Haines Logo Text
Column Archive
January 9, 2008:

THE OPENING SALVO

Bruce Kimmel Photograph bk's notes

Well, dear readers, I have just had some soup. I ask you, where else on all the Internet can you read such an opening salvo. What is an opening salvo anyway? Is there a closing salvo? Has a salvo ever closed in one night? I find that I am nauseated by the word salvo for reasons that are unknown to me. The word salvo makes me want to vomit on the ground. The word salvo is like a gazelle with an open wound. An open wound is, frankly, better than an open salvo. You know, I have no idea what the HELL I’m talking about. Where was I? Oh, yes, I have just had some soup and an opening salvo. I was just in a soup sort of place, so I went to the supermarket and bought some super soup, Chunky Chicken Noodle to be exact. Have you ever seen a chicken noodle? Frankly, I didn’t even know a chicken could sit at the piano, let alone noodle. Of course, a chicken noodle could also be a noodle that’s afraid. We don’t allow groaning here at haineshisway.com. I blame it all on the opening salvo. Speaking of the opening salvo, yesterday was quite a nice little day. I got up early, I did a few little fixes to my fifty-one book pages, then toddled off to Staples, where I dropped off a big job and also got the pages Xeroxed. I then took said pages to my muse Margaret’s home environment. I then had to rush to the Wood of Holly to have an early luncheon with our very own most errant and truant Mr. Cason Murphy, who recently returned from his Christmas vacation. We ate at Bird’s and I’m happy to say that the jernt has really reclaimed its former glory – the food was gloriously glorious. I had the half chicken (all white), two sides (a tiny Caesar salad and their brand spanking new side dish, macaroni and cheese), and Cason and I shared a Tower o’ Onion Rings. I was quite full when I finally finished scarfing down all that food. Since I hadn’t planned to write anything until I heard back from muse Margaret, I toddled over to Amoeba and traded in some stuff and got some nice credit. I got a couple of DVDs and a couple of CDs and have some credit left over for a rainy day, should we ever have a rainy day again. I then did a couple of errands, came home to a lot of e-mails, which I answered, and then I had to make a couple of telephonic calls. I decided to continue writing, so I just finished off the end of the sequence I was in (only a paragraph), and then wrote a couple more paragraphs for just under a page. I then sat on my couch like so much fish.

Last night, I watched a motion picture entitled The Hoax, starring Mr. Richard Gere. The Hoax was adapted from the book of the same name by Mr. Clifford Irving, and it tells the story of Mr. Irving’s incredible fooling of many people with this authorized “autobiography” of Howard Hughes. He purported to be speaking to Mr. Hughes, and he managed to get a million dollar advance from McGraw-Hill, and he pulled the wool over almost everyone’s eyes, and repeatedly so, even when they were suspicious. I first read about it in the book called Hoax, written in 1972 right after it all happened. Mr. Irving’s book wasn’t written until 1981 and it’s rather astonishing that it took Hollywood only twenty-six years to realize there was an interesting film to be made from it. I quite enjoyed the film, although it has its faults. I’m not usually a fan of Mr. Gere, but this is his finest hour – he’s really excellent as Mr. Irving. Alfred Molina is terrific as his partner in crime. The scenes where he doesn’t know when to shut up are hilarious. Everyone else turns in good performances, and it’s well directed by Lasse Hallstrom. But the script doesn’t quite cut the mustard, or even the ketchup. Things are introduced and then dropped without even so much as a footnote. But, overall, it’s likable and I enjoyed it. The transfer is fine, and there’s an interview with Mike Wallace as an extra.

As soon as the film was over, I got a call from muse Margaret and I’m happy to report she really likes the new book thus far. She was very specific about things, and quoted lines she liked and sequences she liked. She only had two tiny little suggestions, both were excellent, and I made those changes while we were on the phone. As soon as we got off the phone, I wrote another page and a half, so I almost did three pages on a day I didn’t think I would do any. Needless to say, I was thrilled she liked it so much and I shall mush on with writing this very morning.

Well, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below because I’m beginning to wonder if there will be an opening salvo in the next section.

There was an opening salvo in this section but I bitch-slapped it from here to eternity and hell and back. Wait – was that an opening salvo?

Today, I shall be writing at least five pages, and I have a few other things to attend to, as well.

The DGA nominations were announced yesterday, so next week they show all five nominated films. The only one I’ve seen thus far is There Will Be Blood, so I’m thinking I might try to see the other four – No Country For Old Men, Michael Clayton, Into The Wild (with all the other people who could have been chosen, I’m really curious to see why they opted for Mr. Penn), and The Diving Bell and the Butterfly. I will, of course, have full reports on them all.

Well, dear readers, I must take the day, I must do the things I do, I must, for example, write, write, and write, do errands, eat, write, and then perhaps watch a motion picture on DVD. Today’s topic of discussion: It’s Ask BK Day, the day in which you get to ask me or any dear reader any old question you like and we get to give any old answer we like. So, let’s have loads of lovely questions and loads of lovely answers and loads of lovely postings, shall we? Now, who will make the opening salvo?

Search BK's Notes Archive:
 
© 2001 - 2019 by Bruce Kimmel. All Rights Reserved