Well, dear readers, here we are, starting a brand spanking new week. And what a way to start, what with our huge Emmy partay yesterday. The fun and the fur was flying all night long, and if you missed any of the merriment and mirth and laughter and legs of this weekend then a) you should bitch-slap yourself from here to eternity and hell and back, and b) you should catch up or, at the very least, ketchup. I, for one, couldn’t have had a more relaxing day yesterday. I was awakened at nine in the morning by a call from a pay phone and a female voice speaking rather irately in Farsi or some such language. I asked what number she wanted, but unfortunately I asked in English, which she didn’t seem to understand, so she kept on speaking irately in Farsi or some such language. I finally yelled back, “What do you want?!” That didn’t work either, so I told her to go get some breakfast and calm down. She hung up. I got up, read the posts, then got back in bed and fell back asleep and didn’t get up until 11:40. I went out and did some shopping, came home, and just lounged about like a gazelle is flip-flops. I was a very good boy, food-wise, and I just sort of watched some DVD bits – no whole films except for a spaghetti western which wasn’t very good and which I don’t feel the need to write about.
Because we were having an Emmy partay, I decided to watch the show, just so I could keep up with the posts. It was completely surreal – I haven’t watched an Emmy broadcast since Jane Krakowski was nominated for Ally McBeal. I haven’t watched a network primetime show save for Alias, in over a decade. Therefore, I knew nothing about any of the nominated series, except for Conan and David Letterman. I didn’t even recognize the names of most of the series. And the clips I saw didn’t really inspire me to want to watch any of them. I’m sure there are many fine series, but, I don’t know, I just can’t go there right now. The show itself was one big bore, with only a couple of amusing highlights. And I’m just done watching self-serving actors get political when giving an acceptance speech. Accept the award, shut up, and get off. We all know what’s going on in the world, we all feel the way we feel, and we don’t need some actor making with the pronouncements accompanied by the woo-hoos of their compatriots. End of rant. The fashions weren’t nearly as fun as the Oscars. There was a nice heartfelt tribute to Mr. Johnny Carson, but the big ovation was for the tribute to Peter Jennings, which was followed by ten minutes of pontificating by Tom Brokaw and one of the other boys who I can’t remember – it just went on and on and it made me nauseous. I have little regard for TV news and newscasters (not talking about Mr. Jennings, who was a bright and articulate person who was done in, as they all are, by what the network news departments dictate), in fact, I have no regard for them – it’s all sensationalism, tabloid news, complete with screaming headlines, dramatic scoring, and rumors reported as fact – and when the “fact” is proven not to be a fact they never apologize for their misinformation. End of rant. No, the real fun of last evening was right here at haineshisway.com. No other message board had the fun and amusement of this here message board and I tell you, frankly, that soon we will be the most popular site on all the Internet.
I think I was doing a little pontificating of my own whilst talking about the Emmys. I was a pontificating me, that’s what I was. Who am I to pontificate whilst raking others over the coals for pontificating? That is just hypocrisy of the highest order. What is the highest order anyway? A triple cheeseburger and a chocolate malted? Well, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below because I’ve had it with the pontificating me. And, I’ve had it with the word pontificating, which is much to hard to type over and over again.
I have been pontificating so damn much I now feel dazed and confused, not necessarily in that order. That’s what watching the Emmys will do. I wanted to see people like Judd Hirsch and Marilu Henner and Cindy Williams and Penny Marshall. I wanted to see clips from Sanford and Son and Chico and the Man and The Name of the Game. Damn them, damn them all to hell.
Today I shall be packaging up some CDs and shipping them out (including the Tower NY order), and I shall be doing many errands, as well as having many important telephonic conversations. I am still in search of a title font for the play – none of the ones I’ve seen have done it for me, and it’s becoming annoying. If anyone would like to submit any font ideas, the title of the play is Deceit. You can send me your ideas to bruce@haineshisway.com (and don’t worry if you get a bounced e-mail notice – I do get the e-mails).
Mr. Walter Willison is in town, so we’ll be getting together at some point soon. I will also be trying to book some more alumni for our benefit show. I finally got a number on Annette Cardona (or Annette Charles professionally) – she was my Rosemary when we did How To Succeed at LACC (Frump was Michael Lembeck, Smitty was Linda Hart, and Hedy was Margo Rogers, Kenny’s first wife). She was in the film of Grease as Cha Cha (I think that’s the name of the character) – she’s a terrific dancer (she was in the national tour of Promises, Promises), and a sweet person.
Now wait just a darned minute. Quick, let’s all put on our pointy party hats and our colored tights and pantaloons, let’s all get out the cheese slices and the ham chunks, let’s all dance the Hora and the frug, because today is the actual birthday of our actual beloved dear reader elmore. So, let’s give an actual big haineshisway.com birthday cheer to one of our favorite dear readers, elmore. On the count of three: One, two, three – AN ACTUAL BIG HAINESHISWAY.COM BIRTHDAY CHEER TO ONE OF OUR FAVORITE DEAR READERS, ELMORE!!!
Well, dear readers, I must take the day, I must do the things I do, I must, for example, begin a new short story, I must do the above-mentioned things, I must drive about in my motor car, I must hopefully pick up many overdue packages, and I must eat something wonderfully wonderful. Today’s topic of discussion: If you could magically create your own ideal season of network TV shows, culled from all the shows from the beginning of TV to now, what would that season consist of? And give us two complete nights of prime time programming – say Thursday night and Saturday night. And let’s do it the way it used to be, with prime time beginning at seven and ending at eleven. Let’s have loads of lovely postings, shall we, whilst I try to never again be the pontificating me.