Well, dear readers, once again a blank page sits before me awaiting words, words, words (that is three words). Every day a blank page sits before me awaiting words. Just once, wouldn’t it be nice if the blank page already had some words on it? But, nooooo, that would be helpful, and why would the blank page want to help little old me? Damn them, damn them all to hell. Well, the blank page is no longer blank. Yes, the blank page has received its daily comeuppance. Take that, blank page. I no longer have a clew as to what the HELL I’m going on about. Speaking of what the HELL I’m going on about, I had quite a busy little day yesterday, but I must say I found it very enjoyable. I woke up at nine, found out the Harvey Schmidt CDs would be ready by eleven, wrote a couple of pages, then went to pick up the CDs. I immediately came back and packaged them all up. I then did a bit more writing, then did some errands whilst driving about in my motor care. Then the fellow from Aron’s Records came over and got the new releases, plus he had to reorder the first two releases for the second time. That’s what we love. Then I toddled off to the postal office, where I had extreme good fortune – there was only one person in line. I was in and out of there quite quickly and all the CDs have been shipped. I then went to my local DVD store and picked up Harry and Tonto and A Guide For The Married Man – I just missed Mr. Hobbs Takes A Vacation by minutes. I then went to sup at Musso and Frank with Sophie, the daughter of my friends, The Jones’s. It was a thank you dinner for her having done me several favors, and we had a very nice time, and we laughed and laughed and just when we thought we could laugh no more, we laughed again. The most interesting things I learned at dinner were that Sophie dislikes cell phones as much as I, and that she doesn’t have a computer at home. We made fun of some other diners’ poor wardrobe choices (I mean, Musso and Frank is a nice restaurant, and yet, here were some young twenty-ish idiots dressed in baggy shorts. If I were the management, I would have booted them right out of there. The food was really yummilicious, and afterwards I took Sophie back to her car at the North Hollywood Subway Station. I then came home and plotzed on my couch like so much fish. I plotzed, do you hear?
Last night, directly after plotzing, I watched a motion picture on DVD entitled A Guide For The Married Man, starring Mr. Walter Matthau, Mr. Robert Morse, and the delectable Miss Inger Stevens, plus a plethora of guest stars. This is one of the worst movies ever made – completely unfunny, smarmy (and I don’t mean because of today’s political correctness – it was smarmy in 1968, too), and a bore. Matthau is always great to watch, but there’s just something very unappealing about Robert Morse on the screen. Inger can do no wrong in my book, but she’s just completely wasted in this film. And speaking of waste, almost every single one of the guest stars is wasted in unfunny, stupid vignettes. Poor Lucille Ball and Sid Caesar and Louis Nye and Phil Silvers and Joey Bishop and Polly Bergin, and even Jack Benny. The only laugh in the entire film is in the vignette with Terry-Thomas and Jayne Mansfield. They cannot find her brassiere and Terry-Thomas is petrified that his wife will find it. Jane, with her ample bosom barely contained by the robe she’s wearing, says (re the missing bra), “Maybe she’ll think it’s hers.” Terry-Thomas looks at the famous Mansfield mounds and the look on his face is just hilarious. That’s it – one laugh in ninety-one minutes. I must say that the film’s director, Mr. Gene Kelly, simply wasn’t very good without Mr. Stanley Donen. The jaunty score is by young Johnny Williams, with the awful title song sung by The Turtles. The transfer is excellent. And the best thing about the film are all the West LA location shots circa 1967, especially the Century City mall – that was considered very modern and forward-thinking when built, and you look at it now and it looks like Main Street in Disneyland.
What am I, Ebert and Roeper all of a sudden? Why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below because I may as well face the blank page that is awaiting me.
Yes, now I must type more words, words, words (that is three words), because I am tired of looking at this blank page. This blank page is skeeving me, frankly or even marvinly.
Today, I must begin shipping the Kevin Spirtas CDs. I must also figure out what I’m doing for food platters. That is a lovely sentence, isn’t it? “I must also figure out what I’m doing for food platters.” I mean, where else on all the Internet can you find such a sentence. I think I’ll call Jerry’s Deli in Studio City and see what their platter deal is. If I get them there, then I’ll have to come back to the Valley after the reunion of my sixth grade class on Saturday afternoon – come back and pick them up and then head over to LACC. That would probably work fine, and the fact is that I hate the Jerry’s that’s more convenient, the one on Beverly Blvd. So, unless I come up with some other bright idea, that’s what I’ll do. I probably will also find out what Gelson’s charges, just to have an option. I must also write at least three or four pages today, so that I will be that much closer to finishing the short story.
Now wait just a darned minute. Maybe we’d all better put on our pointy party hats and our colored tights and pantaloons, maybe we’d all better break out the cheese slices and the ham chunks, maybe we’d all better dance the Hora or the Lambada (The Forbidden Dance) because today is the birthday of William E. Lurie, who has been with us from the start, but who doesn’t come around much these days. So, let’s give a big haineshisway.com birthday cheer to dear reader William E. Lurie. On the count of three: One, two, three – A BIG HAINESHISWAY.COM BIRTHDAY CHEER TO DEAR READER WILLIAM E. LURIE!!!
Well, dear readers, I must take the day, I must do the things I do, I must, for example, do everything in the paragraph above, and I must also pick up some long overdue packages which will hopefully be here today, as well as some long overdue mail that will also hopefully be here today. Today’s topic of discussion: If you could change one aspect of the way this country is run (and not just by ousting any number of people that you’d like to oust), what would be your solution. Now, I realize these topics can get volatile, so play nice, but I’m genuinely interested, given the unrest of the populace these days. I’ll wait to post mine, so you can have the first shot at making our country a better place to live in. Let’s have loads of lovely postings, shall we, whilst we all fill up our collective blank pages with words, words, words (that is three words).