and I ended up making it a runner (anyone who knows or has ever worked with me, knows I love running gags). I also met Adair’s two incredibly cute little girls. Upon our arrival at JMK’s home, one of his sons immediately threw up on the floor – this he did with élan (I was in the other room, but I heard every second of it). After he did, he felt better, and JMK was very caring and good with him. I asked for one or two other little fixes in the music, and then I was whisked to the airport. I wanted to get there early so that I’d be certain to be in group A (Southwest doesn’t reserve seats and you board the plane by groups – if you’re not in group A, you usually sit in the back of the plane, which I will not do). Imagine my surprise when they handed me my ticket and it said group B. Imagine my consternation. Imagine my ire. Imagine my dire ire. The ticket lady told me that seventy-eight people had already checked in. I gave her a look that said, “Hey, lady, I’m here more than two hours before the flight, cut me some rye bread here.” She saw the look and then informed me that as of one minute after midnight people can get their boarding passes online. That, of course, did me no good since I had a voucher and had to have that turned into a ticket. While dining on a quesadilla, I made the decision that I would pre-board with the children and the people needing assistance. I simply was not going to be sitting in the back of the plane. So, I put on my best limp, and stood in the pre-board line with a bunch of other people who, to my eye, were doing the same thing. I got my bulkhead aisle seat and all was well. The odd thing is that the two seats next to me remained empty until the very end. The flight was fast (we stopped in Sacramento), and both legs of it were completely sold out, which I also found odd, given the time and day of the flight. Since Jet Blue has just added Portland to their cities, I’m hoping that they’ll fly there direct at some point. I was met at the airport and whisked to the home environment, only to find that the Pool Man had accidentally forgotten to shut off the water when he was filling the pool (he fills it once a week to get it to the level he likes). Luckily, the pool has some sort of overflow stopgap, but it had still overflowed slightly, causing water to run into the garage (I’m hoping nothing got damaged in there – it didn’t look like it at first glance), and even under the back gate onto the street. Thank goodness I got home when I did – I shudder to think what would have happened had my trip been until today or tomorrow.

Last night, I finally watched a motion picture on DVD, which I haven’t been able to do since Saturday. It was entitled House Calls, and starred Mr. Walter Mathhau, Miss Glenda Jackson, Mr. Richard Benjamin, and Mr. Art Carney. That’s a pretty wonderful cast, and they all were wonderful. The film, unfortunately, is almost completely unfunny (it came at the tail end of the 1970s resurgence of the romantic comedy – things like A Touch of Class – very few of which have aged well). I don’t believe it would have been any funnier back in 1978, either. It’s hard to believe that two of the writers on this script were the great Julius J. Epstein and Max Shulman. It’s just forced, and its attempts to be “with it” were and are embarrassing. Transfer is fine – it looks like the grainy 70s film it always looked like.

Well, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below, because I must wrap up these here notes, for early visitors will be a tap-tapping on my door.

Yes, Virginia, early visitors will be a tap-tapping on my door. Adelphia will be arriving to figure out why I am not getting any signal – here is my advance guess: Someone went up on the roof and stole the dish. That is my guess because I looked up there from the patio and I cannot see a dish anywhere on the roof. It could be up there, hidden from my view, but I just think my guess will turn out to be correct. If I turn out to be right, has stealing dishes become a problem? Has that been happening? If so, that causes me to have ire, frankly. It causes me to have dire ire, and I think people who do such nauseating things should be thrown in the hoosegow.

After that happens, I must catch up on many things, I must prepare a series of press releases for Kritzerland, I must pick up a copy of the new book to proof, I must lock in the shipping charge for Kritzerland CDs, whatever it may be, and then, in the evening, I must call the web designer and we shall go over every inch of the site together, so that we can be certain we’re happy with every single thing. Once that happens, we’ll either go live on Friday or Monday. I may have it go live Friday, but only announce it here at haineshisway.com, so you loyal and true hainsies/kimlets can get the first peak at it, and even get your orders in before anyone else. This I would advise anyway, because I’m going to put in some kind of shipping charge and it will probably change and go up when I finally announce the site everywhere else. Besides, those who get their orders in early, may just get a little surprise.

Well, dear readers, I must take the day, I must do the things I do, I must catch up on my writing, I must wait for Adelphia, I must attend to many things, I must pick up the plethora of packages that are hopefully awaiting me, and I must have no ire, especially dire ire. Today’s topic of discussion: I believe dear reader MattH suggested we haven’t done favorite cookie day in quite some time, so – what are your all-time favorite cookies. First, as a child, then as a teen, and then as an adult. And, if you have any cookie recipes you haven’t shared with us, please do so. Let’s have loads of lovely postings, shall we? And let’s have no dire ire, you dear, dear people out there in the dark.

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