Well, dear readers, it’s the big day. Yes, you heard it here, dear readers, it’s the big day. The big day of our Annual Oscar Bash here at haineshisway.com. The excitement is electrifying – you can feel it in the air. Just what it is doing in the air and why your feel the need to feel it, is something to be discussed another day. Where was I? Oh, yes, it’s the big day. We’ve got our haineshisway.com klieg lights blazing through the Internet skies. Anyone who is anyone will be here – we are the best partay on all the Internet. Others may try, oh, yes, others may try, but they shall fail, for only here can you get the blow by blow descriptions, the running commentary on the movers and shakers, both salt and pepper. Who needs Mr. Blackwell when we’ve got our hainsies/kimlets talking about the fashions that work and the fashions that fail? What a partay it shall be and I, for one, cannot wait for it to begin, but more about that later. Speaking of Mr. Blackwell, yesterday at Gelson’s I saw Mr. Kenny Kingston, psychic to the stars. Whenever I see Mr. Kenny Kingston, psychic to the stars, I think of Mr. Blackwell. And whenever I see Mr. Blackwell, I think of Mr. Kenny Kingston, psychic to the stars. I know not why, however. Yesterday was a day the occurred yesterday. I had to get up early, for she of the Evil Eye needed her space. I ate a little breakfast, then did a few things, including having a little conversation with the new bank manager, who is very nice. She assured me that the personal touch that I’m used to at my branch will continue, despite the fact that everyone I know has moved to other branches or other lines of work. After that, I came home and waited for Mr. TV Technician to arrive. Until said arrival, I wrote almost three pages. Mr. TV Technician arrived, diagnosed the problem instantly (the lamp housing’s connectors were bent – hence the reason I had so much trouble getting the housing into the TV). He unbent them, got the housing in easily, and voila, my TV was as good as new, and bright as can be. After that, I began a major project of going through some boxes that have been in the back of my car for months, and throwing out all the extraneous junk I don’t need, and organizing what I needed to keep. Finally, the day was done and I sat on my couch like so much fish.
Last night, I watched a motion picture that I had TIVOd, entitled The Slender Thread. I’d only seen the first ten minutes of the film before (for that story, see yesterday’s posts), so it was nice to see it all the way through. It’s a good little film, probably better today than it was back then, when it had a lukewarm reception. Sidney Pollack was the director, and he did a fine job keeping the film from falling apart – the conceit is an odd one: Miss Anne Bancroft calls a crisis center, having just ingested many sleeping pills in an effort to kill herself. Mr. Sidney Potier is a volunteer, and he ends up having to take the call and try and keep Miss Bancroft on the phone while the police try to tap the call, find out where she is, and save the day. So, the two stars of the film never actually meet in person. Miss Bancroft is, as always, terrific, as is Mr. Potier, and a very good supporting cast, including Mr. Telly Savalas, Steven Hill, and a very young Dabney Coleman. The film has a nice score by Quincy Jones. It’s all a bit contrived, but the structure of the film is sort of fun (you see the events that led to Miss Bancroft’s pill taking in flashbacks as she tells Mr. Potier about them). I wonder if Paramount will ever get around to putting this and another film of its era, Love With The Proper Stranger, on DVD.
I then watched a motion picture on DVD entitled Paris When It Sizzles. A better title would be Paris When It Fizzles. There is really nothing worse than a screenwriter and director thinking they’re being oh, so terribly clever and witty but forgetting that you actually have to tell a story and have real characters you can believe in and care about. The screenwriter, George Axelrod, is excellent, and some of his dialogue here is very witty. The director, Richard Quine, had done some excellent work up to this point. You certainly can’t fault the cast – Audrey Hepburn, William Holden, Noel Coward, and cameos by Marlene Dietrich, Mel Ferrer, Tony Curtis, Frank Sinatra (vocally – in one of the film’s truly amusing gags), and others. The premise is slight – William Holden hires Audrey to type a script he has to have finished in two days. Trouble is, he hasn’t written a word and only has a title – he has no idea what it should be about. So, as he creates it, we see the film he’s writing come to life. The joke is over in about three minutes, but unfortunately the film goes on and on and on for close to two hours. Certainly it’s handsome to look at, thanks to the photography of Charles Lang, Jr. But, it’s a soufflé that refuses to rise and by the 100 minute mark I wanted to hurl my shoe at the TV – but since the TV is now working again, I decided not to. The transfer is okay – color is fine, but it’s overly grainy and should look 100 times better.
What am I, Ebert and Roeper all of a sudden? Well, let’s all click on the Unseemly button below because the excitement is electrifying and the countdown to our Annual Oscar Bash has begun.
Today, I shall be preparing for our Annual Oscar Bash. First I shall prepare by writing a page or two. Then, I shall prepare by thinking about what foodstuffs to ingest as I watch the Oscars. Then I shall prepare by actually getting said foodstuffs. And then, it will be time for our gala affair. I’ll be wearing a stunning gown with tassles of gold balls. Everyone, of course, must dress for our affair, and we must have descriptions and perhaps even photographs of everyone’s Oscar attire.
Our partay begins with the Oscar pre-show – and we will expect reports from everyone in attendance – what you like, what you hate, what amuses you, what makes you want to vomit on the ground. In short, we must have fun with a capital F. Have you ever tried to have fun with a capital J? It’s very difficult, so let’s have fun with a capital F.
Of course, up until the pre-show, we should not be slackers – we should have our usual jovial postings – but the fun with a capital F really starts at pre-show time and I, for one, cannot wait.
Well, dear readers, I must take the day, I must do the things I do, I must, for example, write, think of foodstuffs, purchase foodstuffs, and the attend the Annual Oscar Bash here at haineshisway.com. Today’s topic of discussion: It’s free-for-all day, the day in which you dear readers make with the topics and we all get to post about them. So, let’s have loads of lovely topics and loads of lovely postings as we make ready for our Annual Oscar Bash. Will records be broken? I not only hope they will be broken, I hope they will be shattered from here to eternity and hell and back.