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October 5, 2005:

KILLER RABBITS

Bruce Kimmel Photograph bk's notes

Well, dear readers, dear reader Hisaka’s whirlwind trip is over and she is currently winging her way back to Japan. She’ll let us all know she’s safe and sound. I have a lot of catching up to do now, and so I shall keep these here notes on the short side. Yesterday, I spent the morning trying to get as much done as possible. I didn’t have any orders to ship (the first time in three weeks), so I wrote, did other necessary errands, and made some important telephonic calls. I gathered up dear reader Hisaka around two-thirty. We were both hungry, so I took her to the Cheesecake Factory, where we were joined by our very own Mr. Grant Geissman. We all had a splendidly splendid time stuffing our faces and having a very amusing conversation. After that, we came back to the home environment, where Hisaka met cousin Dee Dee, who was walking her ever-lovin’ dog, Casey. We hung out here for awhile, and then took a long walk around the neighborhood. After a couple of hours, we went over to Du-Par’s for our dessert of a short stack of pancakes. I wish I could have captured the look on Hisaka’s face as she took her first bite – it was priceless. Her face lit up like a klieg light, and she professed the pancakes her favorite thing she ate whilst on this trip, along with the Jumbo Jim burger at Dolores. I took her back to her hotel around nine-thirty, so she could pack and get some sleep. She seemed to have a lovely time here in Los Angeles, California, USA, and I’m sure she’ll post her thoughts upon her return to her homeland.

Last night I watched a motion picture on DVD entitled Night of the Lepus. I somehow missed this classic motion picture entertainment back in 1972, even though I loved this sort of film. To put it simply, Night of the Lepus is about giant mutant killer rabbits. Yes, Virginia, you heard that right. This film makes the oeuvre of Mr. Bert I. Gordon look like Orson Welles. From the opening scene of newscaster Jerry Dunphy trying to tell us that the multitudes of rabbits could end the human race or some such thing, to the little bunnies getting injected with some serum that – wait for it – causes them to mutate into rampaging giant killer bunnies, it’s just one great big laugh-a-minute piece of trash. The film’s director, William Claxton, had no idea how to do this sort of movie, and neither, apparently, did anyone else. As wacky as Bert I. Gordon’s films were, he reveled in his special effects, and they were loads of fun. Here we get giant close-ups of bunny teeth smeared with blood, giant close-ups of bunny eyeballs and ears, and then shots of supposed giant bunnies running amok. Certainly I would go out on a limb (a leg, for example) and say this is the best giant killer rabbit movie ever. Of course, it’s the only giant killer rabbit movie ever, so there you are. The actors look dazed and confused – Stuart Whitman, Janet Leigh, and DeForest Kelly are all in this pack of rabbit droppings, and, for whatever reasons, they’re all giving their all. The giant killer rabbits all give excellent performances. I don’t know about you, but when I now look at rabbits, I am terrified that they’ll rip me to shreds and nibble at my innards. The transfer is excellent, as long as you remember that the film itself was very low-budget and is filled with opticals, so the grain level is quite high. Wait – I thought I heard a giant mutant killer rabbit scratching at my front door. Be afraid, be very afraid.

Well, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below before a giant mutant killer rabbit paws us to death.

The only thing missing from Night of the Lepus is a title song. I really think the film needed one – I wish they had contacted me back then, because it just so happened that I’d written a song called Night of the Lepus, which was just lying around like so much fish.

The night of the lepus,
Was the night that I met you
We were both having dinner
We were dining on rabbit stew

We were fated to meet that fateful night
The rabbit stew was a delicious delight
You told me you’d been a Playboy bunny
I said, “Honey,” you’re out of sight

The night of the lepus,
When the rabbits ran amok
It really got quite hare-y
And then we both ran out of luck
When the rabbits decided to dine on we two
We were people stew
We knew that we were through
On the night of the lepus
Our love couldn’t keep us
From the giant killer rabbits devouring me and you.

Isn’t that a fine title song for Night of the Lepus? I think Johnny Mathis would have done a fine job with it, don’t you?

Today I have many, many things to attend to. I have a few orders to pack and ship, I must pick up a package or three, I must do some errands, I must do some advance work prior to the auditions and production meeting at LACC, and I must try to get some writing in. I have the feeling I won’t be back to the home environment before nine o’clock tonight, but we shall see.

Well, dear readers, I must take the day, I must do the things I do, I must do all of the above, I must do it well, and I must watch out for giant mutant killer rabbits, which I’m told are on the prowl here in the City of Studio. Today’s topic of discussion: What are your favorite giant bug movies, and your favorite science-run-amok movies? Let’s have loads of lovely postings, shall we, and don’t forget to keep some carrots handy, just in case any giant mutant killer rabbits show up at your door.

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