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May 19, 2007:

BRASS TACKS

Bruce Kimmel Photograph bk's notes

BK’s Notes open

Well, dear readers, I am quite tired and on top of that she of the Evil Eye will be here bright and early and on top of that I am still bloated and full from my “all you can eat” dinner (I took it very seriously and ate all I could eat – literally), and on top of that my allergies, which had abated somewhat, are trying to come back right this very minute. I’ve just taken a pill – I haven’t taken one for over a day and was hoping to not have to, but, you know, we do what we must and we must what we do. On top of that, my lips are very chapped for reasons I cannot fathom and I am using much more chapstick than usual. What the HELL am I going on about? This is all just so much ephemera in the scheme of things. We need to get down to brass tacks or, at the very least, woodwind tacks or even aluminum tacks. Speaking of aluminum tacks, yesterday was a day and a half. It just went on and on and on and on, and then, when I thought it could go on no more, it went on again. For example, I got up at the unseemly hour of six. I then decided to take the bull by the horns and come up with eleven song choices for Joan Ryan, so we could choose the five we needed. I chose them very carefully, as great songs, and also to fulfill needs within the act. I put them on a CDR, then printed out the list. Then I toddled off to have breakfast with Miss Lauren Rubin, which was lots of fun, as we hadn’t seen each other in a couple of months. After that, I stopped by Hollywood Sheet Music to pick up a couple of items, then I toddled off to a three-hour rehearsal with Joan and John. We listened to the tape and after each block of songs (usually the blocks consisted of three songs), we chose one of the three and then moved on. At the end of the listening session, we’d chosen our five songs, along with a little mini-medley that would proceed one of them. We put them on CD (Boswell is going out of town for three weeks, so now we’ll be able to work on our own), but still have to do a couple of routines when he returns. As you know, I’ve been frustrated with how long this choosing of the material has gone on, but I’m feeling much better now that we’ve settled on everything. Oh, I’m sure I’ll have to deal with some insecurities and such, but that’s par for the course with this project. I shall now begin to structure and order the act, and we’ll begin to craft the patter, as well as begin staging, all of which will happen in the next two weeks. By the time Boswell returns, we should have everything up on its feet. Just glancing at the titles as we finalized the list, it seems very eclectic and good, and, most importantly, it feels like an act designed to play to more general audiences, as opposed to a small group of her friends. There are lots of well-known songs as well as a few lesser known things, and I feel it’s a pretty good mix. I may adjust some things when I see it all up on its feet, but it’s a very good starting point. After rehearsal, I came home, did a few things, and then decided to go to Todai, which I haven’t been to in over a year. It’s not really that good, but it’s all you can eat, and boy did I eat, although none of it was very fattening – lots of crab legs, shrimp, cucumber salad, crab salad, and that sort of thing – no heavy food like rice or noodles or teriyaki. After that, I waddled home, where I sat on my couch like so much all you can eat fish.

Last night, I managed to watch two count them two motion pictures on DVD. The first motion picture on DVD was entitled A Guide For The Married Woman, a TV movie-cum-pilot from 1978, starring Miss Cybill Sheppard, Mr. Charles Frank, Miss Barbara Feldon, Miss Elaine Joyce, and a whole slew of then-popular TV series funny people, like Bill Dana, Tom Poston, Peter Marshall, Bernie Kopell, George Gobel, John Byner, and others. It’s a completely unfunny, labored, smarmy mess from start to finish, and it reeks of its TV-ness. Flatly directed by Hy Averback (a very nice man, but very ordinary director), one can’t say it’s a TV movie gem, like so many 70s TV movies. If the title sounds familiar, it’s a reversal remake of the completely unfunny, labored, smarmy mess that was the 1968 film A Guide For The Married Man. Cybill labors mightily and is very cute, Charles Frank, a flavor of the month back then, is completely devoid of personality or much discernable talent, and the parade of guest stars have nothing funny to do. The film does supply one truly horrifying historical moment: On one of the drive-bys in West LA, the camera pans past a gas station. The prices: Fifty-seven cents for regular, and sixty-two cents for premium. And that was an outrage back then, as it was after the big price hikes following the gas shortage a few years earlier. Who could have guessed where it would all end up – I passed a gas station in Hollywood that was charging over four dollars for premium. There wasn’t a car in sight, and I truly hope they go out of business. No other gas station I’ve seen in LA has had the temerity to cross the four-dollar barrier. I then watched the second motion picture on DVD, which was entitled Ball Of Fire, a film written by Charles Brackett and Billy Wilder (before Mr. Wilder began his directing career), and directed by Mr. Howard Hawks. While I’m not necessarily a fan of screwball comedies, this one’s a corker and has always been one of my favorites – but how couldn’t it be with this cast – Miss Barbara Stanwyck, adorably adorable, Gary Cooper, handsome and wonderful as always, and a supporting cast the likes of which you’ll never see again – Cuddles Sakall, Oscar Homolka, Richard Haydn, Henry Travers, Dan Duryea and lots other great character folks, including an unbilled one-liner by Elisha Cook, Jr. I had the old DVD (which was selling for huge money, as it had gone out of print almost immediately), but it’s now been reissued by MGM/UA/Fox at a very reasonable price. The transfer is almost identical, which is amazing considering the older DVD is almost nine years old – you’d have thought there would have been a lot of room for improvement, but I’m sure they took the easy way and just used the same old transfer. It’s not bad, mind you, but the photography by Greg Toland should look much better.

What am I, Ebert and Roeper all of a sudden? Why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below because I’ve got to get down to brass tacks and finish the next section.

Today, I shall be shipping a few packages, then going to storage and getting the charts for the songs we chose yesterday. That will probably take a couple of hours, then I shall return to the home environment and do a bunch of little stuff that needs doing, then I shall have the rest of the day and evening to my very own self.

Tomorrow, we have a meeting of the alumni association, otherwise the day is mine all mine and I shall make the most of it, because this upcoming week is going to be hellish, as there are many things to deal with, most of them pleasant, and some of them unpleasant.

Now wait just a darned minute. Let’s all put on our pointy party hats and our colored tights and pantaloons, let’s all break out the cheese slices and the ham chunks, let’s all dance the Hora or the Can-Can, for today is the birthday of our very own French pastry, Francois. So, let’s give a big haineshisway.com birthday cheer to our very own French pastry, Francois. On the count of three: One, two, three – A VERY HAPPY HAINESHISWAY.COM BIRTHDAY CHEER TO OUR VERY OWN FRENCH PASTRY, FRANCOIS!!!

Well, dear readers, I must take the day, I must do the things I do, I must, for example, ship, go to storage, jog, do errands, eat, and watch DVDs and relax and smell the coffee and the roses and the fried calamari. Today’s topic of discussion: Gary Cooper was one of my all-time favorite actors, as was Miss Stanwyck. What are your all-time favorite films for each? Let’s have loads of lovely postings, shall we, whilst we all get down to brass and any other metal tacks.

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