Well, dear readers, I must write these here notes in a hurry, for she of the Evil Eye will soon be arriving and I will have to hie myself away from the home environment for a few hours. Therefore, I cannot dilly-dally nor can I dally-dilly, nor shilly-shally nor shally-shilly, for I must get crackin’ willy-nilly or, at the very least nilly-willy. Dilly, shilly, willy, nilly – it’s all so silly. Where was I? Oh, yes, I must write these here notes in a hurry. Isn’t it funny – when you know you have to write in a hurry, that’s the time when nothing comes into your head and you sit there like so much fish thinking, “I must write in a hurry yet nothing is coming into my head and I am sitting here like so much fish.” Well, yesterday I had quite a nice little day. I had a two hour telephonic call with Miss Cindy Williams, trying to lock down a schedule so we can begin work. I donated some Kritzerland CDs for a benefit for hurricane victims. I did a bit of writing. I finally got further on the opening number I’m crafting for the LACC benefit, and I booked a couple of other performers for said benefit. My errant and truant packages have finally started to arrive, so that’s nice. And I ate some wacky foodstuffs from Gelson’s that made me completely nauseous. Every time I get nauseous or have uncomfortable evenings these days, people tell me it’s acid reflux. I don’t even know what that means. Acid reflux sounds like some 60s drug thing, doesn’t it? Hey, man, let’s do some acid reflux tonight, it’ll be groovy, it’ll be mod. Acid reflux is some New Age malady – I don’t think we had acid reflux in the 50s or 60s or 70s or 80s. But, I must not dwell on acid reflux because I am writing these notes in a hurry and, frankly, I’m getting acid reflux just writing about acid reflux, and then I’ll start to have bad acid reflux flashbacks.
Last night I watched two count them two motion pictures on DVD. The first motion picture on DVD was entitled The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance, a film of Mr. John Ford, starring John Wayne, James Stewart, Edmond O’Brien, Woody Strode, Andy Devine, Vera Miles, and, of course, Lee Marvin as the titular Liberty Valance. It’s one of my favorite John Ford films, right up there with The Searchers. You just won’t see better acting in a film, and the story is quite compelling and beautifully told with Ford’s usual complex simplicity. Lee Marvin is great as the dastardly villain of the piece, and Wayne is terrific, as is Stewart. And it’s one of Vera Miles’ finest performances. I do wish that the very long final fifteen minutes moved along a bit better – I really get weary of the whole scene with John Carradine, where they’re figuring out who to elect. It just goes on and on when we really need to get to the Duke’s entrance. Other than that, it’s just a perfect little film in a way that films can no longer be perfect. Directors today don’t seem to know what Mr. Ford knew so well – put the camera in the right place, put the actors in the frame, and tell your story. Seems so simple, yet it is apparently beyond the ken of most of today’s directors. I then watched the second motion picture on DVD, which was entitled Inserts. Inserts was written and directed by John Byrum, and its stars are Richard Dreyfuss, Veronica Cartwright, Bob Hoskins, and Jessica Harper. It’s an odd little film – all shot on one interior set (not one shot in the film takes place outside of the set). Dreyfuss plays a character named Boy Wonder, a washed up film director who makes pornos in his Spanish-style house in the late 20s. There is plenty of nudity, and a LOT of talk – endless talk. However, the most shocking thing in the film is how thin Bob Hoskins was when he made this. The film was given an X rating (I can’t remember if they ultimately made cuts to get an R – they may have). It was made several months after we made Nudie Musical, and I remember getting a frantic call from Dreyfuss, asking how we’d managed to get an R rating with all our language and nudity and the fact that we were making a film about the porno world. He just couldn’t understand how we’d gotten our R. I told him that they’d threatened us with an X and we had to plead our case three or four times. We then deleted one instance of the “F” word (there were plenty left), and one quick shot in the infamous stunt person scene, and that was that. What he didn’t understand was that we were a comedy – there was no sex, and it was all done in a fun spirit. Inserts isn’t fun. It’s tawdry and depressing and strange. All the sex, of course, is quite fake and quite not deserving of an X rating even in its uncut form. The actors all give it their best, but it’s just dreary from start to finish. Interestingly, this is the first time Inserts has ever been available on home video. The transfer is quite nice, and if you’ve ever wanted to know what every nook and cranny of Veronica Cartwright looks like, this is the film for you.
What am I, Ebert and Roeper all of a sudden? Well, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below, because frankly this section is starting to give me acid reflux.
Yes, Virginia, it’s Saturday, which means it is time for our Unseemly Trivia Contest. We really do want all the lazy loafers around these here parts to get off their hainsie/kimlet butt cheeks and make an attempt at this week’s contest. And here it is:
The author of this flop play had several other unsuccessful plays. The author started out as a performer, but turned to playwriting after an accident. This particular flop play was the author’s final Broadway outing and, even though it was announced that it would be filmed by MGM, it never was. The play’s director was prolific on Broadway, and he also helmed the film versions of a few of his shows. The cast featured a young man and a young woman who, just a year later, would star in a film together directed by a young director who would later go on to win an Academy Award. Another young performer in the show would go on to star in one of the most beloved TV series of all time. A character actor in the play appeared in a famous director’s “masterpiece”. And another young lady in the play went on to have a nice motion picture career. So –
Name the author and the play.
Name the play’s director.
Name the young man and young woman who would star in a film together, name the film, and name the young director of the film who would go on to win an Academy Award.
Name the young performer who would go on to star in a beloved TV series, and name the series.
Name the character actor, and name the famous director’s masterpiece that he appeared in.
Name the young actress who went on to have a nice motion picture career.
Remember: DO NOT POST YOUR ANSWERS TO THE SITE. Send them to me at bruce@haineshisway.com (and don’t worry if you get a bounced e-mail notice – I do get the e-mails). You have until Monday at midnight to submit your excellent answers. Good luck to one and all and also all and one.
Today I’m meeting up with someone who attended LACC with me, who I haven’t seen since. After that, I’m attending a little birthday bash for my pal David del Valle.
Well, dear readers, I must take the day, I must do the things I do, I must, for example, leave the home environment for a few hours whilst she of the Evil Eye does her thing, I must then return to the home environment and try to write a little, and do errands before meeting up with the LACC fellow and then toddling off to the birthday bash. Today’s topic of discussion: Whilst in school, what is the best field trip you ever got to take? Let’s have loads of lovely postings, shall we, as we all think about acid reflux and all it connotes.